Shawnie's POV
After I walked out of the session and back to my residence, I called Chris. At first they didn't want to put me through to him but Dr. Fox stepped in and I was able to talk to him after holding for like 20 minutes.
"What's up baby?" He answers
"I'm sorry to kind of freaked out, but I felt uncomfortable. I didn't like the fact that she called Aubrey there and you weren't there and then she turned on the TV and you're on it and in a session with us and I just didn't like him there with you. I felt like you were uncomfortable. It was just a lot to deal with at that moment. I was trying super hard not to stress."
"Nah. It's good. I didn't wanna do that shit anyway. They kinda forced me and I just dealt with it. I feel like it was low key a bribe because they told me you would be in on the session too and I wanted to see you. I feel like they used that against me. I am seeing that motherfucker sitting on the same couch as you, just fucked me all up." He says
"I know baby but you know I wasn't really worried about him."
"I know."
"Why did you ask those questions? Why would you ask if I'll pick him out of everyone? What's on your mind?"
"Exactly what u I said. I'll admit, it makes me insecure know y'all I had a relationship. I know you and I weren't together at the time, but I feel like it fucked everything up. I know I did what I did with them bitches and that made you act out, but I just can't get over the hurt from that. I am holding onto so much resentment when it comes to you, and our relationship.. and I know you are too. We fucked each other up."
"That's true." I say
"I think you want more than what I can give you. I don't know what that is, but I feel like you don't want us Joe you once did."
"I understand your feelings babe, and I appreciate your honesty..." I take a deep breath and let it out. "...... But I'm not going anywhere. We have had our ups and downs, and probably more downs than ups, but I'm still here trying to fight with you. I don't want us to be together I love you want us to raise our kids together. I told you I'd marry you, and I mean it." I say sincerely.
"So you not gonna get with anyone else?"
"No!" I say, "Why do you keep thinking that?"
"You know Dr. Jordan likes you right?" He asks
"He's flirted, but I never flirted back. I didn't think it was a thing like that."
"I think he's trying to check me into an insane asylum or some shit."
"I believe that. He told me about you signing everything over to me and I'm in control of everything. Why wouldn't you give that to your mom?"
"I feel like I made the right decision. I know you don't want anything to happen to me, just like my mother. You love me, and you wanna see me get better."
"Yes, that's true, but babe...that's something a wife does. I'm not your wife..."
"Yet." He corrects me. "But I have faith in this."
"Okay."
"What if I told you I'd give you the chance to go be with him, just to make sure you wanted to be with me. What would you do?"
"I don't know what I would do but I would think you're crazy." I say
"I wanna do this." He says
"What? You've lost your mind."
"I'm serious."
"Why doors it seem like you keep trying to push me to him."
"That's the only way I know how to be for certain. Please, just do it. Be honest with me too. I want to know all details."
"Babe I'm not doing this. You're trying to set me up."
"But is it a set up? If you stand firm and what you believe and then nothing can break that. If you feel like you're going to be tempted to do something then you're right, maybe it is a set up."
"I'm not going to be tempted, I just think it might send along a message to him."
"Maybe... but you're prepared for that." He says
"He's probably on his way home." I say trying to get out of this.
"I'll have them gas up to PJ, you just take it."
"Why are you pushing for this?"
"Because you need to know I'm in this forever and that it doesn't get any better than me."
I pause for a minute. Did he really just say that?
"You gotta realize, I'm trying to work through my issues with you too. Regardless of what I've done to you, you've done things to me too."
"Yes, I tend to forget that sometimes." I say
"....and ain't nobody gonna love you like me. Ain't nobody gonna do for you like me. I just want you to see on your own that this is where you need to be. The love is genuine with me and I know you know that, but you need to understand and really see that." He explains
"Okay, baby. I'll do this if it makes you feel better but I don't want to."
"I know you don't, but you're going to do it because you need to prove to me that you're only mine."
"On a lighter note, I got both of us the new phones and new phone numbers."
"Cool. I do t have to worry about all that when I get back. Cant nobody call me and ask me nothing." I don't wanna hear it."
