"Anong oras na?" pagsalubong nya sa akin sa gate. Nagulat ako pero hindi ko ipinahalata iyon. Hindi ka ba magugulat kung saktong pagtalikod mo, nakaabang sya.
"6:49." I answered.
"Don't joke with me, Aviva Lorelei." Ay galit na. Tinawag na naman ako sa buong pangalan ko.
"Okay, I'm sorry. Napasarap lang ng usapan kaya nagtagal. Can we go inside first? Medyo lumalamig na kasi eh." sabay pasok ko sa loob.
"And he even brought you home." sunod nya sa akin.
"You want me to go home by myself?"
"No! When you hung up, I was waiting for you to call me again so I could fetch you but you didn't."
"I'm sorry, okay? Can we talk this over tomorrow? I'm tired, Ga. By the way, where are the kids?"
"They are in the living room waiting for their mother to go home after she meets with some other man from morning to dawn." he said sarcastically. I got tired of what he was implying so I stopped before we could reach the house and faced him.
"Are you implying that I was cheating on you? That I was enjoying his company as a man?"
"Then what?" he said frustratedly.
"I can't believe you thought about that. You think that I would cheat on you? Ang babaw naman ng tingin mo sa akin." A lone tear escaped my eyes so I brushed it off at dire-diretsong pumasok sa loob not minding his calls.
"Mommy!" tawag ng kambal nang lumingon sila sa tunog ng pinto at nakita akong papasok.
"Hi, babies. Have you eaten yet?" I kissed their foreheads.
"Not yet po. We are waiting for you to come home po eh." Leigh said.
"Are you tired na po ba, mommy? Have you eaten na po?" Van asked. Buti pa ang bata alam magtanong kung pagod ka na ba hindi yung puro konklusyon agad sinasabi.
"Medyo. Can I go upstairs and rest na? Mommy's still full pa naman eh. Eat with your daddy nalang and after that, sleep na kayo para maaga rin kayong magising tomorrow." bilin ko.
"Rest well, mommy." They both said and kissed me goodnight.
Umakyat na ako sa kwarto at dumiretso sa bathroom para makapaglinis ng katawan.
I planned on staying in the bath tub for about half an hour to ease my mind. Hindi ko namalayan na naka-idlip na pala ako kung hindi ko lang narinig ang pagbukas at sara ng pintuan ng kwarto ay baka dito na ako nakatulog nang tuluyan.
"Al." he softly knocked on the door. Ngayon, Al na ulit ang tawag sa akin. Akala nya ba ganon ganon na lang yon?
"Naliligo ako." I coldly said. He didn't respond for a while until I heard him say okay at umalis na sa may pinto.
I stayed for 10 minutes more and decided to get up and get dressed.
Pagbukas ko ng pinto ay tumambad sa akin si Gray na nakaupo sa kama habang nakatitig sa pinto ng CR.
"Anong ginagawa mo?" tanong ko nang nakataas ang kilay.
"S-sorry." hindi ko alam kung sa pagtitig nya sa pinto sya nagso-sorry o sa ginawa nya kanina.
"For?" buti at hindi pa nangangalay ang kilay ko sa pagkakataas hanggang ngayon.
"For what I had said earlier. I know na mali ang sinabi ko kanina and I didn't mean it. I was just consumed by jealousy."
I stopped in from of him kaya nakatingala syang nakatingin sa akin ngayon.
"Alam mo? Walang patutunguhan yang selos mo. Anong mangyayari sa atin kung puro selos ang paiiralin mo? Nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi mo kanina." as I've said the last sentence, my tears flow from my eyes.
Napatayo na rin sya kaya ako naman ang nakatingala sa kanya.
"I know my sorry will not make any difference kasi nasaktan na kita. I'm trying, Al. I really do. Pero tuwing naiisip ko yung panahon na bigla mo na lang akong iniwan, nandyan pa rin yung takot ko na baka gawin mo ulit yon." that made us both silent.
Pareho kaming napa-upo ulit sa kama nang tahimik.
"Why did you leave me, Aviva?" he whispered enough for me to hear.
"Bakit mo ako niloko, Gray?" I whispered back that made him look at me.
"Niloko kita? When? I remember how I'm so in love with you back then that cheating on you will never cross my mind." he smiled bitterly.
"So sinasabi mong niloloko lang ako ng mga mata ko?" we are still not looking at each other while talking. Pakiramdam ko kapag tumingin ako sa kanya, lalala ang luhang lumalabas na sa mga mata ko.
"But I really did not cheat on you. I swear." he sounded so sincere that I wanted to believe in him.
"How about Marian?" saying her name makes my mouth taste sour.
"What about Marian?" parang naguguluhan nyang tanong.
"Hindi mo talaga natatandaan? O gusto mong ako pa mismo ang magsabi na nakita ko kayo sa kwarto natin, hubad, at magkayakap na natutulog? Iyon ba ang gusto mo, na sa bibig ko pa manggaling?" tinignan ko sya diretso sa mga mata nya pero hindi pa rin nagbabago ang gulo sa mga mata nya.
"What are you talking about, Aviva? Why would I sleep with your friend?"
"And that hurts me more, Gray! You slept with my friend."
"But I really haven't slept with her ever since. Please believe me. I don't know where you got that but that's the truth."
"I said, I saw it, Gray. Ako mismo ang nakakita. That night, I was so happy to tell you the news that I'm pregnant. That's why I'm feeling sick and didn't attend the company's anniversary party. But when I got home, iyon pa ang bumungad sa akin. How do you think I would react to that?!"
