It's been four weeks.
She started to pull away from me, slowly but surely. It wasn't a big pull, it was a hesitant pull. When we got back to New York , everything just changed. Short responses, barely even any time to hang out, and she would barely look me in my eyes when we did talk .
"Ashanti what the fuck is wrong with you?" I ask as she answers the phone." What are you talking about?"
She's playing dumb. She's been playing dumb ever since we got back. I thought we were good, but I guess not. I guess she couldn't handle the pressure. She should just be honest with me and tell me instead of lying.
The worst thing you could do, is lie to me.
" You know exactly what the fuck I am talking about. You said that you were going to listen to your heart and not your head so what is going on ?" I repeat my question as I began to lose my cool.
" I can't do this right now Alessandro , I really can't." She sounded different, it was like the last few months hasn't happened and she's back to hating me.
"You can't do this conversation or you can't do us?" I ask , praying deep down that she was going to choose the former.
" I don't know. I really don't know how I can trust anything you say anymore right now. Everyone that I love has been lying to me for years." She sounds like she's struggling to hold back tears as she speaks into the phone .
" I've been ignoring my parents and Khalid. I just need space and time to think."
Just like that yet another women walks out of my life. " Alessandro," she calls out " I just need time to figure everything out right now. I promise it's not about you ."
"Take all the time you need Smith, maybe i'll wait around, maybe I won't," and then I hang up .
Shit. Shit . Shit
"Why did I fucking say that? " I pull at my hair as I pace around the room. " Why the fuck did I say that?"
I was a fucking idiot. I wasn't going to run off and sleep with someone else. It would hurt me too much to do that to her . If it was space she wanted , then I would give her space.
This information was a lot to take in and I know that she has a lot to process right now. So, I'll wait for her, whenever she's ready.
He hung up on me and my heart broke. It hurt more then finding out that Malik cheated on me , it hurt more than losing that fucking unborn fetus. It fucking stung.
" Oh my God." I whisper as I sit on my bed.
What did I just do ?
He made me happy , he made me laugh , he made me feel good in more ways then one . I just pushed him away after telling him that I wouldn't. After telling him that I would stay.
"Ash," Gill called from behind my door." Can I come in ?" She pokes her head in as she eases the door open.
" Oh honey, whats wrong?" Gill is immediately by my side wrapping her arms around me. "I fucked up Gill. I really fucked up." Just like that the waterworks began to pour out and I cried for the first time in two weeks.
I want to believe that he's going to wait, because we had something and you can't just throw that aside— right ?
He wouldn't return my calls or my text . He wouldn't look at me in passing and it fucking hurt. He moved seats in all of our classes together and would ignore me every time I tried to catch him after.
" I can't believe you fucked him." I turned my head to see two girls talking as I washed my hands. " What was it like ?" the first girl asked.
" I don't kiss and tell." The second girl responded as she looked up from her phone . " You fucked the Alessandro De'Luca last night and you aren't going to share the details ?"
This would be one of the times that I wished I wasn't so nosey. I felt my heart drop into my stomach as I quickly exited the bathroom.
I was in such a rush that I didn't realize that I bumped into someone. " Butters ?"
How fucking dare he ? How dare he use that nickname after ignoring me and then sleeping with someone else. It hasn't even been a fucking month since I asked for this break.
"Stay the fuck away from me." I shove him as I walk away. I can't believe I ever had feelings for him. How could I let myself fall for him ? He was just another Malik in disguise.
I was almost towards the exit when I felt a strong grip on my forearm drag me towards an empty classroom. Usually, I would scream stranger danger but by the scent I knew exactly who it was.
"What the fuck is your problem Ashanti?" Alessandro had me backed into a wall, his arms caging me in between him and the wall. " Me." I scoff out in disbelief. " Yes you." He says as I look up into those hypnotizing blue eyes of his.
" You asked for space and I gave you that. You weren't ready and I understood and respected that . As much as it hurt me to do , I respected that." he said as he stared deeply into my eyes.
It hurt him to ignore me but it didn't take him but five seconds to fuck someone else.
" Did it hurt when you fucked someone else ? It's been what two weeks since I asked for that break. Four since we last talked in person. "
" What are you talking about ?" he asked scrunching his brows in confusion. " I haven't so much as looked or touched another girl since that night at the release party. Whatever you heard has been lies. I wouldn't do that to you and you fucking know that."
" Do I ? " I ask hitting his chest." Because I thought I knew who you were but that turned out to be a lie."
That was a low blow. I realized that as I saw hurt flash through his eyes. It was there and then gone in a blink. In a blink , his eyes were masked by a bottomless pit of emptiness.
" That's not fair ." " What's not fair is me having to hear some girl brag to her friend about screwing the Alessandro De'Luca."
"Here's a thought," I gasp," Maybe I should go out and fuck a random dude. How would you like that huh ? How would you like to hear someone brag about fucking me while you wash your hands ?"
" Ashanti, you wouldn't last two seconds without my dick." he growls into my ear." No one can make you cum like I have. No one will make you scream like I have. No one will degrade you like I have. No one knows your body like I do. No one. So fuck somebody else Ashanti and see what happens. "
I was making him angry . I knew just by the way his eyes darkened and his nostrils started to flare.
