ROSIE
For the first time in what felt like forever I woke up feeling safe, secure, and warm in Josh's arms.
My head rested on his chest and his arms were wrapped tightly around me. Our legs were entangled under the covers. My head raised and lowered slowly in time with his chest as he breathed in and out steadily.
I glanced up at his sleeping face, his eyes still closed and his long dark lashes brushing his cheeks. Some of the colour was returning to his skin and he was starting to look much healthier. He was still quite thin, and his arms didn't feel the same as they used to when they surrounded me.
I knew he would be okay though; we had hit the bottom, but things were only looking up from here.
I snaked my arm around his waist and nuzzled my face into his bare chest. He stirred lightly but didn't wake, remaining peacefully asleep.
I was careful not to touch his side where his stitches were covered in white bandages. He was still suffering with a lot of pain and the area was extremely sensitive.
My phone buzzed quietly from underneath my pillow and I reached under carefully so as not to disturb Josh.
It was a text from my Mom, telling me she'd seen Daniel on the news. He had been arrested and charged, as well as some of the boys he was with that night.
It was upsetting to think back to that night, but I was glad something was being done about it. I can't say that I felt happy, but I suppose I felt relieved.
I felt Josh moving and suddenly his lips were on my neck, peppering light kisses over my skin.
I giggled and slipped the phone away under the pillow, tangling my fingers into his soft hair. I felt his lips turn up into a smile against my skin as his hands found their way to my butt, squeezing playfully.
He nipped and sucked at the skin on my neck and I moaned quietly, pulling his body closer against mine.
He moved to push me into the bed and climb on top of me where he usually would but groaned in pain and retracted.
Instead I pushed him down into the bed and straddled his hips, careful not to lean on his sore area. He smirked up at me cheekily, his hands gripping my hips and his fingers pressing into my skin.
My hair fell around my shoulders messily and I flicked it out of my face, leaning down to Josh.
I teased him, barely brushing my lips against his. He groaned and leant his neck up trying to meet my lips.
I giggled and shook my head, pulling my lips away so that he couldn't reach them. He growled and reached his hand up to grip my hair tightly, yanking my face down to his and kissing me roughly.
I moaned into his kiss, my body melting into his as I felt his erection pressing against my groin where our bodies met. He lifted his hips up to rub against me as he used his hands to move my hips against his.
I gasped quietly in pleasure, but he quickly covered my mouth with another desperate kiss.
My hands confidently reached down to the hem of his boxers and he smirked as I pushed them down out of the way.
"I like this side of Rosie." He mused.
I giggled and shushed him.
"Don't get used to it, it's only while you're hurt." I joked.
He pouted in disappointment.
"Well.." he grinned, "At least I have a long recovery ahead of me."
JOSH
I sat on the edge of the bed, waiting for Rosie to get out of the shower.
There was a dull ache in my side from this morning's activities... but it was worth it.
I smiled to myself as I thought of how confident and comfortable, she'd grown to become, compared to how she was when we met.
I loved how much she trusted me to truly relax and let go with me.
The door creaked open and in tip toed a soggy Rosie, her red hair dripping water droplets along her pale skin and her body covered by the towel wrapped again her.
She smiled at me as she started sorting out the clothes she had laid out on the bed for the day.
I reached out for her hand and pulled her so that she was standing between my legs, pulling the towel from her body, her nervous gaze focused on the floor. She still felt self-conscious when I looked at her body.
I leaned in and pressed my lips to her stomach, feeling her shiver under my touch.
Her hands found their way into my hair as she played with it between her fingers. I smiled against her skin and wrapped my arms around her, hugging her lovingly as I rested my head against her stomach.
She leaned down and kissed the top of my head.
"Love you." She whispered. I could hear the smile in her voice.
"Love you." I said back quietly.
She was so tiny, I couldn't imagine her with a baby bump.
There was a sharp knock at the door and my Mom's voice broke our comfortable silence.
"Are you nearly ready? We're leaving soon!" she shouted through the door.
Rosie pulled away, much to my disappointment, and went to get dried and dressed.
