-not proofread-
Jisung felt Minho's eyed on him as soon as the older walked into their first-period class the next day but Jisung didn't dare look up at him. He would probably start crying his eyes out again if he did.
He didn't plan on trying to talk to Minho anymore. He couldn't force Minho to feel anything for him so he figured that leaving Minho alone was the best way to go.
Minho on the other hand wasn't making that very easy considering that he was starring at Jisung whenever they were around each other.
Minho hoped that he wouldn't end up self-harming because of him. Felix didn't seem to know anything about it or else he would have been more clingy to the blue-haired boy. Minho didn't know how Jisung managed to do it while in the same house as Felix but it was making him worried.
He knew he hurt him but he thought it was the best thing to do for both of them. However, he also needed someone to be there for Jisung so that he wouldn't do anything that could end his life.
Minho couldn't be that person though and considering how many trust issues he has created for Jisung, he wasn't going to have that someone.
Things went this way for a couple of weeks with Jisung self-harming late at night because the sadness and hurt feeling from what Minho said didn't seem like it was going to go away anytime soon and cutting was the only thing that distracted him and made him feel the slightest bit better.
Jisung had been sitting outside by himself whenever he didn't sit with Felix to avoid him getting suspicious which seemed to be working well.
Minho felt horrible considering he could tell that Jisung had been hurting himself every single day since their conversation but he knew Jisung could get through this.
He'll be okay, right?
~~~~~~~~
It was about 4 am on a Thursday night/morning and once again Jisung hadn't been able to sleep. It had become a normal thing since he stopped talking to Minho though. He had barely been getting any sleep but at least he used that time to do things he couldn't do when everyone else was awake.
He quietly made his way to the bathroom, locked the door, sat on the floor, then pulled out his blade. It was a regular night occurrence for him now. Just like it used to be.
Jisung was admiring the color he had once again found comfort in but jumped at the sound of a soft knock on the door.
"Jisung?" Felix's voice asked tiredly causing Jisung to panic.
"Umm one second," Jisung said, standing up and flushing the toilet so Felix wouldn't get suspicious then turning on the sink to clean off his arm, trying to ignore how much it stung. He then pulled his shirt-sleeve back down and held the blade in his hand as he opened the door.
Felix glanced at him in suspicion for a quick second before just walking past him and going back to his bedroom. He put the blade back in the tiny box that he kept on his nightstand then laid down so he could try to sleep.
He sighed when he heard his door open then felt Felix lay next to him a few seconds later.
"Hi."
"Why are you in here?" Jisung asked in a bit of a joking tone
"I'm not tired anymore and I feel like I haven't been paying enough attention to you."
"Felix it's four in the morning."
"Are you tired?"
"No bu-"
"Then I'm staying here."
"We live in the same house. You don't need to go out of your way to give me attention." Jisung explained.
"Yeah but you always come in here right when we come home from school and you've seemed kinda sad. I'm stupid and haven't bothered asking you about it."
"I'm not sad."
"Are you sure? You also haven't been hanging out with Minho after school or on the weekends."
"He's been busy." Jisung lied.
"Busy with what?"
"School stuff."
"Where have you been going durring lunch when you're not sitting with me and Bin?"
"What do you mean? I sit outside with Minho."
"Yeah but yesterday when you said that I saw Minho sitting with his friends and you weren't there," Felix explained, he had actually seen it several times but he kept forgetting to bring it up.
"Umm..."
"Did you and Minho get into a fight?"
"No we just aren't really friends anymore," Jisung said quietly.
"What do you mean you aren't friends anymore? You guys were basically boyfriends."
"I don't know."
"You can talk to me about this stuff Jisung. I really should have asked you earlier about it but I kept forgetting to. I'm sure you two will work out whatever happened though."
"I always ruin everything by telling people that I love them," Jisung said out of nowhere, catching Felix off guard and making Jisung regret saying it out loud immediately.
"What do you mean? You told Minho that you love him?"
"I did but it doesn't matter. Let's not talk about it." Jisung said with a small laugh, trying to casually change the subject.
"Wait no. Why would you two stop talking to each other because of that? You're both very obviously in love with each other. Why aren't you dating?" Felix questioned as Jisung felt tears roll down his face.
"Minho doesn't love me back. It's not his fault. I was the one who ruined things by saying it. I'm stupid."
"Are you crying?!" Felix questioned and pulled Jisung into a hug which only made him cry harder but mainly because he missed hugs like this.
He missed comfort hugs and even though Felix's wasn't the same as Minho's he had really needed a hug like this.
"It was just a game," Jisung mumbled as he sobbed into his best friend's chest.
"What was just a game?"
"Everything. It felt so real but now it's gone. Minho didn't any of it."
"I'm sure he did. How could anyone not love you once they get to know you?" Felix asked, trying to get him to cheer up a bit.
"Both of my parents and Minho."
"From how you explained it, it doesn't sound like your parents ever got to actually know you. And Minho loves you too. Everyone gets into fights. You guys will get through it. Changbin and i still argue about things sometimes."
"Get the new quiet kid to fall in love with me." Jisung quoted, confusing Felix until Jisung elaborated, "that was Minho's goal and he did it so he's done with me now."
"He said that?!" Felix questioned, shocked.
"Yeah, but I was stupid enough to fall for all of it."
"Hell no. You're not blaming this on yourself. I'm going to kill him!" Felix said defensively but Jisung started shaking his head.
"No please don't do anything to him. It's not his fault that he doesn't have feelings for me. He didn't do anything. I'm just stupid and overdramatic."
"No Jisung, he did so much. For one he lead you on which is already bad but he went way further than that. He knows your mental state isn't well and he still decided that it was a good idea to say something like that to you? You aren't overdramatic Minho is a horrible person."
"No, he's not."
"Yes, he is. No one does that to someone. Why didn't you tell me about it when it happened? Wait have you been-?" Felix cut himself off by pulling out his phone, turning on the flashlight, then gently pulling Jisung's arm towards him.
"I didn't" Jisung sniffled, pulling his arm away.
"Then let me see," Felix said pulling Jisung's arm back towards him as the blue-haired boy gave up trying. He already made the mistake of telling Felix what happened so he should have been expecting some type of consequence.
Felix also started crying as he looked at all the scars and new cuts on Jisung's wrist and immediately pulled him into another hug as they both continued crying.
"You don't deserve this." Felix finally said once he calmed down. "I wish bad things would stop happening to you."
"I obviously did something to deserve it." Jisung joked.
"No. I know it's difficult right now but please talk to me. I don't want to lose you. Please stop doing this."
Jisung just nodded even though he didn't plan on listening to Felix. He already tried stopping and now without Minho in his life, it seemed pointless. He didn't have the energy nor motivation to try and stop again. Besides, it helped him so he didn't see why he should.
The question now was; how much longer can Minho really just stay quiet and watch Jisung slowly kill himself?