[A/N: Q&A ENDS THIS FRIDAY | this chapter is 15 pages long, enjoy!]
-Kaisa-
After recovering fully, Hange, Eren, and I conducted experiments in attempts to discover a way to use our abilities together. Unsurprisingly, Eren didn't experience any negative consequences from being with me on his shoulder while the flickering bolts of light danced around me haphazardly. Day after day, we spent time together and now, it's two days before the expedition to Wall Maria.
The Survey Corps was informed of my capabilities, but none of the other wards got word of what I could do. It'd be too dangerous to risk having others intervene with the progress we've made, so Eren and I have been mostly staying in clear land during training to avoid any casualties. Hange—of course—didn't take no for an answer and always stood away from us with Moblit by their side.
Currently, Eren and I stand in the middle of the field, joking around about some stupid shit. We've gotten closer recently from our mutually shared exhaustion from the scientist's unforgiving experiments. Most of the time, it comes from him being clueless about anything personal about his own life. Most of the time, it's me having to spell out the most basic ideas of relationships.
"-and that's why Marlo fucked up." I conclude.
"But, he's just doing what he wants! I give him props for joining the Survey Corps...even though he should have done it from the start." He grumbles near the end.
I groan, "Holy fuck, you are the densest person I know, dude."
"Psh, stop lying, Kaisa. I figured out that you had feelings for Levi, and now look where you two are!"
I burst, "I don't even know how you figured that out considering you can't even tell that Hitch definitely likes Marlo!"
Eren moves back slightly, "I don't know either! I just saw you two together, that's all!"
I roll my eyes, "Just because we spend time together doesn't automatically mean that we had feelings for each other."
He furrows his brows, "No, I swear I saw you two together, as in, together."
"You're spewing shit now, Jaeger."
"I'm just telling you what I saw!"
"Okay!" Hange cheers from a distance, ending our conversation, "Let's see if we can finalize these abilities of yours!"
I move a distance from Eren, letting him bite his hand as he does to transform while I stand to the side; we haven't been able to trigger the lightning for myself since the event on the wall. Hange holds the ongoing opinion that the event may have been a triggering event which only happens on the first time. As for now, the most that'll come of me is the slight burst of wind from my body with glowing eyes. On good days, some flickers of my golden light will appear with extreme concentration. It's nothing new, but at least I know my limitations. Who knows what'll be the trigger for me to ignite the thunders once more?
I also found out that I changed the weather while doing the first test on the wall—apparently, it wasn't supposed to rain that day. What's even more interesting is the forest in front of us located in Shiganshina collapsed from a small typhoon. All this information is surprising, but makes sense considering the observations.
Eren's transformation finishes, and I attach a hook to his shoulder, sitting once I get up there. Eren turns his head to face me, giving a small nod as a welcome while I ruffle his huge lock of hair next to me as a courtesy. We stare down at Hange awaiting a response as she writes the time taken for him to transform, occupying ourselves on the side. I shuffle closer to the piece of his hair, placing a small bit over my head, pretending to have atrociously long hair.
Peeking through his locks, I fix a gaze with him as I pull a strand to my upper lip, twisting the end like a mustache. He lets out a huff, almost sounding like a weird titan chuckle, causing me to burst into laughter. We laugh as I play around with his hair into weird positions when Hange exclaims from below.
"It laughs! Did you get that Moblit?!" She turns to Moblit who nods his head, scribbling away.
"Eren is not an 'it', Hange!" I laugh harder from above.
"When'd you get that haircut?!" She retorts, "You should get a refund!"
I gasp, offended, but continue snickering nevertheless. Eren lets out another small chuckle, which I return with a slap on his shoulder.
"Oi! No slapping on titans!" Hange berates before pausing, "...Unless you wanna hit him with one of your pressurized air attacks!"
I turn to Eren. We haven't practiced using my own offensive abilities against him—I never thought about it since I never actually meant to use it on someone I knew on purpose.
"Do you want to try?" I ask.