"I understand." I say
"Well I'm going to go, I have a group in about 15 minutes. I'll try to call you back later. I love you."
"I love you too baby." We end the call.
****************
A few days later
Ms. Joyce had called me and told me that she was going to be here in approximately four days. I was happy because I was finally gonna have someone here with me and I don't have to be lonely all the time. I was really happy, but I had some things I needed to do first.
I still felt like I had to finish business with Aubrey and I wanted to talk to him. Chris knows it too. I think that's why he gave me this opportunity, for closure. I've been running the majority of the time, but now I actually felt like I had something to say to him. Maybe it's something that I've already said before, but this time I mean every word. I needed to face this, like really face this situation. Look him in the eyes and end this for good.
Chris told me to go be with him. Nothing sexually, or relationship wise, just to get some closure on the matter. I ran the idea by Chris and he wasn't too happy about me actually going to Toronto, but i had to remind him that he was the one who suggested it, so he told me to go ahead and go see him. He didn't like it, but he understood. He wants me to be happy and he wants me to have closure on the relationship. So with Chris' permission, I made my way to Toronto.
I texted Aubrey and he told me he was at home, got in the studio. I hired a car service to pick me up from the airport and take me to his house. Security let me through the gate, then we made a few left and rights, and we arrived at his gate. His security let us in and we pulled up to the door. I got out and walked up to the door.
This house wasn't finished the last time I was here, so this was my first time seeing it. I was shocked at how big it was. It was gorgeous, but just like his house in Hidden Hills, it was just a house. It didn't seem like a home. Maybe this house has a different vibe.
I went to ring the doorbell, but the door opened.
"Hello, my name is Mia. Mr. Graham is expecting you." A woman says, I'm sure she's one of his many staff members. He's good for having a full staff on hand, 24 hours a day.
"Hi, I'm Shawnie." I shake her hand.
"Follow me, I'll take you to him."
I follow the woman through his house. We walked through the foyer, passed the living room, and down some stairs. We went through a bar area that looked like a whole nightclub, then through an indoor pool area, and then she took me downstairs into another room with blue led lights all around. It looked like a lounge area. It had sofas and chairs and there was a smaller bar in a corner. She opened another door, but only peeped her head in.
"Mr. Graham....."
"Come in." I hear him say.
She opens the door all the way, but she signals for me to go in. I walk in and I see him sitting in a chair, next to a guy at the mixing board.
He looks up from whatever he was doing, "Mami!!" He says forming a huge smile on his face.
"Hey." I says, then gets up and hugs me and I give a weak hug. "You look pretty!" He says
"Thanks." I say as I notice him looking down at my stomach.
"You look beautiful pregnant." he says with a smile. "Again."
"Thank you." I ignore the again comment.
"You wearing a ring on your finger now?"
"It's just a simple ring, not an engagement ring." I say
He took a few more seconds looking at my stomach, then he shook it off and looked up at me, making eye contact. "I'm sorry...It's just—nothing....Have a seat." He says pointing to the sofa. "I'm almost done. I'm just doing some stacks."
"Okay."
"This is my producer, Noah."
"Hello." I shake his hand.
"That's crazy y'all have never met before." Aubrey says
"I know. I feel like I already know you. He talks so much about you."
I don't say anything. I just smile and take a seat on the emerald green suede sofa.
Aubrey looks at me and smiles, "This is your first time being in the studio with me."
"Yup." I say. I'm just going to avoid the fact that I go in the studio with Chris all the time. This is nothing new to me. I watch as he goes into the booth.
I sat there for another 30 to 45 minutes before bed came back out. He was finished. They played the song back a couple of times. I liked it. This one was probably about me too, but we're not even going to get into that. He said the name of the tracks was called, Not You Too.
After 40 left, he leaned against the table and looked at me.
"So what's up? What did you want to talk about?" He asks
"Um.... everything."
"Oh shit!" He laughs nervously, "Okay. Whatever you need mami."
"That therapy session was crazy, but you also said some things that I wanted to talk more about."
"Like what?"
"Well, first, the baby."
"What about it?" He asks, placing his chin in his hand.
"Well....You were right about me knowing the baby was yours...."