I couldn't shower for the next few days, I couldn't get my bandages wet. I would have regular check-ups at the hospital where they would clean and change the bandages for me. Rosie had helped me get dressed before she went for her shower, since I was still in a lot of pain and had limited mobility.
Today was Zack's funeral.
A pang of guilt and sadness washed over me as I thought of him.
Zack was like my brother; we had grown up together – all four of us had. The world didn't feel the same without him in it.
He was leaving behind a baby that he had just found out about, a whole future that could have been his. I couldn't imagine leaving Rosie to deal with all this alone now.
As scary as it was, as anxious as I felt for the future, I was so excited. Every time I looked at her and knew that I would wake up to her face every day for the rest of my life or thought about the fact she was carrying my baby; a massive grin would break out on my face.
Everything was moving very quickly, but it felt right.
I only wish we hadn't lost a friend to share it with.
Rosie appeared in front of me again, this time with my crutches in her hands and a sympathetic smile on her lips.
She was wearing a black dress and cardigan and had dried her hair in it's natural red curls. She looked beautiful.
Handing me my crutches she helped me stand to my feet, and we headed out.
It wasn't long before we were arriving at the church, groups of different people entering the building. Some I recognised, some I didn't.
The room was large and cold, with big stain glass windows and crosses on the walls. There was a hum of chatter echoing around the walls as people greeted each other and chatted amongst themselves.
Craig and Liam were already here and joined us, saying hello. They looked strange in shirts and ties. Everything about this felt strange.
My Mom went to speak to some of her friends, quietly telling us that we would meet back up later on.
I glanced up the aisles of the church at the people who were here for Zack. His Mom was seated at the front row, looking rough. She was never a stable mother, and Zack had a difficult upbringing because of her. They didn't have a good relationship, but no parent should have to lose their child like this.
Behind her was Naomi, dressed in black with Stacey bouncing on her hip. She was looking around the church at the guests as well, probably searching for a familiar face or someone she recognised.
She was with another guy I hadn't seen before, someone with dark hair who looked similar to her. He had his arm around her supportively, but he didn't look as unrested or upset.
His eyes scanned the room until they landed on our group, and I stared back at him confused as to why he would be looking at us. Rosie tugged on my arm gently to get my attention, not having noticed the stranger staring at us, and I looked away from him to see what she was saying.
Her parents had arrived and wanted to give their condolences. We spoke for a few minutes and hugs were exchanged all around. When they left to find their seats, I looked up again in the direction of that guy, but he wasn't there anymore.
"Hey Naomi," Liam said sadly. I realised then that both the stranger and Naomi were now stood in front of us.
"Hey boys." She said quietly, just above a whisper. She had placed Stacey in her stroller and was pushing her around, rather than carrying her. Her eyes where red and surrounded by dark circles. She looked pale and unkept. She had made an effort for the funeral but you could tell she was struggling to hold it together.
Rosie's body went stiff next to mine and she seemed to be fiddling with her hands nervously. She was suddenly very uncomfortable. and I looked at her directly, asking her quietly what was wrong.
She shook her head and smiled, but it wasn't genuine.
I noticed now that the guy was staring at her, almost urging her to meet his gaze.
"Who is this?" I asked, rudely.
Naomi apologised, "This is my brother, Blake," she explained, "Blake this is Rosie, Josh, Liam and Craig."
There was a mumbling of greetings between the groups, but I remained silent, staring him down. That didn't explain why he was staring at Rosie.
"Yeah, we've met." Blake said, gesturing to Rosie.
"Yeah." She said quietly from beside me.
"You have?" Naomi asked her bother, turning to face him. "When was this?"
"Rosie came to visit her family recently. Turned out that I work for them back home." He explained.
Rosie hadn't mentioned this.
"Excuse me." Rosie said quietly, stepping away from the group. She headed straight back out of the church and I saw her turn the corner outside.
Liam started trying to speak to me about something, but I couldn't pay any attention to what he was saying. My eyes followed Rosie but my ears tuned into the conversation happening next to me and I grew extremely frustrated at not having the whole picture.