Eren doesn't respond and just looks at me, so I climb down his side before setting my feet on the ground. From this angle, he is a literal giant, convincing me that anything I pull against him would have no effect. I jog towards Hange for guidance, only for her to tell me I need to hit with the intention of hurting him.
"Just think Eren committing having a role in your worst fear coming true—maybe that'd trigger something."
My worst fear, hm?
My core feels uncomfortably light, twisting in discomfort when a thought comes to mind. But, even so, it's impossible for me to think Eren would ever do anything close to this fear. Even though I'm uncomfortable, I can't genuinely believe Eren would do that.
"I don't know, Hange...Even if I'm uncomfortable right now, I just know that Eren wouldn't do that." I sigh.
She taps the pen against her chin, "Maybe you don't need to practice after all."
I return a confused stare, "Have you lost it? Of course I need to practice!"
Hange shakes her head, "Maybe not. All of the abilities you've acquired have appeared subconsciously in the moment you need it; it's almost like muscle memory to you."
"But, that's different! These are aggressive attacks; the others were simply defence."
"Are they really, though?" Hange challenges, "We know you're not a titan—you don't have the same mechanisms as they do; the source of your power is evidently internal and without external intervention. You've been training all these years as a soldier, so there's no doubt your body is in its fittest shape. All that's gotta happen is waiting for that trigger to release in you again."
She pauses for a moment, dropping her shoulders, "But damn! I really wanted to see you kick Eren's ass."
She bats her lashes at me, "Can you please try being aggressive against him anyway?"
"Agh, fine."
Hange squeals in delight, shoving me towards Eren.
"Alright Eren," I begin, "I'm going to try to take you down as I would any other freak like you, got it? I expect you'll fight me like any other enemy."
He nods slightly, bringing his arms up in a defensive pose. It'd be best if he didn't know I'd be trying to activate or recall some forms of aggression from the wind around me. Taking a breath, I roll my shoulders in a stretch before drawing blades from my gear. Since he's already seen how Levi and I fight, I can imagine he has a clear idea of which muscles I'm going to strike first. That just means I need to change it up and go for something different than immobilization; in other words, I need to avoid cutting his calf tendons first.
I'm already at a disadvantage—there aren't any trees or buildings around us, leaving Eren as the only target I can swing across. He'll try to snatch my wire for sure, so I'll have to get him low without compromising myself.
Shit, this is going to be harder than I thought. I'll just have to play by each move I guess.
"Try to crush me if you can, Jaeger!" I taunt from below.
He raises his left leg, which leaves two possibilities: he's either going to squash me or he's going to kick me from the side like a rag doll. Either way, the answer to me is clear: I've got to be defensive until I find an opening to make a couple of cuts.
But Eren surprises me, breaking into a swift motion with his right fist rushing towards me. I don't have time to move, but I do have time to raise a shield. His fist barely misses me, the golden orb appearing around my body comfortably. The wind inside the orb is a bit chilling, but nothing too out of the ordinary. I thank my hair-tie for staying intact, knowing that having hair in my face would be too much of a distraction for me.
Eren strikes the orb again while I stare up at him, watching the barrier continue to protect me without fault. The air pressure inside rises, and the wind thrashes around me more than before. He takes a step back and puts his arms back up, so I release the orb only to see Eren fly across the field, tumbling amongst the rocks and grass. In shock, I stand still without any idea of what to do.
Quickly, I look over my shoulder to Hange who's now on the floor also taken aback from the events that have just happened. She stares at me with mouth wide open before breaking into a smile. She turns to Moblit who's a bit further back against a wall, telling him something before running towards me and smothering me in a hug. We tumble onto the grass, her giggles filling my left ear as she pushes herself off the ground as soon as we stop moving.
"Are you warm?! Got a fever?! Anything wrong with you?!" Questions are tossed out without end, and her glasses have a glint from the sun above despite a new crack.
"Hange, your glasses! And what about Eren?!" Worry laces my voice.
"Right! I gotta ask how he managed to be sent across the field."
