In Memoriam - An Unus Annus F...

By CJ_Valentine

6.7K 616 381

365 days. Unus and Annus have one year left until their death. Trapped in strange machine, relentlessly hunte... More

15.11 - 11/15: Unus Annus/Cooking with sex toys
16.11 - 11/16: Purging our Sins with a Neti Pot
17.11. - 11/17: Hot Dog'd to Death
18.11 - 11/18: Making Our Own Sensory Deprivation Tank
19.11 - 11/19: The Good Kind Of Cupping
20.11 - 11/20: The Bad Kind Of Cupping
21.11 - 11/21 - The Worst Kind of Cupping
22.11 - 11/22 - Ethan Will Be Kicked In The Balls
23.11. - 11/23 - Doing Each Other's Makeup in the Dark
24.11 - 11/24 - Baby Hands Operation
25.11 - 11/25 - Mark and Ethan Summon a Ghost
26.11 -11/26 Two Truths and One Lie - Waxing edition
27.11. - 11/27 - Poopsie Sparklie Critters - A slime surprise
28.11. - 11/28 - Play-Doh Thanksgiving
29.11 - 11/29 - Helium Therapy
30.11 - 11/30 - Drawing Memes from Memory
01.12. - 12/01 - One Man 100 Accents
03.12. - 12/03 - Mark Turns Ethan Into Mummy To Prepare Him For The Great Beyond
04.12 - 12/04 - The Chubby Gummy Challenge
05.12. - 12/05 - We buy a professional Hypnosis Video and React to it
02.12 - 12/02 - An AI predicts how we're going to die
06.12. - 12/06 - Mark and Ethan Attempt an Escape Room
07.12 - 12/07 - Ethan destroys Marks Van with a Bat
08.12 -12/08 - There's still hope
09.12 - 12/09 - Ethan gives Mark a Viking funeral
10.12 - 12/10 - The great meat mistake
11.12 - 12.11 - Acupuncture is NOT painful
12.12 - 12/12 - Floating in a real sensory deprivation tank
13.12 - 12/13 - Mark reviews the impossible burger but there's a looming sen...
14.12 - 12/14 - We made nude paintings of each other
15.12 - 12/15 - You made beautiful Music for the Barrel...But only one could win
16.12 - 12/16 - We had to drink each other's Pee
17.12 - 12/17 -Exploring Marks haunted basement
18.12 - 12/18 - Giving away our 1,000,000 Subscriber Gold Play Button
19.12 - 12/19 - Ethans relaxing and totally normal nail saloon
20.12 - 12/20 - Taped and Afraid
21.12 - 12/21 - What was the most painful thing we've ever endured?
22.12 - 12/22 Donating toys to charity with Jacksepticeye
23.12 - 12/23 - Harnessing our Dog's unlimited energy
24.12 - 12/24 - Santa's Mukbang (Drinking 1 Gallon of Eggnog)
25.12 - 12/25: Forcibly Turning Mark into Santa Claus against his will
26.12 - 12/26 - Preserving Ourselves In Wax
28.12 - 12/28 - Emotional Pain VS Physical Pain...Which is worse?
29.12 - 12/29 - Duct Tape Crucifiction (Amy please don't watch this video)
30.12 - 12/30 - You blink you lose
31.12 - 12/31 - 2 Grown Men attempt the presidential fitness test
01.01 - 01/01 - We took the Polar Plunge
02.01 - 01/02 - Hiding our Sins from Amy's Holy Peepers
03.01 - 01/03 - We eat Bugs
04.01 - 04/01 - DIY Bungee Jump (please don't try this)
05.01-01/05-We have the best thumbnails on YouTube and nobody can tell us ot...
06.01 - 01/06 - Who can make themselves taller
07.01 - 07/01 - The sensory overload tank
08.01 - 01/08 - Recreating ourselves as cursed Mannequin
09.01 - 01/09 - We took an IQ Test
10.01 - 01/10 - Ethan finally becomes a MAN
11.01 - 01.11 - Mark and Ethan go Casket Shopping
12.01 -01.12 - We take a Lie Detector Test to Uncover our Darkest Sins
13.01 - 01/13 - Learning to Breathe Underwater
