──･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ──
―
Vocal Adrenaline was in our auditorium and Jesse, that bastard was with them. Rachel ran off to get the missing member of the club and bring them here to see what was going on. As soon as Rachel rendered with Tina, Artie, Kurt and Mercedes, Jesse excused himself from the members of Vocal Adrenaline and looked at Rachel. "Jesse? What are you doing up there with them?" Rachel asked him.
"I've transferred back to Carmel High, Rachel," Jesse started to explain, and you know what I was not surprised. "I'm sorry that it's come to this, but you guys were awful to me. You never accepted me. You never listened to my clearly superior ideas,"
"Why are you here in our auditorium?" Finn asked.
"The blogs and chat rooms say that we're finished and that you guys are ripe to topple us. We just wanted to show you a little something we came up with a few days ago to see if you agree with that assessment," Jesse said.
Music started to play and Vocal Adrenaline started to perform 'Another One Bites the Dust' by Queen. "Ooh, let's go Steve walks warily down the street With his brim pulled way down low ♪ ♪ Ain't no sound but the sound of his feet Machine guns ready to go Are you ready, hey Are you ready for this Are you hangin' on the edge of your seat Out of the doorway the bullets rip To the sound of the beat, Yeah," Jesse sang, as Vocal Adrenaline dressed.
"Another one bites the dust Another one bites the dust," They all sang.
"How do you think I'm gonna get along Without you when you're gone You took me for everything that I had And kicked me out on my own Are you happy Are you satisfied How long can you stand the heat Out of the doorway the bullets rip To the sound of the beat Lookout,"
"Another one bites the dust," They finished their song and dance.
"Thanks for letting us borrow your auditorium, guys. It's quaint," One of the girls' said, making the group laugh as they left, Jesse leaving with them.
♫
"It's a Carmel High tradition they psych out the competition a few weeks before the big show. They call it a "funkification" meaning they show us what they've got and we spiral into a deep, black funk," Artie explained to us and we headed from the auditorium to the choir room.
"Yeah, we used to do the same thing to other football teams. Try to get inside their head, pull little pranks to intimidate them," Finn said.
"The difference was, our football team sucked. Those guys are golden," Puck added.
"Keep your heads up, guys. It's gonna take more than that to get us into a funk," Kurt tried to assure us but fell silent as we entered the choir room to see it covered in toilet paper.
♫
"I feel so violated. It's like someone broke into our home," Tina said, as we cleaned the toilet paper out of the choir room.
"Look, it was just a lame little prank. The fact that they're trying to get to us means maybe we got 'em spooked," Mr. Schue tried to reassure us.
"Uh-uh, Mr. Schue. They aren't afraid of anything," Mercedes said "That number they did was fantastic. Which doesn't make any sense. They had all that equipment. How did they even get in?"
"I gave 'em all keys. Helped 'em do a soundcheck over the weekend," Sue said, entering the room, a group of students following her. "Hey, this way, fellas. Let's punch out this wall here, open up the space a little bit."
"Sue, what are you doing?" Mr. Schue asked her.
"I can't talk now, William. Drafting class is helping me redecorate around here. You see, I have nationals over the weekend and expect to return with a comically large first-place trophy for which I have absolutely no room in my trophy case. As soon as you hurry up and lose at regionals this choir room will become my official trophy annex," Sue explained to Mr. Schue, before turning back to the students. "You know what it has to look like Elvis's gold record room at Graceland. Except I'll be wanting far fewer morbidly obese white women waddling around and crying,"
"Sue, get out of my room," Mr. Schue said, growing angry.
"Glee Clubbers, for those of you whose hearing has not been damaged by massive doses of Accutane, listen up. In a few weeks, Glee Club will be finished. Now, how do I know that? I recently checked the odds with my Vegas bookie who told me that you are going to lose and your dreams will be crushed," Sue said to us.
"Sue, can I see your trophy?" Mr. Schue asked.
"Sure, Will. Hope and dream," Sue said, handing Mr. Schue the trophy, only for Mr. Schue to smash it against the wall.
"You dropped your trophy, Sue," He said.
"You know, for me, trophies are like herpes. You can try to get rid of'em, but they just keep comin'," Sue said, getting up in Mr. Schue's face. "You know why? Sue Sylvester has hourly flare-ups of burning, itchy, highly contagious talent. Enjoy your last few days here. This room is mine,"
♫
"All right, guys, today I want to talk to you about regrets. Who has some?" Mr. Schue asked as he entered the choir room for glee practice the next day.
"Giving my heart to Jesse, just to have it crushed like the stage floor at Stomp," Rachel said from the piano bench she was mopping on.