I shake my head, "But he went flying! We don't know if he's okay."
She nods, going to stand up before stumbling over her feet. With a hand on her knee, she takes in a couple of deep breaths, swaying on the balls of her feet slightly. Immediately, I get up next to her, sliding a hand around her waist for balance. She chuckles softly, lifting her head, slightly out of breaths.
"It appears that shield of yours absorbs the energy from your opponents and reflects it back towards the enemy."
More concerned with her safety, I passively agree, taking her towards Eren, "Yeah, it seems that way."
"I'm surprised I was able to get away with only falling on my ass." She mumbles as we shuffle towards Eren.
Instead of staying quiet, she theorizes aloud, rambling about her sights and its applicable nature for future battles. Eventually, she ends up on my back so we're able to cover more ground, thanking me for carrying her as we approach Eren. The path to find him wasn't too difficult with the steam radiating off his body and with the huge indents in the ground as he somehow created a dirt road straight towards him. Upon arriving, he looks like he's still laying on his front, but in actuality is sitting upon the back of his decomposing titan.
"You almost got me there." Eren says, climbing down to meet us on the ground with markings below his eyes.
Pushing aside the event, I get straight to the point while carefully sitting Hange down, "Does anything hurt at all?"
"Yes I'm fin-" He begins.
Before he finishes, my hands are on his cheeks, tilting his head around for any major injuries. Next is his neck, and shoulders. Everything looks to be intact, but who knows what kind of internal damage could have happened?
"Oi, Kaisa! I told you I'm fine!" He aggressively pushes my arms away from him.
"Don't catch an attitude with me, Jaeger, I swear I'll-"
My words are thrown right back at me once I see his figure towering over me, hands pressed into my cheeks. He tilts my head around before putting his arms on my shoulders, shaking me slightly as if to knock some sense into me while examining their functionality.
"H-Hey! Your hands are dirty!" I scoff, waving him off me.
He stands back, knowing he's proved his point, "Doesn't feel too good, does it, Kaisa?"
"Oi, what did I say about catching an attitude?" I retort, acknowledging his discomfort at the same time, making a mental note to avoid that abrasive care in the future.
"Stop babying me—I don't need another Mikasa watching over me." He absentmindedly comments.
"You're the only hope we have for sealing Wall Maria—you should know better than to complain about people caring for you!" I express, barely noticing the pen in Hange's hand, writing down the events.
"You think I don't know that? I have to get hurt in training to know how to deal with what I'm doing so that I don't mess it up when I get out there." Eren responds.
"That may be true, but that comment about Mikasa was entirely uncalled for. She cares for you and it isn't wrong to want to make sure your loved ones stay alive! You're way too comfortable running out into battles you may not win which scares all of us because we need you and we want to make sure that you, the 15 year old Eren, is somewhat safe when you're fighting on our behalf." I continue.
I shake my head before letting my frustration catch up to me, "Have you forgotten, Eren? You're 15! Not, 18, not 20, not 35, but 15! You are a kid! How do you think it makes me and those you care about feel knowing we're essentially sending you to die for us each time you leave?"
"She's right." Hange comments.
We both turn to her with the unamused expression, knowing full well she's ignored this concept in the past. A shiver goes down my back, and my body straightens itself, recognizing movement in the area. Relaxing slightly, I bring my attention back to the conversation at hand.
Eren moves on, "You've got it wrong, Kaisa. You aren't sending me to die—I choose to go and fight on behalf of you. You don't shoulder that pressure—I do. If I die, then so be it, but there's only one way I win, and it's if I get better and master this stupid ability as best as I can."
"So, please, Kaisa..." He begins, before clenching his fist, "Fight me again!"
I stare up at the teenager with his heart ablaze and fixated on his one goal for those he cares about and himself: freedom. The only audible thing right now is Hange's pen clicking as she writes on his wrists and the wind rustlings through the trees behind Eren. Placing a hand on my head, I concede with his request.
"That was really cringy, Eren." I sigh, "And emo."
