WARNING: STRONG LANGUAGE, SUGGESTIVE CONTENT, MENTIONS OF SUICIDE
~
Kai stares back at me, a glint of anger and fear in his ferocious green eyes.
"What did you just do," he asks lowly.
"How did you know Skylar didn't have a tattoo?"
"What the hell did you do, Tasha!"
"They're fine!" I shout. "I just made them leave. How did you know about Skylar?"
"You controlled them with your power," Kai says accusingly, ignoring my question. "Is that how you won your matches?"
"We're not here to talk about that!" I snap.
"Well that's what I want to talk about!"
"Just answer the damn question!"
"I've seen her naked," Kai snarls. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"
"And why did you see her naked," I ask, voice quavering. I already know why, but I don't want it to be true.
"You know why! Do you want me to spell it out for you? I had sex with her!"
My lungs forget to take in air when I open my mouth. My head spins and I stumble backwards.
"You fucked her?" I whisper.
"Yes, Tasha. I fucked her," Kai says angrily.
"What the hell!" I shout, grabbing the nearest item and throwing it at his head. He ducks out of the way and the vase shatters against the wall.
"What do you mean, what the hell!"
"Why the hell would you fuck her!" I yell. "It was supposed to be us! You were supposed to wait for us!"
"There is no us!" Kai yells back. "You said so yourself months ago!"
My face is as red as his room; my blood is boiling. "That doesn't give you the right to fuck someone else!"
"Oh, no you don't," Kai growls, waving a finger at me. "You don't get to say that."
"Why not?"
"Don't play stupid, Tasha."
"Enlighten me," I snarl, placing my hands on my hips.
"You kissed Cole!"
My mouth falls open in disbelief. "You can't blame me for that!"
He crosses his arms condescendingly. "And why cant I blame you for that?"
"Because that was a mistake, which was caused by you and your selfishness!"
"My selfishness?" Kai repeats exasperatedly. "Yeah, because I'm the selfish one. And I doubt you regret kissing Cole."
My nostrils flare and I clench my fists. My heart is pounding in my ears. I cant believe he has the audacity to say such a thing.
"Are you calling me a slut?"
"If the shoe fits!"
A shake my head, laughing in disbelief. "I hate you."
"No," Kai says, a cruel smirk jumping to his face. "You love me."
I throw another item at his face, this time it's the picture of us. Again, he ducks out of the way, which was probably lucky because a wave of dark energy had gone with it.
"I FUCKING HATE YOU!"
"WELL THEN GET OUT!"
"Fine!" I shout decisively. "I cant believe I ever loved you."
Before he can reply, I leave the room, slamming the door behind me. Jay, Lloyd, and Dad are standing in the hall outside the door, a purple aura still floating around them. With an angry sigh, I snap my fingers and they regain the ability to do work. But before any of them can say anything to me, I storm away.
My original plan was to go to my room, but half way up the stairs I changed my mind. I continue to the top floor, but I don't go to my room. I turn left instead of right and stop infront of the only other door on the floor: the door with the symbol for the master of Shadow.
I knock and Shade opens up; he's wearing nothing but a pair of black boxers. I cant help but take a quick look, admiring how his muscles aren't as defined as mine. It shows that I am stronger than him and that gives me a small bit of confidence.
"What do you want," he says, dark eyes narrowed.
"Just some casual sex," I say coolly.
Shade raises his eyebrows. "Why? So you can get a good look at my back?"
"No," I say, licking my lips. "I just need to blow off steam. Sex is better than suicide."
Shade stares at me for a moment, looking me up and down twice before shrugging and allowing me into his room. Unlike every other suite I've been in, his is very dark: black walls, dark floors, dimmed lights. It's a pleasant change, one that, ironically, emulates my mental stability. But now is not the time to be admiring his bedroom, not when his hands delicately touch my hips.
From behind, Shade's hands wrap across my already bare stomach and he starts to slowly kiss my neck. A shiver runs up my spine and I lean back into the embrace, my mind turning to slush. His touch is refreshing, like a deep dive into an ice cold lake. Each kiss placed upon my neck is like a burn being healed. When he spins me around to kiss me on the lips, I allow lust to take over.
Shade picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist. He carries me over to his bed and sets my back down softly. I wonder if Kai would've been this gentle. Part of me thinks he would've been gentler because he loves me, but at the same time he is a very passionate person. I wont ever know, however, because he fucked someone else, and I fucking hate him for it. That's why I'm doing this. That's why I am letting Shade explore my body. It's all an act of revenge. A poorly thought out, regrettable act of revenge. An act that's probably going to ruin my life.
But my life has already been ruined, Kai made sure of that. He ruined my life when he walked away; he ruined my life when he told me he didn't love me like he used to; he ruined my life when he told me he didn't need me; he ruined my life when he fucked Skylar. So what's one more self destructive act to add to the pile of pain which he's already caused?
~
"Tasha, why would you do that?" Lloyd asked, hugging me tightly to his chest.
"I'm sorry, Lloyd I'm sorry," I whimpered between sobs. "I just cant do it anymore."
"No, Tasha, please don't say that!" Lloyd's voice is panicked and he hugs me tighter.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I just feel so useless."
