My boyfriend and I broke up a couple of weeks ago and I already miss him like crazy. I just hate feeling like I still care for someone who could do me so wrong, I wasn't brought up to be a doormat and that's exactly how I felt... used.
But it was just the little things that I missed, like his touch especially his lips and his voice in the morning which was the sweetest wake-up call anyone could ask for. I never thought I would see a life without him but if someone you love cheats on you, its unforgivable and I would never advise you to stay or put up with a mess like that. But we were together against the odds, even to the point where I lost people close to me because they tried to convince me not to be with him in the first place. But of course, I stayed by him while he was out there sleeping with females and defended his honour as a true girlfriend.
Why I did that? I will never know. But since then I rediscovered my worth and was tryna live a life without him but my mental state was struggling with the loneliness and want for him.
So right now I was sitting watching romantic movies that I had seen millions of times in a sports bra and some old running shorts. The end part of the movie was coming up and funnily enough, I had never seen this bit before so I sat fully engrossed in the screen when the doorbell rung and I hopped up to go and see who it was with so much reluctance.
When I got to the door, I peeped through the eyehole to see a dripping wet Tyrus, waiting impatiently on the doorstep, obviously freezing in the pouring rain. I turned with my back against the door and thought deeply about what I should do. i wasn't evil enough to leave him out there in the terrible weather but I didn't want to be around him at the moment, it was still too soon and I didn't want him starting anything.
Again reluctantly I turned back to face the door and undid the latch to let him in. without even looking, I opened the door and turned to face away from him as I heard him step in and all the drips of water come with him. he shook like a dog, letting some of the water hit my bare legs making me jump in surprise.
"hey! Thanks." He smiled still trying to feel the benefit of being out of the cold . I didn't say anything at all. "To be honest, I didn't think you would open up." he looked up at me quickly while sorting out his clothes which were soaked by the rain.
" yh I'm starting to regret it already" I scoffed knowing that I felt the exact opposite. If anything, now he was in here, I missed him even more. " why are you even here?" I tried again
"I just wanted to know if we could talk?" he stopped fiddling with his clothes and stood shoulders up facing me.
" about what? " I backed up until I hit the staircase and I sat lazily upon it, waiting for what he had to say.
" Really just to tell you how sorry I am and to let you know how much I miss you. these couple weeks have been hell because I know I'm nothing without you"
" well, I wish you would have remembered that when you were pressing into several different females" I scoffed again this time for real.
" ill take that, I know I was wrong, but I just wanna make it better. make it right with you. I love you and I don't want anybody but you. I am willing to hear anything you wanna throw at me because I know I deserve it" his shoulders sunk and his expression softened remorsefully.
"I don't think I need your permission to do what I am rightfully owed. you did me so wrong Tyrus that I'm surprised I'm even talking to you right now" I straightened up my position looking straight at him.
" I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just wanna know if we can be friends? I know I don't deserve someone like you but if you can find it in your heart to forgive me because you are my world, Kia. even if i can't have you as my girl, I can't live in a world entirely without you." he came closer to me but I put my hand out, telling him that he was crossing boundaries.
" Actually I don't entirely hate the idea of being friends but its gonna take some time to gain a friendship after such a long relationship and difficult breakup. you're gonna have to give me some space" I spoke standing up, hoping that this was the end of the conversation.
but he took the opportunity to launch towards me with his arms spread and enclosed me in a hug which snuggled at my waist. My eyes widened at the sudden contact and I pulled away from his grip quickly and I made my way swiftly to the door ready for him to leave.
"I literally just said we can be friends and that I need time. That doesn't include physical contact." I raised my voice feeling a little flustered.
" ok noted. I'm sorry. what about we hang out for a bit?" he suggested holding his hands up in surrender. I started to understand that he was not gonna understand this idea of 'space' so I nodded and made my way to the couch.
" just for a little bit though. I have to get up early" It was 10pm on a Saturday so I had nothing to do but I didn't want him to think he could stay here forever.
it had got a bit colder so I sat down in my previous spot and pulled the blanket over my body to warm me up.
