Isaac to Cal: I dare you to—
Ethan: Cal isn't allowed to accept dares.
Cal, shrugging: Apparently I have "no regard for my personal safety".
Mason to Liam while dumping out a shopping bag full of Lunchables onto the table: Tonight, we feast.
Cal: *sharpens knife* We've got ways of making people talk.
Cal: *cuts piece of cake*
Stiles: ...can I have some?
Cal: Cake is for talkers.
Jackson: Rules were made to be broken!
Scott, looking at assassins lying on the floor in pain: Yeah, well, bodies weren't.
Lydia: I relate to Belle because she loves books and likes people for who they are!
Cal: I relate to Tinkerbell because she needs attention or she dies
Cal to Jackson and Ethan: I wasn't hurt that bad Deacon said all the bleeding was internal. Which is where it's supposed to be
Cora: *accidentally hits Stiles in the face*
Cora: *trying to decide between saying "I'm fucking sorry" and "are you okay?"
Cora: ARE YOU FUCKING SORRY?!
Scott, concerned: Malia, are you okay?
Malia, shrugging: It's the blood loss.
Kira, noticing Scott's alarm: She's on her period.
Aiden: Did Lydia just tell me she loves me for the first time?
Ethan: Yeah.
Aiden: And did I do finger guns back?
Ethan: Yeah, you did.
Scott: Stiles and I are having a baby.
Liam: That's gre-
Scott, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here.
Kira: Cora and I were crossing the street, and this dude drove by and honked at us
Stiles: *Sighing* What did Cora do?
Kira: They chased him to the next red light, then reached into his window and...
Cora, walking in: Who wants a steering wheel?
Louise: Would you stab your best friend in the leg for 10 million gold?
Zac: You stab me, and then when my leg gets better, we buy a big-ass house.
Cal: You can stab me too, then we'll have 20 million.
Zac: Good thinking.
Ethan: You're smiling, did something good happen?
Cal: I can't smile just because I feel like it?
Jackson: Stiles tripped and fell in the parking lot.
Malia: Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
Isaac: Please never become a surgeon
Melissa: I am at a loss for words!
Scott, telling Stiles later: Despite being lost for words, Mum yelled at me for the next 45 minutes.
Arlo: *Screams*
Cal: *Screams louder to establish dominance*
Isaac: Should we do something?
Louise, shaking her head: No, I want to see who wins.
Ethan, banging on the door: Jackson! Open up!
Jackson: Well, it all started when I was a kid...
Stiles: No, they meant-
Cal: Let them finish.
Louise: I've already sent good vibes your way... they're coming. There's nothing you can do to stop them.
Cal: This is the most threatening way I've ever been cheered up.
Cal, watching Scott and Stiles in the hot tub: Two bros, chilling in a hot tub, 5 feet apart cause they're not gay.
Lydia: I spilled lipstick in your Valentino bag.
Ms Martin: You spilled, wha, lipstick in my Valentino White bag?
Ethan: Let me see what you have!
Cal: A knife!
Ethan: No!
Scott: On all levels, except physical, I am a wolf.
Cal: What d'ya say?
Coach: I said whoever threw that paper, ya mom's a hoe.
Scott: You know you can die from that, right?
Ethan: *smoking a cigarette* That's the point.
Jackson: *drinking alcohol* We're trying to speed this up.
Cal: *Eating raw cookie dough and nodding]*
At Peter's funeral
DerekI need a moment with him.
Everyone: Of course.
They leave
Derek, leaning over Peter's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you're not dead.
Peter: Yeah, no shit.
Jackson: the moon looks beautiful, isn't it?
Ethan, looking at Jackson: yeah... but do you know what's more beautiful?
Both in unison: Cal.
Louise: Isaac is too tall for me to kiss them on the lips. what should i do?
Cal: punch him in the stomach. then, when he doubles over in pain, kiss him.
Malia: Tackle him!
Stiles: Dump him.
Cora: Kick them in the shin!
Isaac: No to all of those! Just ask me to lean down!!
Stiles: Tomorrow's garbage day.
Cal: I can't believe they made a whole day dedicated to you.
Cal: Hold on! I'm having one of those things....a headache with pictures.
Isaac: What the fuck?
Jackson: They're having an idea.
Stiles: I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.
Cal: What are everyone's kinks?
Kira: I do not think this is an appropriate topic.
Stiles: Love and affection hehe
Jackson: Hair pulling and mirrors
Ethan: Whips, chains, cages, kitty lingerie, being called dadd-
Scott: MY KINK IS PRAYING EVERY NIGHT AND WISHING I WASN'T APART OF THIS CONVERSATION!
Cal: Look guys, I need help.
Louise:Love help?
Jackson: Financial help?
Ethan: Emotional help?
Malia: Help moving a body?
*Everybody looks at Malia*
Malia: ¯\_(-_-)_/¯
Cal: I'm sad.
Ethan and Jackson: *putting their arms around them* come here, it's gonna be okay.
Stiles: *looking at Cora* I'm sad.
Cora: *nodding* mood.
Cal, angrily: ARE YOU-
Stiles: Fucking.
Cal: -KIDDING ME?! YOU-
Stiles: Fucking.
Cal: IDIOT-
Scott: ...What was that?
Stiles: Louise banned Cal from swearing, so i volunteered to help them out
Scott: I think you just like saying the f word.
Stiles: That doesn't make my job any less important.
Scott: Do you understand now?
Liam: Yeah, totally!
Liam, under their breath as Scott walks away: what the fuck did they just say–
Stiles: Every time I'm confronted with a problem and feel desperate and helpless, I look at a picture of all of us together.
Pack: awww–
Stiles: and I tell myself, if I can survive living with those dumbass clowns, it means I can handle every problem.
Pack: ...
Liam: You kiDNAPPED COREY?? THAT'S ILLEGAL!
Mason: but what's more illegal, Liam? Briefly inconveniencing Corey or letting you never confess your feelings for them and live a life of celibacy?
Liam: KIDNAPPING HIM, MASON!