Chapter 14
Decision
Hindi ko na ulit nakita si Aedion nang araw na 'yon, siguro'y naging masyado nang abala sa pag eensayo. Hindi na rin naman kami nagtagal pa nila Mama. Sandali lang niyang kinausap ang mga staff na kasama tungkol sa mga nakitang gusto niyang ipaayos o ipabago pagkatapos ay tinapos na ang sinagawang inspection.
While we're on our way home, I text Aedion to inform him that Mama and I are going home. Hindi siya nakapag reply agad, 'di ko rin naman inaasahan na mabilis siyang makakapag reply dahil nga abala sa training.
I giggled when I remembered what happened earlier. I expected him to be as boastful and snobbish as he is when he meets Mama. I never thought he'll get shy like that!
I couldn't stop myself from giggling again, naalala kung papaanong bigla siyang nanahimik at nag seryoso nang lapitan kami ni Mama. Ni hindi niya nga ito matitigan ng diresto sa mata!
Although I find it funny, I couldn't deny that it also made me feel at ease. Ang kaalaman na maging si Aedion ay nakakaramdam ng hiya sa situwasyon namin ay nakapag panatag ng kalooban ko at nabura ang pag-aalinlangan tungkol sa panliligaw niya.
Gaya ng inaasahan ko, habang kumakain kami ng dinner ay hindi napigilan ni Mama ang ikuwento ang naging pagkikita nila ni Aedion kanina kay Papa. I felt nervous seeing how serious Papa was while listening to Mama.
"Ang guwapo niya! He seems to be a nice boy. Mukhang mahiyain nga lang kaya wala kaming masyadong napag-usapan kanina," si Mama na tila kinikilig pa sa kinu-kuwento.
Kunot ang noo at magkasalubong ang makakapal na kilay ni Papa. He almost sneered at Mama for being too jolly about it.
Bagaman halatang hindi gusto ang naging pagkikita ni Aedion at Mama, lalo na ang giliw na pinapakita ni Mama, walang naging komento si Papa. Though his expression is showing what he really feels about Aedion courting me.
Pasado alas onse nang tumawag si Aedion sa akin gaya ng dati. Ang buong akala ko'y naka move on na ako sa nasaksihan kanina, ngunit nang marinig ang seryoso niyang boses sa kabilang linya, at ang 'di pagbanggit ng naging pagkikita nila ni Mama, ay para akong sasabog at matatawa.
I kept on biting my lower lips, trying my hardest not to laugh. Lalo na nang banggitin ko ang ginawa namin ni Mama kanina at wala siyang komento na kahit na ano. Instead, he swiftly changed the topic.
"What are your plans for tomorrow?" he asked in a serious tone. Kung hindi pa ako nasanay sa kaniya'y iisipin kong galit siya.
I covered my mouth using my hand. I bit my lower lips and shook my head. Tumikhim ako at nangingiting sumagot.
"Hmm... wala naman, baka bumisita nalang ako ulit sa school," I tried to sound normal.
Sa kalagitnaan ng pag-uusap, hindi ko maiwasang maisip kung papaanong mabilis nagbago ang isip ko. Kung noon ay halos pigain ko na ang ulo ko makapag-isip lang ng excuse para 'di kami magkita. Ngayon, ako pa ang nagsabi na bibisita. Maybe because my doubts about his intentions are lessened now.
Iyon ang pinagkaabalahan ko sa mga sumunod na araw. I also brought food for all the players since I always visit them during lunch time. Ayoko rin kasing makaistorbo sa training nila. Noong unang beses ko kasing bumisita ng maaga, hindi pinasama ng kanilang coach si Aedion sa pag jo-jogging nila dahil maiiwan akong mag-isa sa gymnasium.
Alas onse na ng tanghali nang makarating ako ng school. I stepped out of our SUV and went inside the school grounds. Sa likod ko ay nakasunod si Mang Alfred na siyang may bitbit ng mga pagkain na pina-prepare ko sa aming cook kanina.