" hey I'm just gonna get out of these wet clothes real quick," he said from behind me. I nodded nonchalantly
" there are some of your clothes upstairs still" before I could finish he had headed upstairs and come back down with a pair of basketball shorts which I had been wearing since he left and a blue towel he kept in a gym bag.
he stripped out his clothes behind the couch and slipped into the shorts with no shirt, walking around the sofa to plant himself next to me. He swiped the towel across his chest which was a little moist and went to behind his ear and neck. the way he flexed as he did so made my mouth water remembering how he used to be when we were together, at least when I thought that all of that sexiness was mine.
" Where is your shirt? " I glanced over to make it look like I wasn't staring.
" There wasn't one up there for me to wear right now. just some hoodies and a vest, so I thought what's the point? ' he huffed and gave me a quick look before focusing on the tv. " so- what are we watching?" he smiled like everything was normal and I just sat there wondering how he could be so normal after all that has happened- I guess its harder for the person who was hurt.
" umm, the avengers is coming on in a moment so I guess we can watch that!" I stated with enthusiasm.
" ok cool " he sat there silently as if waiting for me to do or say something but I didn't.
I shifted in my position trying to get comfortable, I moved pillows and myself and I couldn't find the right spot. And I didn't know if it was just because he was here since there was never a time that he hadn't cuddled me while we watched tv, my heart was sinking further and regret was starting to kick in full effect . Tyrus must have noticed my fidgting because I feel his eyes on me but he was hesitating to say something.
" y' know when you used to be uncomfortable, you used to lean on me. you can do that now if you want " he spoke in a low tone, so soft that I barely heard him.
" well, that was when we were together. that seems a bit inappropriate now" I stopped moving, feeling even worse than I felt before.
he nodded a little heartbroken "I see but I'm not exactly gonna try nothing. I don't bite either"
there was a pause between us both and I thought about the worst that could happen. I scooted towards him and he moved into me lifting his arm to cover over me. I rested my head on his chest as he elevated his legs to case me in. " try anything and you're out"
" got it' he chuckled and smoothed his hand on to my waist softly.
The movie began, i snuggled into my position finally feeling at peace. only like 10 minutes in I left his hand caress mine and my mind began to do backflips. I wanted to stop him but the feeling was so satisfying after not having his touch for so long. it was soft and calming just like it used to be when we were happy and I began to miss it so much these few weeks.
further along, his hand reached my shoulder and chest where his fingertips grazed and stroked my exposed skin and inside butterflies were blooming in my stomach. I couldn't help but grow fond of his fiddling and continued to enjoy it a little too much
"I missed you so much Tyrus" I blurted out, out of nowhere. I cursed myself as his attention turned to me. I hated myself right now.
" Really ?" he gasped moving me so I could see him. I literally wanted to kick myself so hard.
"uhh yeah, I guess. I wasn't expecting all this you know. But you're no good for me" I started sitting up and away from him.
"Well would you give me another chance to make it up to you and show you that I could be? I didn't know you still had a love for me! " his hands touched my leg but I moved away quickly.
"I think you need to leave. this isn't what I wanted to do today" I got up and walked to the door but he followed me
"Kia wait. I don't wanna pressure you but I want you back, and if there is anything in your heart left for me, I will never stop trying to grow it back to the size it was." he grabbed me by my stomach as my back was to him. he placed his head in the crook of my neck. I leaned back into him, regretting this whole situation . his head stroked the side of my face before raising his lips to my ear lobe. I sighed in pleasure
" I don't ever want to be hurt again like I was. I don't trust you, Tyrus, I really don't."
"I won't I promise" his hands lowered to my hips and my thighs, stroking them sensually. I rolled my neck back onto his shoulder.
I took in a large breath and turned to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. he put our heads together and rolled our foreheads up so we were face to face. he looked in my eyes " I won't ever hurt you again" and with that, his pouted his lips at me and we locked lips.