Kate
I don’t know what happened or if the heavens just heard my wish but I think Dylan gets it. Last Saturday, he texted me that he’ll be the one to drop my bag in our house but it turns out that he ordered someone to give the bag to me. I don’t know who the guy was but the guy who gave my bag back to me was a man wearing a black suite and speaks in a British accent.
It was awkward plus he speaks very formal.
Anyways, today is Tuesday. I haven’t heard of Dylan and by I meant heard was we didn’t spoke at each other and he never looked at me anymore whenever we passed by at each other, except for me. He goes back to his usual routine. The routine of flirting girls in the campus and he didn’t care of what other people thinks.
I saw him yesterday kissing this hot cheerleader and as if it was all natural to him. Something came up on my mind and realized that he doesn’t care who was he kissing, he never tried to endure or feel anything. He just kissed her because he wants to or he just wants to have pleasure for himself. He’s not the romantic and committed kind of guy. He just wants to have fun and please himself.
The guy that I met when we were on his apartment was completely different compared to the guy that I see on the school grounds.
Not that I’m not used to it but I think he became more badly compared before. He’s not just a playboy anymore but more like a bad boy type.
I don’t know if he was like that because of what I told him or he just wanted to change. It doesn’t matter anymore. I should focus myself in more important things than him.
I should be happy in the fact that he wasn’t here to irritate me or bugged me and plus the fact that he followed me all the way home just to ask what my name was. I shouldn’t be thinking of what happened between us before because it isn’t helping.
I’m in the library and trying to focus on what I’m reading because it’s our exams tomorrow. The hard part is, I can’t focus since the fact that I noticed that he has been ignoring me. I should be happy about it but in the end I can’t think straight and I don’t know why?
“What is happening to you Kate?” I mumbled and sighed. I lean my head against the table and stare at the books that are perfectly placed on the shelves. I can’t think straight and focus.
I heard the librarian called the attention of the students who were two tables away from me. I checked to see who it was and it was no other than Dylan and a blonde girl who was wearing glasses.
You’ve got to be kidding me?
Even at the library? Is he some kind of guy who can do anything that he wants and go to the place he pleases? This is a library! Not a dating room!
I focused my eyes on the book that I’m reading, its history. I heard them giggling and laughing and I peeked to look at them. They were smiling and giving each other their flirty looks.
“What the hell?” I said out loud without noticing it. Everyone in the library was looking at me and even Dylan. They had their eyes focused on to me. The librarian called my attention and I assure her that it won’t happen again.
That was embarrassing. I can’t take the aura anymore so I decided to stand up and take all the books that I need for studying and left.
I don’t know what to think.
I lean my head against my locker and stare at the floor, waiting for a miracle or even something that will happen to take my mind off of Dylan who appears on my mind several times.
“Kate, hey Kate!” I heard Beth’s voice.
I came to face her and she was smiling and as if she wants to tell me something that she’s happy about.
“I met this guy.” She pressed both her hands on her cheeks, covering the evidence that she was blushing.
“And?” I said excitedly even if I wasn’t. I’m just showing my best and that I’m curious of what she was going to say.
“He was so smart and thoughtful, I was on the way to the—“
I saw Dylan passed by beside us, together with the girl that he was with from the library. Seeing him made me unaware of what Beth is saying to me. I lost of track of what she’s saying and what’s on my mind was how Dylan held the girl’s waist as the girl drew circles around her chest.
“Hey Kate, Kate? Isn’t he amazing? I mean what do you think? Should I accept his offer?” She called my attention. I wasn’t so sure of what to say to her anymore.
I just came up with the answer that I think is that best reply, “Yes, definitely!”
“Are you sure? Oh my gosh, I’m so happy.” She gave me a hug, “So I’ll see you tomorrow okay? Bye!”
She was in a hurry and left me. Whatever she was saying, I hope what I said to her was something that I won’t regret.
--
Days passed by, the exams are finally over and I think that I’m going to fail my exams because I wasn’t thinking straight.
I can’t get him out of my mind. I knew have feelings for him and I only knew how few my feelings were but why is that I think about him more than I thought?
My mind is teasing me. Why am I being like this? Days already passed by and we only have few memories that we shared and it wasn’t even memorable. Why is this happening to me?
“Class dismissed.” Ms. Steele said. Our history teacher. The class ended pretty boring and I can feel myself cursing.
“Kate!” Beth entered our classroom. She was on her excited and spirited aura again. Who is the guy he’s dating again?
“Do you remember the guy that I told you once?” She scratches her nose. Her cheeks were red and the smile that she have was plastered on her pretty and adorable face.
“Uh-huh, what about him?” I put my book and pens inside my bag and waited for her to reply.
She locked her arms to mine, “He wanted to hang out.”
“So? Go ahead. No one’s stopping you dear.” I said nicely.
“The thing is, he wants my friend and his friend to be in it. More like a get to know each other.”
“What? Come again?” I stopped everything that I was doing and looked at her. Begging that all that she was saying was all a lie.
“Please? You’re the only true friend that I have in this school. I don’t want to go if it’s only me and his friends. It would be awkward and I’ll feel as if I’m left out. Plus, I don’t know anything and haven’t met his friends yet.”
I paused for a while and think. What is this guy name again? It wouldn’t hurt if I’ll join right? I look at Beth one more time and she was waiting for my reply.
I sighed, “Fine.”
“Really? Thank you so much!” She gave me her huge hug and gave me a peck on the cheek.
She told me that we’ll all be meeting at the mall. Watch a movie and eat dinner, it’s their treat and that sounds good to hear.
My mother as usual, out. I just texted her that I’ll be out and do some group study with a friend. I know, I lied.