Sinulyapan ko iyon at napailing. Masyado iyong marami kaysa sa mga nauna kong dinala. Paano, nang marinig ni Mama na nagpapaluto ako, nagpilit siyang tumulong and even added a few more dishes to what I've asked our cook to prepare.
Honestly, I don't know why Mama is so excited when it comes to Aedion. Maybe it's because it is my first time to be courted? Or maybe... she's just a sucker for romance.
Kaya hindi ko rin maiwasang maniwala kay Tito Emmanuel nang pabiro niyang sinabi sa akin noon na si Mama daw ang nanligaw kay Papa. Hindi naman imposible, lalo na't hindi masyadong vocal si Papa sa kaniyang nararamdaman, unlike Mama who always says what she feels, especially when it comes to crushes and the likes.
Agad gumala ang mga mata ko nang marating ang gymnasium. Mukhang ngayon pa lang sila maglu-lunch break dahil mga pababalik palang sila sa kani-kanilang puwesto kung nasaan ang mga gamit nila. All of them are drenched with their own sweat and breathing heavily, making their chest move up and down in a dramatic way.
Isang pasada pa sa loob ang ginawa ko at nang 'di nakita ang hinahanap ay nagpasiyang pumasok na.
Their coach was the first one to notice my presence. He greeted me with a warm smile and quickly offered a helping hand when he saw the large bag that Mang Alfred was carrying. Lance sprint towards us, parang nawala ang pagod nang makarinig ng pagkain. His teammates followed him not too long. Pinaulanan nila ako ng pasasalamat bago nagsimulang paghatian ang mga pagkain.
"Uh... si Aedion?"
Kasalukuyang nakapalibot sa pagkain, I went near Lance who's standing at the back. Hindi makasingit sa mga kasama niya na 'di hamak na mas matatangkad at mas malaki ang pangangatawan.
He turned to me. Isang palakaibigang ngiti ang ginawad niya sa akin bago mabilis na nilibot ng kaniyang mga mata ang buong gymnasium.
"May sinagot lang na tawag 'yon kanina, e..." he scratched his head as he turned back to me. "Hanapin ko ba?"
Umiling ako at ngumiti. "Ah, hindi na. Hihintayin ko nalang siyang bumalik—"
Hindi pa man natatapos ang sinasabi, a wide smile formed on Lance's lips. Winagayway niya ang kamay niya, ang mga mata'y nasa aking likuran.
"Ayan na pala siya. Aedion! Hanap ka na!" he shouted and even pointed at me.
Uminit ang pisngi ko. My eyes quickly drifted to his teammates. Mabuti na lang at abala sila sa pagkain kundi ay baka nagsimula na naman sila sa pangaasar sa akin.
Lance excused himself and went back to his teammates. Bumuntong hininga ako. Lumingon ako at naabutan si Aedion na papasok ng gymnasium, nakayuko siya sa kaniyang cellphone.
I was about to walk towards him when he lifted his eyes. It quickly found mine. Bahagyang nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang makita ang madilim niyang mga mata na may bahid ng galit. I stopped my tracks. The dripping anger from his dark eyes made me feel nervous.
Aedion looked away, as if not wanting to look at me with those kind of eyes. His jaw moved a few times.
Kabado dahil sa nasaksihan, I only watched him for a far as he went towards the bench where his things are. Naupo siya doon at sinimulan punasan ang ilang butil ng pawis na dumadausdos sa gilid ng kaniyang mukha.
Bumuntong hininga siya, tila pinapakalma ang sarili. I swallowed hard and slowly went towards him.
Actually, this isn't the first time I saw him in a foul mood ever since I started visiting them during their practice. Kahit noong unang araw ng pagbisita ko sa kanila ay nagkaganito din siya. Akala ko no'ng una, dahil hindi siya nakasama sa pag eensayo dahil pinaiwan siya ng coach nila. But when I think about it thoroughly, his mood only changed when he received a call from someone.
Tahimik kaming naglakad patungo sa mini garden kung saan kami kumakain ng lunch. I was the one who suggested it cuz I don't think I can eat properly with his teammates around, lalo na't panay ang kantiyaw nila sa amin. Pumayag naman kaagad si Aedion, though the smug look on his face tells me he's putting a different meaning to my suggestion.