"W-Wha?!" He stutters, taking a small step back with his face flushed.
For a second, his eyes dart behind me, and he fixes his posture in response to what he's seen. I'm not surprised at his reaction, but he's definitely lost a bit of his confidence because of the person approaching us without fault and concern. In fact, their overbearing aura fills me with comfort, when beforehand, it used to be distracting.
The man makes his big entrance, "I can hear you two bickering from across the field—why is Eren's titan ass up?"
"Captain Levi!" Eren finishes his sentences with incoherent blabbers.
I interject, looking over at Humanity's Strongest, "Hange's been going on about her titan experiences for way too long and we snapped."
"Wait what?!" Hange starts but is cut off by Levi.
"I don't want to hear it, Four-Eyes—just tell me why you had Moblit interrupt my business."
I suppress a laugh, finding humour in the fact that his business was most likely cleaning around his office until he was satisfied with what he saw.
"Kaisa's orb isn't only a shield, but also an offensive weapon!" She exclaims as best she can through her winded breaths.
"The hell is wrong with you?" Levi asks, walking over to the scientist before using his boot to lightly poke at her ankle.
He turns to me, "Did something happen?"
Without using words, I use my hands and mimic an explosion between my fingertips while adding sound effects.
"Did you at least carry her here?" Levi inquires. I nod in response.
He turns to Eren, "You seem like you've shit yourself but appear to be functional which is good enough for me."
Eren nods and turns to me, "See? Captain Levi understands boundaries."
"No—he just hates touching you." I nonchalantly reply.
Eren and I bicker some more about the topic we've already resolved, while Levi helps Hange up. Eventually he ends up carrying her back to HQ to get evaluated while Eren and I stayed behind under Moblit's supervision to continue training. More experiments later, we determined that Hange's inference was correct—that the orb absorbs energy before expelling a powerful burst in the direction I'm facing, while the rest of the orb's circumference's damage decreases depending on how far it is from my front.
We figured this out because of the damage Eren received in comparison to Hange and Moblit's original position. Hange and Moblit didn't experience as much havoc as Eren did when the orb first burst, meaning there must be some sort of intention of where the force goes. We've also realised that this move is possible because of the air pressure stored inside of the orb, which would explain why the same amount of force it is dealt when protecting me is exerted when the orb drops.
Apparently, this isn't the first time we've seen this either; according to Levi, the debris around us in the Reiss' temple was formed in a circle around us, meaning there was some sort of exerted force after the shield dropped.
Even though we are making progress in understanding my ability, we're also running low on time to discover all possible moves I can actually do. Days passed, and we continued practicing, but at the end of all the training, we still never fully achieved perfection. Despite never accomplishing our goals, Hange continued to bring us medicinal healing strategies from Dr. Kageyama and other medics from town. She never specified how she got it, but they most definitely worked.
One of them was a sort of oil which supposedly helped with inflammation and redness, especially on the face. Hange's words were something around the lines of 'you two are always getting your faces scuffed up—treat yourself!'. She wasn't wrong; a lot of the time, training left both of us on the ground after multiple attack trades. My skin felt so dry, and the soap we had wasn't cutting it. But with Hange's help, whatever concoction she gave me actually helped with maintaining some sort of glowy complexion. Eren, on the other hand, hated the product because he said it made him feel like a girl.
Not that I cared, it just meant that he'd give his portion to me. But, I did have to hit him over the head for assuming that he's stronger than the shit he eats when he slides across the gravel. Slowly but surely, he's seemingly come along with my critiques and started using small portions of his own. Eventually, he stopped giving them to me altogether and instead used it against Jean to prove he was better than him.
As the days passed from our first night together, Levi and I found ourselves knocking on each others' doors, yearning for some sort of comfort from the other. Despite being busy and barely talking throughout the days because of our different training regiments, we used the evenings to discuss our random thoughts throughout the day. Although he lingered in my mind throughout the day, our gatherings at night were all the more rewarding.