I just wore a normal clothing and that will make me comfortable. A white plain shirt, over it is a jacket, plus my comfortable skinny jeans. Don’t forget my black converse that I loved so much.
I took a cab and up until now I wasn’t there because it was a bit traffic.
“Where are you?” It’s Beth. She called me.
She told me that they were all there except for me.
“I’m almost there.” That wasn’t a lie. I can already see the mall from where we are now.
“Okay. You know where we are okay? See you.” She hunged up.
As soon as I got out of the cab, I rushed my way to where they are now. We’ll be watching a movie, a horror film and I’m starting to like this hang out thing.
I saw Beth in a yellow and simple dress, she wore a black blazer together with it. She looks pretty and innocent.
“Beth!” I called out her attention. She waved her hand and waited for me to come closer. There were guys behind her back, three of them. I can’t see their faces because they were facing at the other side.
“She’s here.” Beth said to the guy beside her. The guy faced me and he’s somehow familiar.
“Hi Kate.” The guy lend his hand for me to shake.
“Hi?” I was waiting for him to tell his name, “Austin.” He said.
“Guys.” He called out the attention of the two who were busy talking at each other.
I don’t feel at ease and as if something isn’t right.
The other guy faced me and I think that was Ryan, the thing that I was afraid the most was if that guy was Ryan then the other guy is-
“Dylan?” I mumbled silently. I was right, it was Dylan.
Both of them greeted me and Dylan doesn’t mind. He was calm and didn’t react. He just go with the flow.
“I remember you Kate.” Ryan called my attention.
We were about to get inside of the cinema.
“I remember you too.” I said, uncomfortably.
Why is Beth acting so calm? Why is she not reacting about this? Doesn’t she remember that Ryan and Dylan were the guys who we’re seated beside with at the canteen?
She was so busy talking with Austin that she already forgot her friend who was acting so nervous and felt like she was already fainting. I guess I was wrong, I don’t like this hang out thing.
Austin picked the place to seat.
So the seating arrangement was arranged to this; Austin seated beside Beth. Ryan seated beside Austin, Dylan sitted beside Ryan and I was the last one so I was forced to be sitted beside Dylan.
I just kept my silence and just sit still. I wasn’t launching any topic or anything to say before the movie even started. I just kept my mouth shut and tried to think that Dylan wasn’t beside me.
The movie begun, I just kept my eyes focused on the huge screen.
Dylan didn’t spoke at least one word and handed me the popcorn that he bought. Acting normal and as if nothing happened, I took a handful of popcorn and ate it slowly and with manners. I was hungry and I showed him that I wasn’t affected of the ignoring and pretending we don’t know each other.
As the movie goes, I didn’t enjoyed it even it was already the climax. I hated the fact that it wasn’t scary and the sequence of the events was already familiar to me. I love horror movies that’s why I know what is the best and the not so scary at all.
I slowly moved my eyes and looked at Dylan who was sitted beside me. His eyes was focused on the big screen. His left hand was placed on his lap and the right was just closed to my left hand. It was just centimeters apart and I can feel my heart beats fast than its usual. I remember the moments that we shared, the good ones.
Everything was starting to get inside my head. How I started to like him, even if it’s little. I don’t know if those feelings are still present or if the feelings are already more than I didn’t expect. I just can’t stop thinking about him and in the same time I hate how he goes out with those girls.
What is my right to hate him from the first place? Why am I even concerned of him going out with those girls? I shouldn’t be thinking of such things. I should just forget.
My eyes were still focused to him. I can’t move and I don’t know what to do or feel. Slowly, his face was turning to my direction.
His eyes were fixed to mine, he was looking at me. I felt my heart moved by the fact that he looked at me. The feeling that she noticed me and looked at me straight in the eyes, it was as if we’re in his apartment again.
“You, okay?” He said, silently.
“Uh- yeah, I’m fine.” I divert my eyes, “The thing is,” I came to look at him again but his eyes were already focused on the big screen.
There is this ache in my heart that I can’t understand.
“What?” He said, not looking at me.
“Nothing.” I put both of my hands on my lap and exhaled.
I can’t understand myself anymore. Why am I even talking to him and trying myself to talk to him so that he’ll notice me?
I thought I’ll be more happy and comfortable with him being away from me and not knowing me?
Why is my life so difficult? Why am I so hard to understand?
I have this feeling of wanting to take some fresh air because I can’t breathe.
I stand up and walked out of the cinema. I heard Beth calling me and the guys asking me what was wrong. I didn’t answered and just left without telling what I’ll do.
My heart is betraying me. My mind is telling me to not think of him but my heart says no. I should stop about this non sense already! I should know what I’ll do because I already got my heart crumpled into tiny little pieces.
“Kate.” He said. His voice was clinging to my ears.
I was outside of the cinema, standing all alone as the crowds passes by. My legs are betraying me and I feel that I’m going to fall and break.
I didn’t faced him and just stood there.
“Kate?” He called my attention again.
Can’t he just go away? Why does he have to follow me?
“What?!” I exclaimed and faced him.
It turns out, it was Beth.
“I’m sorry Kate, I wanted to check if you’re okay.” She said, calmly. Trying to understand me.
She walks towards me, “I’m sorry. I didn’t expect that they were Austin friends and I forgot that Austin was with them a while back.” She was sincere and insisted saying that she’s sorry.
I lean my head against her shoulder, “I’m sorry. I’m just thinking about many things, sorry for making you worry.” I faced her and gave her my warm smile, “Let’s go back. They’ll probably worry.”
“Okay.” She answered smiling, “Are you sure you’re okay with it?” She added.
I nodded and followed her inside.
I’ll try my best not to notice him and I’m going to delete this feelings that I have for him.
Kate, you can do this!
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