The petrichor smell attacked my nostrils as we walked through the slightly wet pavement made by the weak rain earlier this morning. Makulimlim pa rin ang kalangitan na tila ba anomang minuto ay nguling bubuhos ang ulan.
Pasimple kong sinulyapan si Aedion. He's holding the small bag where our separate food is. He looked serious and uptight as usual but the anger in his eyes a while ago was nowhere to be seen now. I then wondered who was he talking to through the phone and why does he look mad every time he talks to that person?
We were both quiet as we started eating our food. Aedion was the first one to speak, breaking the awkward silence growing in between us. From his food, he lifted his eyes to me and spoke.
"You're leaving on Monday?"
I nodded as I swallowed the food inside my mouth. "Oo, pero sa gabi pa ang flight namin. May tinatapos pa kasi si Papa sa trabaho,"
Time really moves so fast. Parang kalian lang ay namomroblema ako kung anong gagawin para hindi ma bored ngayong bakasyon. Ngayon ay halos isang linggo na lang at matatapos na ang bakasyon at magsisimula na ang huling taon namin sa kolehiyo. Yet here I am, still clueless on what to do after I graduate. I only took Business Ad cuz Lolo suggested it to me.
I snapped out from my deep thoughts when a familiar ringtone starts on playing. Napatitig ako kay Aedion nang ilabas niya ang kaniyang cellphone mula sa bulsa ng shorts niya. I quickly gave him a reassuring smile when I saw him thinking twice on answering the call.
"Excuse me," he uttered before standing up and walked to a nearby mango tree for privacy as he answered the call.
Sandali ko siyang tinitigan habang kinakausap ang nasa kabilang linya. I saw how his brows furrowed and eyes darkened a bit. Bahagya siyang tumalikod kaya 'di ko na nakita pa ang ekspresyon ng kaniyang mukha.
I took a deep breath and looked down on my food. I didn't saw it clearly, pero nasisiguro kong nakita ko ang pangalan ni Octavia sa screen ng kaniyang cellphone kanina. I wonder if they're having some sort of misunderstanding or something? Siya kaya ang palaging tumatawag kay Aedion nitong mga nakaraang araw?
Unconsciously, I started on playing with my food. Mukhang malapit talaga sila sa isa't isa para tawagan siya nito araw araw at magkaroon sila ng 'di pagkakaunawaan. I also remembered that Octavia brings food to their house. Ibig sabihin ay malapit din ito sa magulang ni Aedion. I wonder if she also brings food for Aedion at his apartment?
Umangat ang mga mata ko kay Aedion. Naabutan ko siyang binaba ang tawag. Umiling-iling siya na tila dismayado sa kung ano. I don't know why I started having ugly feelings in my stomach cuz of that sight. Binagsak kong nguli ang tingin ko sa aking pagkain nang naglakad na siya pabalik.
For some reason, my enthusiasm on visiting them everyday during practice slowly faded since that day. May mga pagkakataon na tinatanghali na ako ng dating dahil sa sobrang bagal kong kumilos. There were even times when I feel like I don't want to visit them and just stay in my room, hindi ko nga lang magawa dahil nagpahanda na ng mga pagkain si Mama sa cook namin para dalhin ko sa araw na iyon.
I didn't even laugh when Aedion asked me about Mama, which was odd. Kasi dati tuwing naaalala ko ang inasta niya noong araw na 'yon ay hindi ko napipigilan ang sarili kong matawa o ngumiti man lang.
"Did your mother say anything about me?"
Sandali ko siyang tinitigan. His question sounded critical, though he looks like he's taking it lightly. I smiled at him and shook my head as an answer.
Sinubukan kong ayusin ang disposisyon ko bago kami umalis. I felt bad realizing how I treated him these past few days. I know I shouldn't feel this way. Octavia is his friend long before I came to the picture, kaya hindi dapat ako nakakaramdam ng pait pag nakikita ko kung gaano sila kalapit sa isa't isa. I shouldn't do or make him feel like he needs to change anything about their relationship because of me.