14.01-01/14-Fixing Marks hole with Ramen but Every Time we add Glue we get 5%...
15.01. - 01/15 - Mark steals Ethans face
16.01 - 01/16 - You breathe you die
17.01 - 01/17 - 2 absolute beginners experience the glory that is Salsa
18.01 - 01/18 - DIY Geriatric Simulator
19.01 - 01/19 - This is how we'll die
20.01 - 01/20 - We cryogenically freeze ourselves
21.01 - 01/21 - This is how being tased feels like
22.01 - 01/22 - What happens when a YouTube channel dies
23.01 - 01/23 - Bad bad beans
24.01 - 01/24 - We hired a real hypnotherapist to analyze our darkest dreams
25.01 - 01/25 - We turned our bodies into art
26.01 - 01/26 - Mark and Ethan learn about the human body
27.01 - 01/27 - Mark punishes Ethan
28.01 - 01/28 - Strange (and legal) things you can do with your body after death
29.01 - 01/29 DIY Cheese
30.01 - 01/30 - Hacking the very fabric of the Universe
31.01 - 01/31 - Looking at long lost memes
01.02. - 02/01 - Discovering the secret to eternal life
02.02 - 02/02 - Turning Mark into an Eboy
03.02 - 02/03 - Ethan redefines male beauty
04.02 - 02/04 - Professional fire cupping (going even further beyond)
05.02 - 02/05 - An extremely sour, not-at-all sour meal
06.02 - 02/06 - Literally eating fire
07.02 - 02/07 - Unregulated axe throwing
08.02 - 02/08 - Literally laying on literal broken glass
09.02 - 02/09 - Making an indoor tornado to flex on mother nature
10.02 - 02/10 - Nutball: The most dangerous game
11.02 - 02/11 - Becoming a Master of Mime
12.02-02/12 -Discussing the idea of murdering each other but it's definitely...
13.02 - 02/13 - Are we already dead?
14.02 - 02/14 - Our perfect (and last) Valentine's day
15.02 - 02/15 - Drunk college party Simulator
16.02 - 02/16 - 10 strange products Ethan bought Mark because he doesn't know..
17.02. - 02/17 - Chickens teach us about Life and Death
18.02. - 02/18 - 3 big boys attempt the kings royal fitness test
19.02 - 02/19 - Being attacked by a fully trained bodyguard dog
20.02 - 02/20 - Learning the ancient art of chinese archery
21.02 - 02/21 - The ultimate trolley problem
22.02 - 02/22 - Goat Yoga
23.02 -23/03 - Edible Slime was a Mistake
24.02 - 02/24 - Granting access to heavens sweet gates
25.02 - 02/25 - Long hair, do we dare?
26.02 - 02/26 - We wrote a hit pop song in 30 minutes
27.02 - 02/27 - Mark and Ethan go on a "Drum Date"
28.02 - 02/28 - Blowing our souls into hot glass
29.02.-02/29-Top 10 Worst Things your friend could possibly spend their mone...
01.03 - 03/01 - Nutball extreme: Taser edition
02.03 - 03/02 - REAL ghost hunting at an abandoned zoo
03.03 - 03/03 - We bought a camera that can look inside us
04.03 - 03/04 - Becoming the worlds greatest DJs
05.03 - 03/05 - Who can teach their dogs a trick the fastest?
06.03 - 03/06 - Middle School Science Experiment Teaches us about Live and Death
07.03 - 03/07 - DIY Chiropractor
08.03 - 03/08 - Mark and Ethan get into a fight
09.03 - 03/09 - The Barrel - Official Music Video
10.03 - 03/10 - We got Pepper Sprayed
11.03 - 03/11 - We give each others tattoos blindfolded
12.03 - 03/12 - What does astrology say about our friendship?
13.03-03/13-Mark and Ethan get a full body scan to see what secrets lay hidd...
14.03 - 03/14 - Mark needs to rub Ethan and only his mom can help him
