"C'MERE, YOU SONUVA BITCH!" I bellow at the akuma. Some Elsa-wannabe is trying to destroy Paris... again.
"You'll never catch me!" Elsa-wannabe yells back. "You never will!"
A black hand wraps around her staff. "Gotcha," Chat smirks. The staff crumbles and the Akuma flies away. LB purifies it and all goes back to normal.
"Nice job everyone!" LB praises. Before she can say anything else, Alya comes running up to us.
"Excuse me! Can you give me an interview?" The auburn-haired girl asks. We still have time left so we agree. "Great! Ladybug, what is your relationship with Perruche?"
"What?!" LB suddenly becomes defensive. "Perruche is not attractive, I am not attracted to her, she isn't even that hot!"
We all stare at the spotted hero. A smug, shit-eating grin spreads across my face. "That wasn't the question, babe," I say evilly. "You think I'm hot?"
LB's eyes go wide. Before anyone can react, her fist flies at me, breaks my nose, then she yoyos away without a word.
"OW! WHAT THE HELL?!" I grab my nose in pain. Other than my tiny whimpers when I gingerly touch my nose, everything is silent.
Chat is the first to speak. "What just happened?" I wave off his concern.
"Don't worry about it," I assure him and the Ladyblog viewers. "She's crazy about me, she's just having a hard time accepting it." I laugh off the pain, but no one laughs with me. "Anyway, I'm gonna go to the hospital real quick, see ya next time!" I fly away to the doctor to fix up my nose. Fuck, that hurts.
I walk onto Liberty the next day - with a kick-ass nose brace - since we're all hanging out. I even invited Kagami since she, Adrien and I all are skipping fencing for this. When we walk down, everyone is talking about LB's reaction to Alya's question.
"Ladybug totally has a crush on Perruche," I hear Mylene say.
"I mean, I don't blame her," Alix adds. "Have you seen Perruche? She's hella hot!" Well, there's my daily dose of ego-boost.
"Y/N!" I hear my name being called. I see Mari rushing at me, her eyes locked onto my nose. "What happened?"
"Got socked in the face," I answer.
"What?"
"Yeah."
"That's a coincidence. I punched someone yesterday."
"I know," I laugh. "I saw the Ladyblog." Her eyes widen and she starts apologizing profusely. "Mari, Mari, calm down. You don't have to be sorry. Thinking someone is hot is not a crime."
"But I don't think she's hot!" She protests.
"Okay, okay," my hands rise in defence. "Whatever you say..."
We walk into the room and Mari is looking very guilty, despite not needing to. A few more people asked me about my nose and I have a seriously hard time trying not to start cackling at the irony.
A red acoustic guitar catches my eye and I see it as an escape from the increasingly specific nose questions. "Woah, that's beautiful," I say, walking over to the guitar.
"Oh, what?" Alya says teasingly. "You're already a strong fighter, a good student, and the world's best girlfriend. You can't possibly be a musician too!"
I chuckle a bit. "One: I know, I try, and thank you, Mari. You're the world's second-best girlfriend." Mari playfully sticks her tongue out at me making me laugh more. "And two: bitch, bet."
I pick up the guitar and begin to play the first few chords of Bad Romance by Lady Gaga when we suddenly hear a piano upstairs.
We all look up curiously before dropping our things and heading upstairs.
"You know perfectly well you're my first choice!" Jagged stone says emotionally to Captain Anarka, playing piano atop his van, Fang on top of the piano. "You're my only one Nanarky!"
"Nanarky?" Both Juleka and Luka say at the same time, looking at each other curiously.
"You can't fool me, pirate!" Anarka shouts at the rocker. "I bet you threw your guitarist overboard. Again!" This smells like the strongest tea I have ever smelled.
"No, I swear I didn't," Jagged assures. "She sailed away from me. She left me in the lurch!" He dramatically places a hand on his forehead. Anarka raises a brow. Jagged pulls out a record case with two people on it. "Look how good we were together!" Oh, so they used to be a duo. "Come back and play with me, Nanarky!" Jagged makes kissy faces at Anarka and I nearly snort aloud.
"Jagged and our mom?" Juleka and Luka say together once again. Oh my God, this family has drama and I am living for it!
Anarka lightly smiles at Jagged, almost caving but steels herself. "We're not co-captains anymore! I sail alone now, skipper!" She turns around dramatically, her braid swishing behind her. This tea is boiling, my god.