"Thinking 'Trust me' was a sensible birth control option," Quinn added.
"We all have them. I just finalized my divorce. I regret living in a relationship that wasn't working, letting her put me in these deep funks and not fighting back," Mr. Schue said.
"Besides creeping us out, why are you telling us this?" Santana asked, looking up from where she was laying across several chairs.
"Because if we lose to Vocal Adrenaline at regionals, none of us are gonna regret it. We will have given it our best shot and we won't look back. But we will regret letting them get the best of us before the competition which is why we need to hit them back just like they hit us,"
"So you want us to T.P Their choir room?" Quinn asked, confused.
"Whatever the better, cooler version of that is, like, uh maybe," Mr. Schue said, trying to come up with an idea. "Maybe we should steal their school statue,"
"Their school statue is a giant bronze of a great white shark eating a seal pup," Kurt informed him " It weighs three tons,"
"Okay, well, how about this one?" Mr. Schue said, starting to list more lame prank Ideas.
♫
"Funk," Mr. Schue said, writing the word on the whiteboard, during the next glee rehearsal. "Use it in a sentence," No one moved to answer Mr. Schue.
"Come on! Rachel," Mr. Schue picked.
"This cheese smells funky," Rachel answered.
"That's because it's 'fromunda' cheese," Puck joked.
"Shut it, Puckerman!" Rachel snapped at him.
"Okay, okay, I was thinking more along the lines of 'Vocal Adrenaline has sure put us all in a funk. '." Mr. Schue said. It was true, everyone had been in a funk, including me.
"I'm so depressed, I've worn the same outfit twice this week," Kurt said.
"What if I told you I knew how we could shove it right back down their throats? New Directions is about to make their funk the P-Funk. We are gonna get funked up. The only way to do that is to beat them at regionals. Vocal Adrenaline has never once done a funk number. They're a machine, a collective, synthesized, soulless beat. Funk is soul meets anger. Its passion is in its emotion. And Vocal Adrenaline doesn't perform with any." Mr. Schue explained. "So you have your assignment. I want you guys to turn McKinley High into Funkytown,"
"You guys can relax. I got this one covered," Mercedes assured us.
"Cool,"
"Hold on a second. I-I want a chance to get funky too," Quinn said, making everyone in the room laugh.
"Good one, Quinn. It even sounds funny when you say it," Mercedes said, still laughing.
"You said funk was about soul and anger. I have plenty of both. Look at me. Look at my life. I'm furious!" Quinn said.
"Let's be honest. When white people try to be funky, you end up with K. C. And the Sunshine Band," Mercedes joked.
"I love 'Boogie Shoes'," Artie added.
"Mercedes's racism aside I will have something prepared tomorrow," Quinn said, to Mr. Schue.
"All right. Quinn goes first," Mr. Schue said, as the bell rang ending glee rehearsal.
♫
I sat in the choir room the next day both excited and worried to see Quinn's funk number. The bell rang and Mr. Schue started practice. "Okay, Quinn, it's your day to show us your funky side. So, take it away," Mr. Schue said, taking a seat.
"For some of us just simply getting to class takes a little bit longer. When you're pregnant you're responsible for two lives and you're walking down the hallway oppressed by the man," Quinn said, making her way to the front of the room.
"Oh, my goodness, she is not about to go there," Mercedes muttered.
"Hearing people call you fat," Quinn continued, ignoring Mercedes's comment as a group of pregnant teens walked into the room to stand with Quinn. "Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes you have to stop and hold that precious life and say 'No'."
"This is offensive, Who are these girls?" Artie asked.
"We're the Unwed Mothership Connection and that's what we're here to sing about. And that's what we're here to sing about.
"This is a man's world," Quinn started to sing, well the other girls danced around her. "This is a man's world But it wouldn't. be nothin' Nothin' Without a woman or a girl You see Man made the cars To take us over the road Man made the train To carry the heavy load Man made the boat for the water Like Noah made the ark This is a man's Man's, man's world But it wouldn't be nothin' Nothin' without a woman Or a girl Without a woman Or a girl, Man thinks about a little baby girls And baby boys And after man make everything Everything he can Do you know the man make money He make money To buy From other men To buy from other men This is a man's world But it wouldn't have been nothin' Nothin' Not one little thing Nothin' Without a woman or a girl He's lost In bitterness Ooh-ooh He's lost Lost somewhere out there In loneliness," We applauded Quinn pulling her into a group hug.