15.03 - 03/15 - Two idiots get crushed by 18 - foot giant snakes
16.03 - 03/16 - Beer Sauna - Turning a portable sauna into a portable hell
17.03 - 03/17 - Mark and Ethan hunt the most wanted criminals
18.03 - 03/18 - Unus Annus carves the roast beast
19.03 - 03/19 - 5 weird Apps that predict our Death
20.03 - 03/20 - We tried a labor pain simulator
21.03. - 03/21 - Recreating the miracle of childbirth
22.03 - 03/22 - Mark and Ethan are now Fathers
23.03 - 03/23 - We force James Charles to run a military obstacle course
24.03 - 03/24 - Desperately trying not to touch our faces
25.03 - 03/25 - Reddit 50/50: two player edition
26.03 - 03/26 - Going on an internet scavenger hunt
27.03 - 03/27 - Having an adventure in VRChat because we can't go outside
28.03 - 03/28 - Amazon Shopping for the Apocalypse
29.03 - 03.29 - Who would eat whomst first in a zombie apocalypse
03.03 - 03/30 - Ultimate YouTuber Boxing showdown
01.04 - 04/01 - Where in the world is Unus Annus?
02.04 - 04/02 - Mark builds a pillow fort for the first time
03.04 - 04/03 - Marks 1 weird talent leaves Ethan absolutely speechless
04.04 - 04/04 - Wikifeet: A tale of 2 tootsies
05.04 - 04/05 - We made every YouTuber battle in the hunger games
06.04 - 04/06 - We google each other to find our darkest forgotten sins
07.04 - 04/07 - We played mad lips and ran it through google translate
08.04 - 04/08 Mark and Ethan desperately try and name a single state in the USA
09.04-04/09-Speed reading 1000+ WPM to gain a complete understanding of all...
10.04 - 04/10 - What is the least viewed video on YouTube?
11.04 - 04/11 - We found Websites the world forgot about
12.04 - 04/12 - The scariest true stories of the internet
13.04 - 04/13 - How to not be the perfect boyfriend
14.04 - 04/14 - Mark and Ethan find the lost city of El Dorado
15.04. - 04/15 - Mark and Ethan bet everything on a Wikipedia race
16.04 - 04/16 - The creepiest videos on YouTube
17.04 - 04/17 - Help us break a YouTube world record
18.04 - 04/18 - 2 Men 200 Accents
19.04 - 04/19 - The Illuminati... Do they really exist
20.04 - 04/20 - Using Google Maps to find the lost city of Atlantis
21.04 - 04/21 - Reading your scariest true stories
22.04 - 04/22 - Mark and Ethan take a personality test
23.04 -04/23 - Will AI soon take over humanity as we know it?
24.04 - 04/24 - Running internet drama through Google Translate
25.04. - 04/25 - The secret Unus Annus no-touchy-touchy handshake
26.04 - 04/26 - Two male men judge female women on their beauty
27.04 - 04/27 - Bored? Press this Button
28.04 - 04/28 - Don't go into the ocean...ever
29.04-04/29-We explore the most MYSTERIOUS mysteries of our wildly mysterious..
30.04 - 04/30 - We looked at Unus Annus memes
01.05 - 05/01 - Is Mark a Masochist?
02.05 - 05/02 What the hell is a pink trombone?
03.05 -05/03 Professional fetish scientists rank the best/worst fetishes of 2020
04.05 - 05/04 - Mark and Ethan desperately attempted to feel something
05.05 - 05/05 - An A.I. generates our worst nightmare
06.05 - 05/06 - Are reptilian humanoids living among us?
07.05 - 05/07 - Like it or not, this is what the new human looks like
08.05-05/08-Eating only onions for 24h: How many onions does it take to kill...