Good. I wanted to make him feel how I felt.
Angry, betrayed, hurt. I wanted him to cry himself to sleep thinking about me and someone else.
" Did I make you angry ?" I push ." Are you hurting yet ?" I whisper as I lean forward. " It'll hurt a lot more when I fuck somebody else— won't it ?"
Alessandro's eyes softened as he let out a deep breath. He composed himself as he stared up at the ceiling. I could tell that he let his control slip because he never talked to me that way. Ever.
" I didn't fuck anybody Ashanti. Even if I had the opportunity to fuck someone else I wouldn't take it because they aren't fucking you. " he whispers lowly pressing his lower abdomen into mine. " If all it takes is schoolgirl gossip for you to believe that I would , then maybe you don't trust me ."
" And if a relationship has no trust then there is no relationship." he says as he grabs my neck. " I wasn't thinking when I said what I said to you over the phone. I will always wait for you, no matter what. "
He seemed to be struggling with himself as he bit his bottom lip. " I know it hasn't been long for us, but this feels right. You make me happy, you make me feel all sappy and shit. God, I promised myself that I wouldn't turn into one of those couples, but with you, I want to be one of those couples . I've always had feelings for you ever since I saw you during freshmen orientation. "
I remember seeing him during freshman orientation. How could I not ?
He was confident in everything he did. He had this look, this mysteriousness that drew me to him. He was dark and broody and I was attracted to that .
I knew that he wasn't lying. I knew deep down that he didn't sleep with that girl too. Alessandro hates liars so why would he become one himself.
" Ashanti, I love you ."
It was as if all the air left my body as I looked up at him. He loved me , he's been in love with me . The man that I "hated" for two years was in love with me.
Truth is — I don't think I ever really hated him. I think I was always attracted to him, felt something for him. I was just stuck in a miserable, loveless relationship with myself and someone else.
" You don't have to say anything right now, but just know that you are the only girl for me and I will wait for you." he says brushing the column of my neck with his thumb." But you have to trust me, and you don't."
I shake my head and open my mouth to object.
"And that's ok, Ashanti. You have to deal with your family first and then you can come to me. I'll be waiting for you, because I love you."
He leaned in to kiss my forehead as I gripped his shirt ." Please." I whisper out as he leans his forehead against mine. " Please don't."
I didn't want this, I wanted him.
I wanted him to hold me in his warm embrace and tell me that everything was going to be alright, that we would be alright. Instead, I drove him away and as much as I tell myself that I trust him— my actions today proved otherwise.
"It's going to be ok," He mumbled onto my forehead "we're going to be ok."
" Don't fuck any other girls ok." I try to laugh but it comes out as a sad rasp instead ." Don't fuck any other guys alright ." He leans back and wipes my tears. " You're too beautiful to cry, butters."
I lean into his palms as I close my eyes. Who knew how long we would be apart. " I'm sorry." I mumble as I open my eyes again. " I know you didn't sleep with her. "
Some part of me wants to believe that I had moved on from Malik's betrayal, but after today I realize that I haven't. I didn't even hear Alessandro's side before believing that he slept with that girl. She didn't even tell her friend what they had done.
I had no proof but hear say of him screwing someone else. Had she told her friend what they did I would've been able to hear for myself if they did or didn't.
" It's ok," he coos as he rubs his thumb over my waist. " I am such a mess." I laugh softly I extend my arms out against his chest. " I am too. We can be a mess together." he grins down at me.
" Yea." I whisper as he leans down and pressed his lips against mine softly. I didn't like how this kiss felt like a goodbye kiss. Technically it was a goodbye for now kind of kiss, but I wished that it last longer. I wished that we held on a little longer.
" I'll see you around Smith. If I find out that you fucked someone else , I'll fucking kill them"
"Goodbye Alessandro ." I laugh as I grab my stuff.
Would he really ? I don't even want to know and I don't intend on finding out.
I dried my eyes before leaving the room. I walked towards the car to see all of the girls waiting for me. " Are you ok Ash ?" Zara asks as I stop in front of them.
"No, but I will be ." I smile as they wrap their arms around me. " I love you guys." I say after a few seconds of silence. They didn't badger me for questions because they knew that I would tell them on my own time.
" We love you too." They responded as we pulled away from the hug. " Now wipe those tears, bad bitches don't cry." Ivy sassed as we got into the car.
How y'all doing ??? Good ... good.
If y'all thought Alessandro would fuck somebody else then shame on you. I read all the comments and I'll know if you go back and delete them.
Also sorry in advance for the next chapter.
𝕀𝕟𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕘𝕣𝕒𝕞: 𝕕𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕨_𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕥𝟙𝟚𝟛
𝕋𝕚𝕜𝕥𝕠𝕜: 𝕕𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪𝕓𝕠𝕦𝕥𝕚𝕥_𝟙𝟚𝟛
𝕋𝕨𝕚𝕥𝕥𝕖𝕣: 𝔸𝕝𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕨𝕣𝕚𝕥𝕖𝕤_