"Wait," Naomi was saying to her brother. "Is that who you were telling me about? Don't tell me all along it was Rosie."
Blake shook his head in frustration and excused himself, following Rosie out of the church.
"What's that about?" I asked Naomi, pointedly.
She put her hands up defensively. "Don't ask me, Dude." She said, bending down to see to Stacy as she stirred in her stroller.
"Don't worry about it." Liam shrugged nonchalantly. "They're probably just catching up."
I guessed he was right. Turning my full attention back to the group I stood there with my weight on my crutches, waiting until we could get to our seats.
ROSIE
Rushing out of the church and around the side of the building I buried my face in my hands and huffed to myself. This was so embarrassing and awkward.
In all the commotion of recent events I never even thought about Blake being here.
Of course, he is.
Why wouldn't he show up to support his sister at the funeral of her baby's father. I heard rushed footsteps behind me and cringed, wishing I could sink into the ground.
I knew those footsteps weren't Josh's as they weren't slow and accompanied by the click clacking of his crutches. I internally smiled at my temporarily crippled boyfriend, but reality came crashing back down as the footsteps stopped right by me and a voice broke the silence.
"Hey..." Blake said, hesitantly.
"Hey." I said back, not meeting his eyes.
I hated how things had ended between us. I did like him, he did make me feel better in those weeks that I spent back home, and he was a genuinely kind and lovely boy.
But he wasn't meant for me, and the longer I stayed and carried on with what we were doing, the more I could have hurt his feelings.
Deep down, all along, I knew I would come back to Josh.
"Listen Ros-"
"I'm so-"
We both went to speak at the same time, stopping awkwardly as we spoke over each other.
He laughed nervously.
"You go." He said.
I paused for a second, thinking before I continued.
"I'm really sorry Blake, I didn't mean to lead you on, and then I had to leave so suddenly."
"No, no, no." he shook his head. "You were dealing with so much here, I should have known not to try and pursue things with you.
He laughed to himself.
"It's a bad habit of mine, going after unavailable people. It's why I'm still single."
I shook my head and took both his hands.
"Blake, you're amazing and kind and you made me laugh when I needed it the most. I will always appreciate you, and you'll find someone perfect for you one day too."
He smiled sadly at the floor.
"So that's Josh, huh?" he asked, nodding his head back towards the church.
I shrugged and smiled fondly.
"That's Josh." I told him.
"He seems...Nice." He mused.
I rolled my eyes, walking back towards the church arm in arm with Blake.
"He is nice." I told him, "When you get to know him." I shrugged.
I knew Josh could be standoffish with people he didn't know. And he was probably getting a vibe between Blake and I that was making him uncomfortable.
At least now Blake and I had cleared the air, things should be less uncomfortable for everyone.
Slipping back inside the church we realised people had started to settle down into their seats and the ceremony was about to begin. We smiled at each other and split up, heading to our seats.
Blake took his seat next to Naomi and I sat down next to Josh in the space he had saved me.
He smiled at me as I scooted into my spot and he instinctively put his arm around my shoulder, kissing the side of my face.
Blake turned around and waved from his seat, and I grinned and waved back.
"What's the deal with him?" Josh asked quietly.
I scrunched my face up as I considered what the best way to explain it was.
"He babysits for my family back home. We spent a lot of time together when I went to stay with them." I started.
Josh nodded, "A lot of time...?" he asked, an eyebrow raised.
"I think there's some things we both did while we were separated that the other would rather not know about..."
His eyebrows narrowed together as he started to understand what I was saying, and his glare moved from me to the back of Blake's head.
I sighed and rolled my eyes.
"Baby." I said, cupping his face in my hand and tilting it so that he looked me in the eyes.
His eyes softened as they met mine.
I held my hand up backwards, wiggling my fingers at him so that the light glimmered against my ring and it caught his attention.
I was reminding him who's ring was on my finger.
His.
His expression finally broke into a smile and his arm held me a little tighter, a little possessively. I smiled to myself as I settled into his side, and we faced the front as the ceremony began.