Now, it is the night before retaking Wall Maria. We're in the Mess Hall, eating to our heart's content with all the meat and drinks we could consume. For Levi and I though, we stuck to water and tea, knowing we'd be unable to carry out our duties on the frontlines properly with a hangover. It always surprised me that Levi avoided drinks since he could never get drunk from the liquor, but it also makes sense considering he finds the lack of composure appalling; the lack of human decency must be off-putting for a stoic individual like himself.
As for me, the smell of alcohol reeks like the underground and brings memories I've tried my best at erasing. I never had an issue with other adults drinking it, but it's surprising how many recruits are beginning their alcoholic journey at such a young age.
"Don't you think we should, I don't know...stop the underaged kids from drinking?" I think aloud.
"For a lot of them, this is going to be their last memories with their friends." Moblit sighs.
"If they want to drink, let them drink—they know the consequences of their actions." Levi passively permits their decisions.
"Still...tomorrow is an important day with plenty of danger, shouldn't we discourage it at the very least?" I look to Hange for some support.
"A lot of these soldiers are new transfers—they have no idea what they're going to be facing which is why they're behaving poorly. Even if we did interject, they'd only complain. If you notice closely, the 104th Training Corps is only indulging in water and juice." She nods her head in the direction of their tables.
Eren, Mikasa, Jean, Armin, Marlo, Connie, Kiyoko, Tobio, and Kei sit at one table altogether while Sasha is tied against a wooden pole knocked out. The table couldn't fit them all, so there are chairs pulled up to include everyone. It almost looks cramped, but they don't seem to mind the proximity of each other. The group bursts out into laughter, and I can almost see the question mark above Armin and Kiyoko's heads as they nervously laugh too.
Curious, my posture straightens with hopes of getting a better look of the group over Moblit's shoulder and Levi gently shoves his elbow into me, "Stop staring—you look like a creep."
Hange laughs in response right before I shove him back with the same energy, "I am not a creep!"
"You're an almost 24-year-old staring at a group of 15 year-olds; how is that not creepy?"
"I'm young at heart, Levi."
"That's what convicted predators say."
Erwin chokes on his water slightly, and Moblit slaps Hange's back as she struggles with the food she's just swallowed. My brows lift with a fire ablaze in my glare towards Levi. He returns the same energy without falter, uncaring of the ass-beating he's going to get later tonight when we're alone. Despite his cold exterior, a part of me acknowledges he's enjoying embarrassing me in front of others. Part of me has contended he enjoys how riled up I get; maybe Petra was right about him enjoying the resistance I put up against him.
I drop my head, giggling softly before raising my eyes back at him with a smirk on my lips, "Are you telling me you're interested in convicted predators?"
He doesn't react the way I wanted to, casually responding "You're not a convicted predator."
"Also, I'm all about consent, you freak." He adds.
"Okay, guys, maybe this isn't the time and place to talk about that stuff." Erwin butts in.
"I just wanna know what's so funny!" I whine, ignoring Erwin and resting my head on my arms on the table.
"You don't. How much do you want to bet Eren and Jean are going to get into a quarrel?"
I roll my eyes, "That's a stupid bet—of course they're going to argue."
After my dramatic intervention, Moblit leaves the table for a moment before returning with a new jug of juice for the group. Levi kindly turns the offer down, but Hange and I beg for the sweet drink. Juice wasn't something we got very often since the labour of producing the drink was quite extensive for those who grew fruit. Thankfully, the budget was poured out for this night. I give a wink to Erwin as a thanks for the poor financial decision and take a sip of the berry drink.
"Levi," I start, "You need to try this."
He leans back slightly, "It's probably too sweet for my liking."
"Please?" I pout, tilting my glass towards him.
He stares at me before bringing his eyes down to the glass. He eventually pushes my hand away and leaves the table. Watching him disappear, I sulk into my seat, taking another sip of the sweet beverage in disappointment. Even though I'm not surprised, he could've just rejected the offer one more time instead of walking off without saying anything. Regardless, I turn to face the others while plastering a smile on my face.