♫
I didn't think I'd ever see anyone in a bigger funk than the new directions, but then Coach Sylvester started coming to practice, and the rest of the cheerios fell apart. Cheerios nationals were coming up and without practice, the girls were a mess. I was doing my best to try and keep the girls together. Currently, I was trying to help Santana who was sobbing against the lockers, calling for her daddy. Personally, I was freaking out too, but someone needed to keep it together and it seemed I was the only one left, besides Kurt who was fine either way.
"Santana, are you all right?" Mr. SChue said, walking over to Santana and me. Santana just sobbed some more, moving to stand at another locker. I left Santana at the locker walking with Mr. Schue, Kurt joining us as well. "Carrie? Kurt, what is going on around here?"
"Coach Sylvester won't get out of bed. We haven't had practice in days. I'm fine because I have Glee, but these girls have sort of lost it," Kurt explained.
"No nationals means that four of the girls will lose their college scholarships and the rest are just depressed and confused," I added, as we pasted another pair of cheerios.
"Please help me. Please?" Brittany was asking Jacob Ben Israel as we got to the end of the hall. Jacob was trying to get away from Brittany but she was holding tightly onto his arm.
"It's really hard to feel bad for Sue Sylvester. She doesn't need another trophy, but some of these girls, they really do," Kurt added. I nodded, before leaving to go save Jacob for Brittany.
♫
I ended up having to help Santana and Brittany get to today's glee meeting. Coach Sylvester would be horrified to see the state her Cheerios were in when she came back, so I was trying to fix my friends and make them seem like they didn't break down well she was away but it might be a bit of a challenge as both girls' hair was and mess and Brittany was even wearing her uniform backwards which I would help her fix after the meeting. But first, Puck and Finn had a Funk number for us. "Mr. Schue, Puck and I would like to show the class the true meaning of funk with a little help from our special guest, Mercedes," Finn said, and we cheered.
"Fasten your seat belts. It's gonna be a funky ride," Puck said, as I sat behind Santana and tried to fix her hair back into a high pony. The band started to play 'Good Vibrations' by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, which is not a Funk song as Puck started to sing.
"Yo, it's about that time To bring forth the rhythm, and the rhyme- Imma get mine, so get yours I wanna see sweat comin' out your pores," Puck sang.
"On the house tip is how I'm swinging this Strictly hip hop, boy I ain't singing this Bringing this to the entire nation Black, white, red, brown Feel the vibration Come on,"
"come on,"
"Feel it,"
"feel it,"
"Feel the vibration," They both sang
"It's such a good vibration," Mercedes sang.
"Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,"
"It's such a sweet sensation,"
"Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,"
"The vibration's good like Sunkist Many wanna know who done this Pucky Puck, and I'm here to move you Rhymes will groove you And I'm here to prove to you That we can party on the positive side And pump positive vibes So come along for the ride Making you feel the rhythm is my occupation So feel the vibration," Puck sang.
"Come on; come on Feel it; feel it Feel the vibration," The two boys sang
"It's such a good vibration," Mercedes sang
"Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,"
"It's such a sweet sensation,"
"Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,"
"Finnie D, break it down," Puck sang.
"Finnie D's on the back up Drug free, so put the crack up No need for speed I'm anti-d-r-u-g-g-i-e My body is healthy And rhymes makes me wealthy And the funky bunch helps me to bring you a show with no intoxication Come on; feel the vibration Yeah Can you feel it, baby? I can too" Finn sang, I could help but laugh as the guys sang.
"It's such a good vibration," Mercedes sang
"Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam," The boys sang.
"It's such a sweet sensation,"
"Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam,"
"It's such a good vibration," Mercedes sang, finishing the song. At the same time I finished fixing Santana's high pony, she almost looked like she wasn't crying in the hallway earlier. We clapped for the three of them as Mr. Schue walked over to them
"All right. Good job, guys, but that's not funk," Mr. Schue said. "I mean, the group is called Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch but that is a rap song,"
"A kick-butt, old-school rap song," Puck added.
"Does it really matter, Mr. Schue?" Artie asked. "We're so clinically depressed we're doing the wrong songs? We're in a deeper funk than ever,"
♫
Vocal Adrenaline egged Rachel. Yeah, they egged a person, who does that, a house sure but a person. We were all sitting in the choir room listening as Rachel told us what happened. But on the positive side, Coach Sylvester came back and Brittany, Santana and the rest of the cheerios are no longer a huge mess I have to babysit. "And now I just keep having nightmares of all of the mothers of the little baby chicks coming after me for revenge," Rachel was saying.
"Oh, this is bull," Puck said, getting angry "Finn, Mike, Matt, come with me," Puck got up, the rest of the boys following him.
"Right on. It's time for less talking and more punching," Finn said, but they were stopped as Mr. Schue entered the classroom.
"Hey, what's going on?" Mr. Schue asked.