"I know I was right."
"Listen Aubrey...I love you. I honestly love everything about you, even your pettiness sometimes...."
He laughs
"..... but I love Chris more. He's my everything. AndI know you know that. We haven't had the best relationship, but I want to work on it. I have that right. I know he can be petty sometimes too but Chris means well, and he will do anything for me. We've come a long way, and I owe it to myself and to him to make this work. I love him with all of my heart—."
"No you don't." He says, "I'm in your heart, so you don't love him with all my heart."
I sigh, "Aubrey—."
"You're scared of him. Are you doing this because of that?"
"No... and you're right, I was scared of him. I am scared of him." I correct myself. "...but I know things are going to get better. We're both working on our relationship. We are doing this because I am pregnant. We want better for ourselves, we both want better for our unborn child. I'm sorry that things played out the way they did with us, but I need to end this for good, and I need you to fall all the way back."
He laughs, "This really sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into it. Every time you talk about him that's what it sounds like."
"Well I'm sorry it sounds that way." I say
He comes and sits next to me on the sofa. "I can do so much for you. I can do so much better than him. You know I can. What do I have to do to show you?"
"Nothing, Aubrey." I stand up. It's time to end this conversation."
He stands up with me and puts his hands on my hips. "I love you. I don't care that you're pregnant, we can still make us work." He kisses me on the lips, "Let's not judge it, let's not resist it. I'm yours." He says
I sigh, "Aubrey—you make this so hard."
He smiles, then kisses me again, "You honestly know I love you, and I love differently and I love you differently than him."
I push him off of me, "This was a mistake."
"Oh, so now shit gets hard, you wanna run?"
"No, What the fuck are you talking about? I'm not running because shit gets hard. If anything, I'm staying because things are hard, but not with you, with Chris."
"FUCK HIM!" He yells, and I just look at him like he's crazy.
"I don't mean to yell at you, I'm frustrated. I'm trying to get you to understand."
"I don't need to understand anything. You make this extremely hard for me and you're giving me anxiety. I'm not doing this with you. I'm tired." I say starting to really get upset.
"You came here because you thought if you came on your terms, things would go differently. Nah, I'm the same man that I was before. This ain't gonna go no other way."
I don't say anything. He's right again.
"I don't know what you're thinking, but I know one thing, you love me, and you're not going
anywhere. Now sit the fuck down and talk to me." He says
"As usual Aubrey, you are correct. You're right about everything, but It doesn't matter how much you tell me you love me, it doesn't matter how much I love you either. I am still going to be with Chris. Nothing is going to change. There's nothing that you can say to me to make me change my mind and that is the reason I came here. I wanted to look you in the face, so you can see how serious I am. Anything that we have between us, is over. I mean it."
"You're serious." He says with a confused look on his face.
"Yeah, I'm dead ass serious, Aubrey."
"But I'm in love with you."
"I'm not in love with you, Aubrey. I love you but not enough to leave Chris." I say
"Whatever."
"I'm tired of all the back-and-forth. I'm tired of continuously telling you I don't want anything to do with you. I want you to really get it through your head that I am done. I'm not gonna let you keep stressing me out with all of your crazy antics. I'm serious."
"Damn." He hangs his head, "Fine, Whatever."
"This is what needs to to be done, so Chris and I can move on—."
"Yeah, yeah. I get it. It just hurts. I see it. You're sick of me." I swear he's trying to make me feel bad.
"Glad we got that out of the way. So I'm gonna go..." I refuse
"Wait... Shawnie I said I'm hurt. Don't you care?"
"Yeah, I care but I'm not gonna let you manipulate me into staying with you, or talking to you longer. I know what you're a doing. I always give in to you. I came to do what I did and now it's time for me to go." I say sternly
"Alright, I respect it. I would very much like it if we could remain friends some kind of way. That doesn't necessarily mean we have to talk all the time but I just don't want it to be awkward when or if we see each other."
"Yeah, cool." I say showing no emotion.
"But why are you being so cold with me?" He asks
"Because I'm fucking serious. We can be cordial but that is it. Don't contact me unless you're dying." And with that said I left him and headed home.
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