Monday came and like how we planned, my parents and I took a flight to Australia for a week vacation there and to visit Kuya Azekiel.
I let out a deep sigh as soon as I settled on my seat. I tried to act like normal pero tila hirap na hirap akong gawin iyon. Especially on his usual calls at night. I always end up shutting my lips and wait for him to say something. Para bang may hinihintay akong sabihin niya.
Mayroong condo na tinutuluyan si Kuya sa Australia. Nagpasiya kaming doon na lang din tumuloy sa loob ng isang linggo naming bakasyon sa lugar.
I spend my first day at Australia staying inside my room. Niyaya ako ni Mama na mag shopping ngunit wala akong gana na gawin ang kahit na ano ngayong araw, medyo nahihilo rin matapos ang biyahe.
I messaged Aedion through Messenger when we arrived. As always, he didn't reply quickly. No'ng una, ayos lang iyon sa akin. Iniisip ko kasi na abala siya sa training nila. But whenever I remember how he'd answer Octavia's calls even when they're in the middle of training, nakakaramdam ako ng kaunting iritasyon.
I forced myself to sleep, nagising lang nang marahang kumatok si Mama, nakauwi na galing sa pagso-shopping. I was still half asleep while she's showing me the clothes she bought me.
"Thank you po," wala sa sarili kong sinabi saka pinulot ang isang oversized shirt na binili niya para sa akin.
Kumurap-kurap si Mama. She tilted her head to the side, sinisilip ang mukha ko. I hummed as I lifted my eyes to her. Ngumiti siya.
"May problema ba, anak?" marahan niyang tanong. "You have been very quiet since we came here. Is something wrong? Nag away ba kayo ng Kuya mo?"
I quickly shook my head. "Hindi po, Ma. Palagi namang wala si Kuya, paano kami mag aaway..." ngumuso ako.
It's true anyway. Kuya Azekiel is always out since we came here. I talked to him on our first night here about it, asking him if he could clear his schedule even for just this week. Sayang naman kasi ang pagpunta namin dito nila Mama, hindi pa rin namin siya nakakasama. He only laughed and promised to do something about it.
Mama giggled. "Don't be mad at your brother, Yuri. He also wants to spend time with us, but he needs to attend some conferences,"
I nodded.
Mama continued showing me the other clothes she brought. Bumuntong hininga ako.
I was becoming less responsive to Aedion. Tuwing tinatawagan niya ako sa gabi at 'di binabanggit ang tungkol sa kanila ni Octavia, pakiramamdam ko, mas lalong napupuno ng pait ang kalooban ko. There were times when I tried to drift our topic close to it, nagbabakasakaling mabanggit niya, but he'll just swiftly change the topic and ask me about other things.
Doon ko lang din napansin na tuwing nag-uusap kami, I was always the topic. We never talked about him, what he does when he's not at work and training. Doon ko din napagtanto na wala ako masyadong alam sa kaniya. I know a little about his family, though I think if I didn't insist to go to the old basketball court where he plays when he was still a kid, hindi ko rin malalaman ang kaunting iyon tungkol sa kaniyang pamilya.
"Saan ka tumutuloy ngayong bakasyon?" I asked.
"In my apartment,"
I swallowed hard before throwing the next question. "Hindi mo binibisita ang... Papa mo?"
My heart pounded when he didn't answer. It felt like I asked something inappropriate. I was about to apologize when he spoke.
"Minsan, Yuri. Bakit?" the last word he uttered sounded like he was suspicious.
I bit my lower lips. Nasa dulo na ng dila ko ang pangalan ni Octavia. But I couldn't voice it out. Lalo na ngayong naririnig ang tono ng boses niya na tila ba ayaw niyang pinag-uusapan namin ang parteng ito. I feel like I'm prying.
Sa huli, hindi ko naitanong sa kaniya ang tungkol sa kanila ni Octavia. I also stopped myself from thinking about it. Why am I too bothered about it anyway? If they're having some sort of misunderstanding, what is it to me? It's none of my business.
I shoved all the bitter feelings I carried with me when I left the Philippines and tried to have some quality time with my family instead.
