So I recently watched the movie Love, Simon and I ugly cried through the entire second half of it. I think I started crying when he found out the guy had outed him. But the ugly crying started when he came out to his parents.
I really felt for Simon and related to him a little bit. Except I don't have super progressive parents. His parents were supportive. Mine weren't. His parents wanted to start a conversation about it. My parents don't. My mom even says homophobic things like it's not a big deal.
Even though I wasn't outed, it was still hard. I really struggled with the decision to come out. I hadn't come out to anyone in person. Not even my best friend. The only person I told in person was my therapist. But she doesn't count. My sisters and brother-in-law already knew but my parents and the rest of the people I knew, did not. I was out of town the day I did it. I wrote a post about the inauguration that had just happened and put in that I was a part of the LGBTQ community. My mom was home with my older sister who was visiting. As soon as my older sister saw it, she called the sister who was with me, freaking out. She was obviously happy for me but definitely worried about my mom's response. Then that night she saw it and sent me a text.
It may seem sweet that she told me she loves me. I'm happy she did but I'm pretty sure that was my sister making her say that. She did tell me she was sorry I didn't feel like I could tell her. But then she continued to say homophobic things. They weren't the obvious homophobic things like slurs. But they weren't kind.
I later found out from my sister that when my mom saw it, she repeatedly yelled "what the fuck" and began to chug a bottle of Jäger.
I did get some supported messages. The first were the ones on my post. The top one is my best friend who told me to tell her the second I posted it. So she wrote a comment. The second is from my older sister's friend.
I blocked out usernames for obvious reasons. But I also received simple I love you messages from my sisters. Then I made a post about how the Netflix musical The Prom meant a lot to me and helped me feel confident enough to come out. I listed a few quotes that spoke to me and said how I related to the main characters. A little while after I posted that my cousin, who I work with, sent me a text.
It really meant a lot. Especially since I had gotten my wisdom teeth out the day before, so that was what I needed in my time of pain.
So like Simon, I had support. Just not from all the same people that he did. I thought the movie was done very well and made me feel something. I even watched it twice in the same day. Now I need to read the book this summer.
But I just wanted to talk about that. I really needed to get that off my chest. Thank you if you took the time to read this.