"That night." It's as if something rang in his head. "I was drunk that night. I don't remember anything clearly but I know I asked Anton to bring me home. I also remember him dating Marian back then. They drove me home and that's the last thing I remembered. Pag-gising ko naman ay mag-isa lang ako sa kwarto natin, Al. kaya hindi ko alam kung ano ang sinasabi mo." ang mukha nya ay nagmamakaawa na. Am I really hallucinating that time? No, I'm not.
"Gray, I saw what I saw."
"If you just let us talk back then, Aviva. The misunderstanding wouldn't take us years."
"What can I do? I was hurt and felt betrayed. Your boyfriend and your best friend? How hurtful is that? I wanted to protect my child back then so I decided to run away. That's the only thing that runs to my head."
"Would you believe me if I say I didn't sleep with her and nothing happened? I know to myself that I was unconscious to death at that time and that I couldn't make any move."
"H-how about what I saw?"
"Do you believe me?" he repeated.
"Y-yes." I believed his reasoning and I know for a fact that he's stating the truth when he said that he's unconscious to death that he cannot move when he's really drunk.
"I'm sorry that you have to bring those in years. I promise, aalamin ko kung ano ang nakita mo. Alam ko sa sarili ko na wala talagang nangyari sa amin pero hindi ko rin kayang ipagsawalang-bahala ang nakita mo." he caress my head and hugged me tightly.
"I'm sorry for running away."
"Shh. I'm okay now. I hope you are too." he unclasped from his hug and looked at me. "We've known each other's side from what happened in the past."
I continued the words he wanted to say, "This is another start for us. And now, for real and good?"
"Yeah. From now on, we will be open to each other to avoid these misunderstandings, hmn? We will figure things out when there are problems. I cannot afford to lose you for the second time, Al."
"Trust." I whispered and smiled. He smiled at me as well. And that's how I know in my heart that this will be a good step for our relationship. A step wherein we will put trust in each other. Hindi pala talaga sapat na mahal nyo lang ang isa't isa to make a relationship work.
The truth is, wala na akong pakialam kay Marian. Ngayon na naipaliwanag na namin sa isa't isa ang mga sarili namin. There is still a question in my head na hindi naman maiiwasan kung ano nga ba talaga ang nakita ko pero mas nananaig ang tiwala ko kay Gray.
"No more running away, okay?" he said that made my smile a cheeky one.
"No more over jealousy, mister. And please, don't get jealous of my brother." my smile turned into laughter thinking of his jealousy with my brother.
The pain that I've felt earlier vanished like a bubble. This is really a good start for us.
"Brother? He's your brother?!"
"U-huh. Hey mister, that's ewwy. You know that? I don't want an incest relationship."
"I really got overboard with my jealousy. I'm really sorry, Al. I will really try to control this jealousy of mine."
Well, trying is a good word.
"I just found out earlier. Kaya nagtagal kami kasi we talked about our lives, actually his life lang eh."
"Now, I feel much worse for saying those things."
"Nakalimutan ko na nga eh."
"Ang bilis mo pa ring magpatawad hanggang ngayon no? Pero bakit tiniis mo ako ng ilang taon noon? You're being unfair with that part." pagmamaktol nya kunwari. I laughed. "Wanna let those feelings out?" he asked when he saw my eyes.
"You still read eyes really well, huh?"
"Mga mata mo lang naman, Al."
"You know what? Hindi ako nakaramdam ng galit when I found out that he's my brother from my father. I was shocked, yes but not angry. I was more about pitying and loving him more when he told me his story." I started while we lay on the bed.
"I was more than hurt when he told me that our papa never knew of his existence. At habang nagkkwento sya, naisip ko ang mga bata. What if our paths didn't cross? Would our children go through the same fate with my brother? Iniisip ko pa lang, nasasaktan na ako. That's why I'm really regretting running away from you." he was now caressing my head while I continued talking.
"He knows us but we don't know him. And I saw how he really loves us, his sisters. Imagine? Instead of being angry kasi kami yung kasama ni papa kaysa sya, pagmamahal ang tinanim nya sa puso nya hindi poot. And he just wanted to feel the love of a family and who am I to not give it to him? He's a great guy and even though I don't know him much yet, I feel in my heart that he's a great family." pagtatapos ko.
"Hush. You have a lifetime para iparamdam sa kanya kung paano mahalin ng isang kapatid. Let him feel the warmth of being your family." he showed me his handsome smile.
"Don't get jealous na ha? I can't stand thinking that you're jealous of him."
"Yeah. Thinking about it now, I guess I feel the same." he chuckled.
"I'm happy with this renewed second chance. I know deep within my heart that our relationship became stronger by closing our past issues. Let's not give others a chance to ruin our family." sabay siksik ko sa kanya lalo.
"Mahal na mahal kita, Al."
"Mahal na mahal rin kita, Ga."
And that's how our night ended. Being in each other's arms full of love and trust. From now on, I will not make any harmful decisions because of emotions. Instead, I'll talk about it with him because that's how a relationship works.
Love is great but it's not enough for a relationship to stand and be strong. There are a lot of things needed aside from love, and trust is one of them.
-
[ Ate Saint's Note ]
Pangarap ko talaga gawing library yung kwarto ko emz hindi ko alam bakit ko sinasabi dito wala lang HSAHSAHASH lovelots!
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