Kuya Azekiel did not have any conference nor classes to attend to the next days kaya nagkaroon kami ng oras para magkasamang apat. Mama wanted to change some furniture's in Kuya's condo, kaya iyon ang pinagkaabalahan namin. Madalas kaming dalawa lang ni Mama ang tumitingin dahil may ibang pinag-uusapan si Kuya at Papa na nakasunod lang sa amin.
While we're at the mall, naisip ko din na bilhan ng pasalubong sila Rebecca. I texted the three of them last week, tinatanong kung nakapag enroll na ba sila. Sa school kasi, pag sabay na mag enroll, mas malaki ang tiyansa na maging magkaklase kayo.
I wasn't expecting them to reply lalo na't hindi maganda ang pakikitungo nila sa akin hanggang noong huling araw ng klase. Surprisingly, they replied! Tuwang-tuwa ako nang nguli ko silang makausap. They told me what they've been up to this vacation at ang mga pinuntahan nila kasama ang kani-kanilang pamilya. Rebecca even wanted us to meet pagkauwi ko ng Pilipinas! That made me so happy. I really thought I'm going to lose my friends. Mabuti nalang at hindi. I don't think I can live another year in college without any friends.
"Hindi mo ba bibilhan ng pasalubong ang manliligaw mo?" bulong sa akin ni Mama nang patungo na ako sa counter, bitbit ang mga napiling pasalubong sa mga kaibigan.
Nilingon ko siya. Her brows moved up and down. I looked to my right where all the products for men are placed. Binalik ko ang tingin kay Mama. She grinned at me.
"Kailangan po ba, Mama?"
Kumurap-kurap si Mama. "Oo naman! Don't you want to give him anything?"
Hindi ako sumagot. Nagtagal ang tingin sa akin ni Mama. Her smile slowly faded as she kept on staring at me.
"Don't you like him, hija?" she asked cautiously.
I pursed my lips then slowly shook my head. Nakita ko ang pagkadismaya sa mukha ni Mama. Bumagsak ang balikat niya. Sa kabila no'n ay ngumiti ulit siya sa akin.
"Bakit? Did he do something that turned you off?"
Umiling ako. "Wala po. I just... don't like him, that's all."
Umuwang ang labi ni Mama. Sandali siyang nanahimik, tila napaisip sa pag-amin ko. Her lips formed a smile. She combed my hair.
"But you still gave him a chance?" malambing niyang tanong.
Tumango ako at bahagyang yumuko. Sa hindi malamang dahilan, unti-unting namuo ang mga luha sa gilid ng aking mga mata, kasabay ng pagsikip ng dibdib.
To be honest, at some point, I thought I was catching feelings for him. Lalo na noong um-attend ako ng party na inaalala ang mararamdaman niya kung sakaling sumayaw ako kasama ang ibang lalaki. I really thought I was falling for him, for I was being too worried about his feelings. Pero ngayong binabalikan ko iyon, tingin ko, masyado lang akong na pressure.
This is my first to be courted. I don't know what to do or how to act in front of him. Ngayon ko lang napansin na masyado akong nagpatangay sa agos. Why am I the one concerned about what he might feel about me if I do something? Gayong siya itong may gusto sa akin, at hindi ako? He didn't even think what I might feel for always seeing him talking to someone over the phone every time I visit him during their practice. He did not even tell me who it was. Kung hindi ko pa siguro nakita ang pangalan ni Octavia ay hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung sino ang madalas niyang kausap!
Pinag-isipan ko iyong mabuti, at sa huli napagtanto ko na hindi ko matatagalan ang ganoon. Kung ngayon pa lamang na nanliligaw siya ay may tinatago na siya sa akin, what more if we became a couple? Ayoko rin ng pakiramdam na tila ba pinipilit kong alamin ang mga bagay-bagay sa kaniya. I feel like I'm the one who's trying hard to find a reason to trust him, when in reality, he should be the one trying to earn my trust.
Hindi ko alam kung naging masyado bang mabilis ang pagdedesisyon ko. Na baka masyado lang akong nadadala ng pait na ilang araw ko nang kinikimkim. But whenever I think about it again, I still ended up with the same conclusion.