"No, Tasha, you're not useless." I could feel his tears falling into my hair.
"Nobody needs me . . ."
"But I do! I need you," Lloyd began to sob as well. "Tasha, please, you cant leave me!"
"I'm sorry . . ."
"No!"
I tried to get out of his embrace. "Please. Just let me go."
"No, Tasha! I wont! I don't want to loose you again!"
"I'm sorry!"
"No, no, no, no, no!"
Lloyd became more frantic, gripping onto my forearms tightly as I tried to walk away from him. He even went so far to make a ball of energy around us, but it wouldn't've been able to keep me trapped.
"Lloyd, let go!"
"No, I wont!"
"I-"
"No, Tasha, please no! I cant do it without you!" He was hysterical now, squeezing my arms so tight that it hurt. "Please, Tasha! I love you! Don't throw your life away! You're my big sister and I love you so much!"
~
"Stop," I say as the memory disappears.
"What?"
"Get off!" I shove at Shade's shoulders, trying hard to push him away.
He gets up, a hardened look plastered across his previously warm face. "What the fuck!"
I wrap my arms over my bare chest and scoot frantically away from him. "I change my mind."
"What do you mean, you change your mind?" he retorts angrily.
"I mean I change my mind," I reply icily, scrambling for my shirt and pulling it back over my head. "I don't need a distraction anymore."
Shade glares at me. "So this was about seeing if I had a tattoo."
"What? No. I just . . . I decided I'm not ready."
"Not ready?" he repeats exasperatedly. "Not ready for what?"
"Not ready to not be a virgin!" I snap, grabbing my pants from the floor and sliding them back on.
"You're a virgin?" Shade says disbelievingly. "How old even are you?"
"Sixteen."
"Sixteen?"
"Yes."
"You son of a bitch," he says. "I'm twice your fucking age!"
"I know."
"You know?"
"Yes."
Shade opens and closes his mouth multiple times, kind of like a fish.
"Get out!" he finally shouts.
"Okay, just help me find my bra--"
He shakes his head. "Fuck your bra, get out of my room!"
I let out a huff of annoyance and leave. As soon as the door closes behind me, I start to cry.
That was really stupid. Like, really, really stupid. I don't know what has gotten into me. I just know that I feel like my life has been ruined and it's nobody's fault but my own.
For a few moments I contemplate going back to my room, but that would likely end in my death. At this point there is only one place to go, so I hurry down the stairs and knock rapidly at Lloyds door. When it opens, he pulls me into a tight hug.
"Thank god!" he says. "Tasha, I was so scared. I tried to go after you, but then Dad said to leave you alone, so after he went to bed I went looking for you and I couldn't find you and I thought . . . I thought . . ."
"I'm okay Lloyd," I say, pulling away. "But I really fucked up."
He leads me into his room and as soon as his door is closed I tell him everything: Everything that's happened between Kai and I since the night at Chen's noodle house, every stupid choice that I've ever made, everything that happened between me and Cole and the recent events between me and Shade. He was silent as he listened, tears rolling down his cheeks.
"Tasha, I love you," is the first thing he says when I finish.
"What?"
"You forgot that," he says. "You forgot that I love you."
"No I didn't--"
"You did. Otherwise Cole wouldn't've needed to save you."
With a guilty sigh, I wrap my arms around his middle and rest my head against his chest. "I'm sorry, Lloyd. You're right. But I remembered this time and I wont forget it again."
"Why didn't you come to me?" Lloyd's voice is quiet and hollow. It breaks my heart; I know I've disappointed him.
I take a deep breath and sit back up, tears rolling down my cheeks. "I was ashamed, Lloyd. Ashamed that I let Kai get to me like that."
Lloyd sighs and pulls me into another, tighter hug. After a few minutes--
"Do you really hate him?"
I immediately nod my head. But then a few moments later I shake it. He pulls away so that he can look me in the eyes and I start to cry heavily again.
"It's just not fair," I whimper. "How can you love someone and hate someone at the same time?"
"I don't know," Lloyd says.
"Why does it hurt so much?"
Again, Lloyd says, "I don't know."
"Make it stop!" I wail. "Please, just make it end! I don't want to feel like this anymore!"
Lloyd strokes my hair, pulling me tightly to his chest. "It will stop, I promise."
"When?"
Lloyd hesitates. "I don't know."
I start to cry louder, unable and unwilling to hold it in anymore. I don't care who hears, I just don't want to feel like I'm suffocating. I just want to stop the hurt I feel inside when love and hate collide.
After many long minutes, I sniffle and say, "I'm sorry for paralyzing you."
"It's okay," Lloyd replies. "But please don't ever do it again."
"Okay," I whisper.
"I love you, Tash."
"I love you too, Lloyd. Thank you for being such an amazing baby brother."
~
This chapter is the pinochle of my career. I really hope you enjoyed it because I rewrote it, like, four times, and finally I think it is perfect. But from here on out it'll only get better, I can promise you that. I love you all so much, check out the song that titles this chapter, and until next Tuesday, Wacky AWAY!
Word Count: 2106
Song:
If you made it this far, here is a cookie 🍪
You deserve it after the amount of emotional distress I put you through 😊