Jagged start playing sad music on the piano and I nearly laugh. Suddenly Jagged gasps happily and starts playing happy music. "Marinette!" He calls making my girlfriend flinch. "The awesome designer of these rock'n'roll shades of mine! I'm sure you can help me!" Protective girlfriend mode suddenly kicks in and I grab her arm and pull her closer to me. "I need a guitarist, like, yesterday. Do you play guitar?"
"Me? Uh, guitar?" Mari starts stuttering. "I can play a few notes on the flute but, I don't think..."
Jagged start playing sad music again. Mari starts looking around for something to cheer him up and I smile at her. She's honestly too cute. I nudge her and she looks up to me, an almost desperate look in her eyes.
I clear my throat. "Jagged!" I call, making him stop his sad music. "I have a great guitarist for you."
"Really? Who?"
I point to Luka. "That young man, right there," I say proudly. He's basically my brother at this point. "This is Luka, the best guitarist I know."
"Rock'n'roll, man!" Jagged cheers, playing happy music. "Play a bit for me, will ya?"
"Uh, sure," Luka says humbly. Adrien gives him an encouraging look and I almost melt at how cute they are. My gaybies are the cutest alive and no one can change my mind.
Just as Luka was starting a riff, a thud sounds from Liberty's bow. We all gasp when a black and white girl with yellow music notes and bones decorating her starts chewing Jagged out.
"Jagged Stone!" She shouts. "So you fire me and then try to replace me with what?" She gestures to Luka. "A school kid?"
Adrien, Mari and I immediately step to protect Luka. No one will touch a hair on his head or I swear to God I will burn the country to ash.
"Vivica?" Jagged says, raising his shades. "Is that you?"
"There ain't no more Vivica!" The girl scowls. "There's only Desperada now!" Damn, that's actually a good name. Kudos to Moth Man with this one.
Desperada holds out her case and opens it. Inside is just yellow light but she pulls out a... Trombone gun? Holy fuck, that thing is awesome. Not good, but definitely awesome.
"If I can't be your guitarist anymore, I'm gonna make sure nobody can!" The villain moves to point the gun at Luka and I become more protective.
"Aha!" A voice calls making us all pause. Anarka is stomping back to the ship's edge. "You ship rat! I knew you were lying! Vivica didn't leave you! You dropped her, just like you dropped me!" Oh my lord, there's still more tea here. If there wasn't a villain here I'd be getting myself some popcorn.
"What?!" Desperada asks, both women now unhappy with Jagged. The man himself is trying to hide behind his hand. "You were thinking of replacing me with her?"
"Hey!" Anarka shouts, now offended by Desperada's ugly tone. "I'm a much better guitarist than you! And I was his first choice!" Alya already has her phone out recording the whole thing. I'm slowly inching the group back away from the villain and Anarka battle because I can only sense bad things coming from this.
"In that case, you'll be my first choice too!" Desperada shouts evilly. She jumps and points her trombone gun at Anarka and shoots. It makes an innocent trumpet sound and a yellow ball of light shoots out. It hits Anarka and she turns to yellow smoke. A stamp of the captain appears on the guitar case on Desperada's back.
Desperada lands in a hero stance on the deck. "I never miss a musical note. Vivica always hits her targets!" I thought there was no Vivica anymore...? God, villains are so inconsistent.
Kagami is the first to take action. She grabs a long stick and charges. Desperada only shoots her and she becomes a stamp too. I shoo Mari away so she can transform while Desperada shoots Rose and Juleka as well.
"Run!" I shout making everyone scatter. Desperada gets a few more people but Luka and Adrien manage to get away and I hide in an alley.
"Why does an Akuma have to appear right when I get a broken nose?" I groan to Mel.
She groans too. "I don't know. But we don't have a choice."
"Fair enough. Mel, let's fly!"
We transform, and I go to find my partners. I see Adrien and Luka in the same place and LB has now joined them. I sneak through bushes and fly under the bridge to get to them.
"Perruche!" LB cheers happily when I show up. "Thank goodness. Sorry about your nose, by the way."
"I'd make a joke, but we have bigger fish to fry here," I say quickly. Since Adrien has yet to transform I need to get him an escape. LB and I both eye the manhole at the same time and nod to each other. "I'll distract her. You get these boys to safety."
"Got it," she replies. "Let's go." The boys follow LB to the manhole while I fly up in the opposite direction to distract Desperada.
"I have never seen a more Led Zepplin wannabe in my life," I say, pretending to gag as I touch the ground.