"This juice is good! Thanks, Moblit."
"It's no worry—I just saw they brought out a whole bunch of jugs so I thought I'd grab one before the other tables stole them." He responds, eyes trailing behind me.
Wondering what he's looking at, I look over my shoulder to see Levi turn the corner with a new glass. He returns to the table, placing the cup down as Moblit pours him half a glass of juice. Levi glances at me from the cup with skepticism. Just as he's about to speak, another soldier calls Erwin and Hange to the side to discuss last minute preparations, to which the two of them and Moblit excuse themselves from the table. Hange places a hand on my shoulder as if to wish me luck for what's about to happen and I give her a small smile in return for the reassurance.
Right after they leave, Levi and I remain at the table alone with a better view of everyone enjoying their dinners. He swirls the drink around in the cup, scrutinizing the harmless liquid as if it were cyanide.
Levi sighs, sending me a deadpan look, "If I don't like this, I'm kicking your ass, scissor-hands."
"Trust me, it's good!" I smile.
He slowly brings the cup up to his lips, taking a small sip. Not even a second later, his eyes soften as he pulls the glass away from his lips, analyzing the taste on his tongue.
"Not bad." He affirms.
I lean forward, clinking my cup against his, "I told you it'd be okay."
With both of our cups to our lips, we take a sip, observing the table right in front of us, With Armin squished in the middle, Jean leans over towards Eren with a sly grin on his face. Subconsciously, I place a hand on my head, awaiting the headache that's about to appear in front of me. Levi rests unamused next to me, observing the chaos unfold without reaction.
"I just want to do good for this world. I noticed the Military Police was corrupt once I joined it, and now I just want to fix that." Marlo says.
"Better late than never." Eren shrugs.
"We can all be pretty useless, but the most useless of all is the suicidal maniac who only knows how to charge in." Jean teases, pushing into Armin's side while looking at Eren.
Eren goes to take a sip of his drink but stops before a slight scowl appears on his face, "Jean...what do you mean by that?"
Jean looks taken aback by his question, "Who else but you? You suicidal maniac."
With a smirk, Eren lowers his mug, "Actually, I figured out something recently: I'm quite a normal person, you know? So if you're saying that to me, that just makes you a coward, Jean."
They both seem to relax, turning away from each other while Armin looks between them unfazed, but concerned.
"Thank God, they're not going to do anything rash." I sigh in relief.
Immediately after the last word leaves my mouth, the floor screeches from the pushed out bench. All those on it struggle to keep their balance while Eren and Jean stand, arms raised. Their voices are painfully loud and annoying, and I can't help but feel defeated once I knock my head on the wooden table in disappointment that I thought they'd be able to treat each other reasonably.
"You're so full of yourself, you pig shit!" Jean fumes with furrowed eyebrows.
Eren retaliates without missing a beat, "You trying to grow out the hair on your mane, horse face?!"
Connie stands to the side with a cinnamon stick between his teeth, "Just don't hit the face."
"You jerk!" Jean yells, yanking his shirt.
"You're ripping it, asshole!" Eren screams, before throwing a punch to Jean's gut.
Jean wheezes from the attack before returning the favour, "You bastard!"
Other tables begin to circle around them, cheering the fight on as they trade equally damaging blows. Levi remains sitting and I stand from our table casually, walking over to the side to hear the conversation before intervening.
"But seriously...If you didn't have titan powers, you'd be dead ten times over. And every time, Miaksa would swoop in to save your ass. If you insist on being suicidal, I'll just have to kill you!" Jean screams before punching his stomach again.
And Eren took that personally.
"That's something I'll have to take to heart! You should start showing your mom some respect, Jean-boy!" Eren screams with two punches, alternating his arms.
"Would you forget that?!"
"Blargh!" Eren coughs.
With my hand at its home on my forehead, I look over to the table where the rest of our squads reside, catching Armin and Mikasa debating if they should intervene. The moment I see a small smile on Mikasa's face, I know she plans on leaving them out to dry. But knowing those two, they'll have too much pride to end their fighting without intervention, so I'll wait for Levi to deal with it.