I'll turn him down.
Mabilis na nagdaan ang isang linggo na bakasyon namin sa Australia. Kahit na hindi kami ganoon ka-close ni Kuya sa isa't isa, hindi ko maitatanggi na mami-miss ko siya pagbalik namin sa Pilipinas.
I hugged him when we're about to leave. I felt him stiffened a bit for what I did, siguro'y nagulat dahil hindi ko naman ito ginagawa noon. He chuckled on my ear and wrapped his arms around my waist, hugging me back lightly.
"I'll miss you, Kuya," I said.
From my peripheral vision, nakikita ko si Mama na titig na titig sa amin, siguro'y nagulat din sa ginawa ko. Papa was busy talking to his secretary on the phone while watching us blankly.
Kuya caressed my hair. "Uuwi ako pag lumuwag ang schedule ko," he whispered gently.
Malungkot ako nang makauwi na kami ng Pilipinas. Siguro'y mami-miss ko lang talaga ng sobra na buo kaming pamilya kaya ganito na lang ang nararamdaman ko.
I tried to cheer myself up, iniisip ang nalalapit naming pagkikita ni Rebecca. Ngayon ang unang pagkakataon na magkikita kami sa labas ng campus. Madalas kasi ay hindi nila ako sinasamang tatlo sa mga lakad nila dahil, sabi nila, hindi naman daw ako mag eenjoy dahil ayaw ko naman sa mga masyadong "girly".
Pilit kong inalis 'yon sa aking isip. I should stop thinking about those bitter memories. Instead, I should use this opportunity to make it up to her, para naman bumalik na kami sa dati.
Aedion messaged me that night after we landed back to the Philippines. I replied to him, pero bukod doon ay wala na. I shouldn't entertain him too much, for it might give him false hope. That's not good, especially now that I've decided to turn him down.
Wearing an oversized white shirt, black jean shorts, and a pair of sneakers, I stepped inside the café where Rebecca and I are going to meet up. Agad ko siyang nahanap nang itaas niya ang kaniyang kamay sa akin. I smiled and went towards her.
"Hi! Kanina ka pa?"
Nakangiti siyang umiling. "Kadarating ko lang din. Upo ka, order na tayo,"
I nodded and sat on the chair on the other side of the table. We then called the waiter to take our order.
Ngiting-ngiti ako habang pinagmamasdan si Rebecca habang sinasabi ang order niya sa waiter. Mas gumanda siya ngayon kaysa no'ng huli kaming nagkita. She chopped her long black hair a little, ngayo'y hanggang dibdib na lamang niya ito. She also curled the ends of it. Pinakulayan niya din ito. Kulay dark brown na ito, while some strands have lighter colors. Her make-up was done perfectly like usual.
Nang masabi ang order, the waiter left us. Rebecca turned back to me with a smile on her lips. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya.
"So, how was your vacation in Australia?" she asked.
We talked about how we spend our vacation. Ang dami niyang kinu-kuwento sa akin tungkol sa bakasyon nila ng kaniyang pamilya sa Palawan. I laughed a bit when she told me how she met a handsome foreigner, and how she tried to get his number.
"Nga pala,"
Kasalukuyang kumakain, nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Rebecca. She swallowed the food inside her mouth and sipped on her iced tea bago nagpatuloy sa pagsasalita.
"Totoo ba ang narinig ko na nililigawan ka daw ni Aedion?"
Nanlamig ako. I straightened my back and licked my lower lips. Ramdam ko ang pagbilis ng tibok ng aking puso. This is the reason why we fought back then. I don't want that to happen again. Halos mataranta na ako sa kakaisip kung papaano sasagutin ang tanong niya ng hindi siya magagalit.
Rebecca chuckled. "Calm down, Yuri,"
I looked at her cautiously. There was no trace of anger in her face. Kumurap-kurap siya. Dahan-dahang kumurba ang ngiti sa kaniyang labi.
"Ano? Nililigawan ka ba ni Aedion? Answer me honestly," marahan niyang sinabi.