"We're on our way to go all Braveheart on Vocal Adrenaline," Finn explained.
"Guys, violence is never the answer," Mr. Schue protected.
"It is when the question is what's the best way to mess up that Jesse kid's face!" Puck said.
"Mr. Schue, Rachel's one of us. We're the only ones who get to humiliate her," Kurt said, and the boys continued to head out of the choir room.
"stop! Get back here and sit down!" Mr. Schue yelled, making the boys stop, and turn around. Kurt even went back to his seats. "Look, I know from experience that making someone else suffer doesn't make your pain go away."
He said to the boys then he turned to the rest of us. "You're all amazing, no matter what Vocal Adrenaline says or does. We just need to find a way to remind ourselves of that."
"We can't just let Vocal Adrenaline get away with turning Rachel into an omelet," Finn said.
"We're not. Rachel, dialJesse's number on your phone," Mr. Schue said, walking over to Rachel, who pulled out her phone and dialled Jesse's number.
"You haven't deleted his number yet?" Santana asked as Rachel handed Mr. Schue the phone.
"Jesse St. James, Will Schuester here. You and Vocal Adrenaline need to meet at our auditorium Friday, 3:00 sharp," Mr. Schue said, into the phone.
♫
Vocal Adrenaline did as Mr. Schue told them, coming to our auditorium at three. Rachel went onto the stage to welcome our guests and introduce our final funk number. "Thanks for coming. After your brazen escalation of our growing dispute, which we were willing to put to rest we decided the only way to truly 'funkify' you is to show you the one thing we know you can't do So enjoy," Rachel said, putting on her hat and walking off stage as the band started to play.
Kurt entered the stage singing the start to 'Give up the Funk' by Parliament. "Roof off We're gonna tear the roof off, the mother sucker Tear the roof off the sucker Tear the roof We're gonna tear the roof off, the mother sucker Tear the roof off the sucker," Kurt sang in a low voice, I didn't know he could make.
"You've got a real type of thing going down, getting down, There's a whole lot of rhythm going round You've got a real type of thing going down, getting down, There's a whole lot of rhythm going round," We all sang, entering the stage from behind a screen. "We want the funk, give up the funk We need the funk, we gotta have that funk We want the funk, give up the funk We need the funk, we gotta have that funk, Na-na-na-na-na Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, ow Na-na-na-na-na Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, ow,"
"We're gonna turn this mother out," Artie sang, as the rest of us sang; "We want the funk, give up the funk"
"We're gonna turn this mother out," Artie sang as we sang; "We need the funk, we gotta have that funk,"
"Gotta turn this mother out," Mercedes sang.
"We're gonna turn this mother out," Artie sang as the rest of us sang: "We want the funk, give up the funk."
"We're gonna turn this mother out," Artie sang, as the rest of us sang; "We need the funk, we gotta have that funk,"
"We're gonna turn this mother out hey," Mercedes sang.
"Na-na-na-na-na Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, ow," We all sang.
"Doo doo doo doo na yeah,"
"Na-na-na-na-na,"
"Da-na-ta-ta-na ..Sing it now,"
"Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, ow You've got a real type of thing going down," We all sang "You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down There's a whole lot of rhythm going down,"
"Whole a lot of rhythm going down. down get it,"
"You've got a real type of thing going down, gettin' down,"
"There's a whole lot of rhythm going round,"
"A real type of thing, Yeeaahh!"
"We want the funk, give up the funk We need the funk, we gotta have that funk," We all sang.
"Funky," Mercedes sang
"We want the funk,"
"Yeahhh!"
"Give up the funk We need the funk, we gotta have that funk We want the funk," We all sang, starting a dance circle each one of us getting a turn in the middle.
"We're gonna tear the roof off the mother sucker," Kurt sang.
"Funky funky," Mercedes sang.
"Tear the roof off the sucker,"
"Give up the funk," We all sang.
"Tear the roof off"
"We need the funk,"
"We're gonna tear the roof off the mother sucker,"
"Get down man!" Mercedes sang.
"We gotta have that funk," We all sang
"Tear the roof off the sucker," Kurt sang.
"Heey," Mercedes sang.
"We want the funk, give up the funk We need the funk, we gotta have that funk," We all sang.
"Heeeeeyyy," Mercedes sang, ending the song.
"See you punks at regionals," Puck said, to Vocal Adrenaline as we exited the stage.
"They did a funk number. We've never been able to pull off a funk number," I heard Jesse say, from backstage.
"Well, that's because we're soulless automatons," The vocal adrenaline girl from before said.
"I'm so depressed," Jesse said, and I couldn't help but smile, our plan worked.