By now, the two teen boys are exhausted and appear as if they're going to throw up all the food they've just consumed. Yet, even still, they throw weakened punches at each other in hopes their opponents concede. I can't help but giggle quietly about how embarrassing this is for the both of them. Covering my mouth to hide my laughter with a hand, Levi rolls his eyes before appearing between the two of them.
"Oi." He introduces, before kicking Eren right in the torso and flipping Jean over his shoulder with ease.
"You're all too damn rowdy." Levi looks down at the boys as they twitch on the floor, "Go to sleep."
The room ends in silence, amplifying the awful sound coming out from Jean's mouth as he spills all the delicious food he consumed tonight. Levi turns away in disgust, staring at the surrounding soldiers with fear in their eyes from the brutal response.
"And clean that up." He commands.
"Yes, sir!"
Soldiers in the room disperse quickly. Connie helps Jean up while Armin brings Eren up, Mikasa joining in soon after once he's standing. Instead of walking off with Levi, I stay behind to chat with my group before the expedition tomorrow. Sliding through the wooden seat, I meet with my three kids alone in the room.
"I can't believe you'd let us suffer like this." Kei sarcastically comments before giving Tobio a side glare for his unkempt eating habits.
I chuckle, "Those two are a completely different breed, aren't they?"
"They're so loud, too." Kiyoko mentions.
I nod in response, "Yeah, they've been through a lot as a collective group, just like you three."
Tobio just nods, stuffing his face with as much food as he can, downing water in between gulps. I raise my brows at the lack of care in Tobio's mind, but also notice none of them have juice in their cups.
"No juice?" I wonder aloud.
Tobio gulps his food down, "It's full of sugar—it's not good for us."
Surprised, I lean into the table, resting my head in my hand, "So none of you drank any of that stuff because it's...unhealthy?"
Kei sits without answer and Kiyoko nods.
"You three are more responsible with your health than I'll ever be and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing." I comment.
"Not everyone is built like you, Kaisa." Kei responds.
"Not everyone has a big mouth like you, Kei." I scoff.
Tobio laughs evilly while Kiyoko puts a hand up to her mouth with a glint in her eyes.
"Whatever, you ancient woman—I'm going to bed." He says, standing up. Kiyoko agrees just as Tobio finishes his last spoonful of rice.
"Yeah, it's probably best that you all get some rest." I contend, standing up with them as they pool nearby me.
"But before you go..." I begin.
I throw my arms around the three of them, bringing them into a close embrace. My head is down between us, mostly because I'm the shortest person in this group, but also because it's too difficult to stop my eyes from watering. This plan to take Wall Maria is suicide. I hope that these three are different from the rest of the soldiers, but the world does not make exceptions for anyone.
"I love you three so much, so don't go dying on me tomorrow, okay?" I managed to squeeze out.
The three of them are so awkward, but even in the midst of their slight confusion, Kiyoko and Tobio eventually wrap their arms around one another while Kei stands still. Eventually, his arms wrap around his friends and we stand in a little huddle for a moment. I cherish this experience, ingraining it into my head in hopes that even if all goes wrong tomorrow, I'll remember how this feels.
"Okay!" I cheer, "Time for you three to get some rest." I smile.
"Yeah. Thanks Captain." Tobio says, with cheeks slightly flustered.
"Yeah, thanks." Kiyoko nods.
"Damn, stop being sappy, we'll be fine." Kei rolls his eyes before landing on me, "Night, mom."
And with that, the three of them leave the Mess Hall, leaving me by myself. The moment complete silence falls upon my ears, a few tears spill from my eyes. They were just kids...kids that we're sending to their deaths underneath the pretense of it being an honourable death. They're so bright and have great future prospects, but even so, we plan on executing them. My heart aches in distress and blood pounds between my temples.
We're no better than those titans—we kill humans too, we just know how to justify it.