27.12 - 12/27 - Beating Inanimate Objects to Death

39 3 0
By CJ_Valentine

The hangover was nearly killing him. He wasn't sure which one hurt worse. His head, or his back. They must have fallen asleep on the table yesterday night, which had quickly turned out to be a very bad idea.
Marvin came back from the kitchen with two cups of coffee in his hands. The noise they made when he sat them down made his ears ring.

Unus fared no better. He supported the weight of his head with one arm, the other hand raised over his eyes to shield them from the bright light.
   »Drink it while it's hot,« Marvin said in a low voice. Annus reached for the cup and took a sip. The hot coffee left a strong and bitter aftertaste, and he grimaced. »Don't we have milk in this house?«
  Marvin dismissed the question, sitting down next to them. »If added a few things, and milk would only lessen their effect.
Annus eyed the steaming black liquid. He decided against asking what exactly had been mixed into it.

Whatever it was, it seemed to work. Unus leaned back, blinking multiple times. He looked like a cat that had smelled something awful. He shook his head, a feat which Annus could only admire in his current state.
He decided to jump over his shadow and take another sip. It felt like somebody had slapped him in the face and poured a bucket of cold water over him, but, strangely enough, in a good way. 
     »Now that you're both back amongst the living, we can start with the training. Follow me.«
»What training?« Unus asked, following Marvin through a portal which he made appear with a simple gesture.
It led them to a patted room. »You need to learn how to defend yourself.«
He waited until Annus stepped through as well, then continued. 
    »I'll teach you how to effectively shape your environment. The more control you have, the easier it'll be to get out of here. Well start with something easy.«

He motioned at an open space, and the air began to shimmer like on a hot summer day.
They both took a step backwards when a mechanical humanoid appeared in front of them. It was a creature much like the one the hunted them in the hallway towards the first safe room.
Annus glanced over to Marvin, but his face showed no sign of hostility.
    »This as an autonomous mechanical yaeger. You could see them as the firewall of the Machine. They're here to make sure that nothing leaves or enters this place. I had to fight a few of them myself to get in.«

He turned back to Unus and Annus. »Even if you won't encounter Dark and Blank again, these things will try to stop you. There's two ways to defeat them. Get the mask off, or the whole head.«
Annus crossed his arms. »And how are we supposed to do that? With our bare hands?«
     »Even if you could, that would be way too dangerous. Their body is full of bladelike appendages. You're better of with a weapon.«
He graspes into the air, four metal playing cards appearing on his hand. With a swift motion, he threw them, two hit the creatures eyes, the other two the top and bottom of the mask, breaking it in half. The creature fell over. It sounded like a toolbox hitting the ground.

»How did you do that?« Unus exclaimed, an excited sparkle in his eyes.
»The key to materializing something is visualizing it,« Marvin explained, obviously happy about the excitement of his student. »You need to see it in front of your inner eye. Try to imagine it in as much detail as possible. Look at it from every direction. Try to feel it. What is it made of? How heavy is it? Relax, and focus on the thing you want to materialize.

Unus closed his eyes, stretching his hand out. His eyeballs twitched underneath his eyelids. After a few seconds, he opened them with a disappointed huff. »It doesn't work!«
»Try something that's easier to imagine,« Marvin said in a reassuring tone. »Start with something simple.«

Unus nodded, and closed his eyes again. This time, a small dagger, not much bigger than a letter opener. He waved it around. »I saw it laying on the table in your lab!«
Marvin nodded, a proud smile on his face. He then turned towards Annus. »Now you try.«

He focused on the baseball bat which Mark had in his room. He tried to imagine how it felt in his hand, the black handle, and the smooth, cold metal underneath. He shifted his hands, as if the weight of the bat would be resting in them.

He looked at the shiny metal, and at how the grip was lighter where it had been held often.
Annus opened his eyes, and lo and behold, the bat was there, resting in his hands.

Marvin clapped. »Great job, you two! Now let's see how you hold up in a fight!«
Before Annus could protest, he had to dodge a fast metal claw. The yaeger had gotten back up, it's mask reformed.

The second attack came from the right. He jerked the bat up. The impact nearly tore it from his hand.
    »Don't push against it, take the force out of the swing!« Marvin yelled from behind him.
He dodged the next attack. He raised the bat again, following the direction of the next swing and slowing it down.

»I'll keep it busy, you take care of the mask,« he yelled over his shoulder.
Unus tightened his grip around the knife.
He breathed calmly, waiting for an opening. The yaeger focused on Annus's left, while occasionally trying  an overhead attack.

He straved to it's right, keeping his eyes locked onto it. It tried to turn to him, but Annus lunged forward, swinging down at a joint of the extended blade.
He used the timeframe, closing the distance and stabbing the mask in a forward motion.
It cracked. He threw a punch with the other hand, and it fell to the floor.

»Amazing!« Marvin burst out. »Lesson one, aced!«
Their weapons disappeared into thin air. Annus looked at his friend, who had a proud grin on his face. He brushed a strand of hair out of his face. Unus looked happier than he had been in quite a while.

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