~*~
At the end of the ceremony there were tears all around. Nobody had managed to keep it together after seeing the images of Zack and the boys as young kids, playing together in costumes or on their bikes.
I wiped at my face until my cheeks were dry and watched the others in our group do the same. As tough as these boys tried to act there was so much love between them and this was genuinely such a tragedy.
I looked at the pain in Craig's eyes and I knew he would never recover from this.
Filing out of the church, many people made their way back to their cars and towards their homes.
We stood there at the entrance, Liam, Craig, Josh, Me, Naomi and Blake. Our parents appeared in a group behind us and said they would see us all at home. They knew we needed some time together to deal with this.
Together we walked solemnly to the back of the church where there was an old, decrepit graveyard. It had large full trees with leaves that fell slowly and gracefully onto the patchy, unkempt grass below.
The gravestones were broken, and some sat at an angle as the ground sunk below them over time. They were covered in moss and dirt.
I enjoyed the peacefulness of graveyards, I thought they were beautiful. I enjoyed walking through them on a thoughtful afternoon alone.
Together we found a patch of grass under one of the big trees and sat together in a circle.
Liam produced a flask of alcohol and we passed it around as we spoke, laughing, crying, reminiscing about our lost friend and the memories we had with him.
Craig was quiet for a long time, just listening. He cleared his voice from beside me and we all stopped to give him our attention. He looked so devastated, losing his best friend had destroyed the mischievous and cheeky boy I was used to.
"I have to tell you guys something." He said, a nervous undertone in his voice.
I reached out and held his hand, squeezing it and nodding at him reassuringly.
He smiled slightly in gratitude as he carried on.
"Me and Zack..." he trailed off thoughtfully. "We did the same shit, you know? And it's killed him."
We remained silent, letting him explain. He was referring to the fact both of them often did drugs thoughtlessly.
"Losing him to this." He stopped, his voice breaking.
He took a few deep breaths before he carried on.
"I need to clean up my act. This isn't how it was supposed to be. This isn't how any of it was supposed to be." He said seriously.
"We're here for you, Craig." I told him seriously. "Whatever you need."
The rest of the group nodded. "Always." Liam added, his hand on his friends shoulder.
Craig shook his head.
"I know you are, but..."
He looked around at his group of friends with complete sincerity. Nobody knew what news he was about to share. Nobody expected it.
"I don't think that's going to be enough to really kick this habit, to really change."
"What do you mean?" Josh asked him, confused.
"I've enlisted in the army." Craig announced, his shoulders lowered. "I think it's what I've always needed, some structure, discipline."
Gasps and confused questions broke out amongst the group as everyone wondered why on earth he had done this without telling anyone. It was a huge step. And nobody wanted him to leave.
Surprisingly it was Naomi who seemed to object the hardest to this news, as she broke out in tears and leant across the circle we had formed in the ground, in which she was opposite Craig, to wrap her arms around his neck and hug him tightly to her.
Craig hugged her back tightly and shut his eyes, holding back more tears.
"You can't leave, Craig." Naomi told him through teary eyes. "Not with Zack gone, I need all of you here. Stacey has lost her Dad... I want her to have her Uncles."
Naomi extended her arms and reached for Liam and Josh, who all joined in on the group hug.
"You'll always have us, Naomi." Liam told her, "We will be here and support you just like Zack would have wanted."
Josh nodded in agreement. "We'll always be here." He told her.
He turned to Craig and they looked at each other for a moment, before Craig broke and hugged his friend.
"If it's what you need to do..." Josh said, thoughtfully, "Then we'll always be here when you get back."
Craig smiled slightly and wiped more tears from his pale face and flicked the blonde hair out of his eyes.
Conversation carried on from then, plans for the future, sharing the news about our baby and engagement with Naomi and Blake who didn't know, we finally started to smile again.
As we sat there together in the crisp morning air, the sun twinkling through the branches of the trees, and the birds singing in the distance, I couldn't help but feel like this was the end of something.