"Pesky bird," Desperada growls, whipping around and aiming at me. I'm half-convinced that it's actually Hawkmoth growling. "I'm gonna clip your wings!" She tries to shoot me but I dodge easily.
"Yeah yeah," I blabber on. "Like I've never heard that one before." She shoots again and I dodge. "My best friend is Chat Noir. You're gonna have to be a bit more creative." She starts rapid firing at me and things get more difficult but I cover my nerves with cockiness. "You know, I would be intimidated but your weapon sounds like someone trying to fart quietly and failing miserably."
"ARGH!" She starts coming at me with more shots and even some close combat punches. She's actually making this hard now. We fight for a while. I manage to get some hits in but she's good. Might be one of Hawkmoth's best villains yet. We might need help with this one, especially since she can poof us away. We'll need some second chances. We need Sass.
Just as she's about to pin me, a yo-yo comes in a smacks her off me. "LB!" In Desperada's disorientation, a scramble up, scoop up LB and fly us to a roof.
"What's up?" SHe asks, sensing my worry.
"She's kicking my ass," I chuckle. "We need some help with this one." I grab a knife and open it. The inside is just swirling colours and infinite storage. I reach into the light and pull out the Snake Miraculous. I put the bracelet in Mari's hand.
"Look, I need to keep her distracted, can you give this to someone trustworthy?"
"Yes."
"Thank you. And choose wisely. Someone who you think will fit the snake miraculous."
"I won't let you down."
"Great. Now go. I'll meet you in the sewers soon."
She nods and yo-yo's away. Time to be a diversion.
I fly over to the opposite side of the square to where LB went. "HEY! Disturbance at the Dancing Place! Ready for round two?"
Desperada whips around; pure hatred in her eyes. "I gotchu now, bird brain!" She tries firing at me again and I dodge.
"'Bird brain', huh?" I smirk. "You're supposed to be an artist. That was the most uncreative, unoriginal insult I've ever heard."
"Shut up!"
"No!" I start firing knives back at her. We engage in a projectile fight. Only she could survive being hit by my knives while I will probably die or at least be in a lot of pain. I have no clue what those magic bullets will do to my immune ass.
Unfortunately, that is answered when she corners me and manages to shoot me right in the chest.
"FUCK!" My chest constricts and I fall from the sky. I crash into a car, my chest in searing pain. It feels like a bullet went through me but I have no outside damage. Sometimes immunity is great, but this just fucking sucks.
"Where are you?" Desperada's voice sings menacingly from around the corner. "Does Polly wanna cracker?" I refrain from groaning at her awful insult.
I barely manage to get up without making a sound. I quickly slip into a manhole before she turns the corner. I'm safe for now. Just need to find LB.
I tour the sewers for like two minutes before I hear voices. The pain in my chest is subsiding but not quite gone. It hurts to breathe.
I turn a corner to face LB's back. She's talking to someone whose face I can't see.
"LB?" I say weakly, my lungs almost giving out from the hit.
LB turns quickly and rushes to help when I wobble around the corner. "What happened?"
"Uh, got punched," I lie, not wanted them to know that I'm that weird. "Hurt's like a fucking bitch." I stretch my back and my bruised chest screams against it but when I relax it feels better. I can still fight.
"Hello, Perruche," I hear a familiar voice greet me. I look up to meet the person's eyes. I'm assuming this is the person LB chose for the snake mirac-
That's Adrien.
She fucking chose Adrien!!!!!!!!! Goddammit! How do I tell them that he can't have the snake? He's meant for the Cat! I'm not supposed to know it's him- wait... I'm Guardian. I'm supposed to know.
"LB? Can you please tell me who this is?" I ask, trying really hard to hide the bitterness and fear in my tone.
"Um... Isn't that not allowed?" She wonders uneasily.
"I'm the Guardian," I answer. "I need to know so I can get it back later."
"Oh... This is Adrien Agreste." Adrien awkwardly waves at me and I nearly snarl. This isn't good. This can only be bad. And now my stomach feels weird.
"Great," I say, not really sounding happy about it. "Gimme a moment." I walk back around the corner and empty my stomach. God, I never want to be hit with that magic again.
I heave a breath and spit the rest of the bile out before looking up. I see a worried-looking Plagg across the way. We have a sort of mental conversation as to what the fuck happened. I gesture to the pair aggressively and Plagg makes exasperated arm movements and then shrugs. I pinch my nose. I can't say he can't be a snake hero because then that will raise questions and that isn't good. I guess we should just fucking try. See what happens. I mean, I wore all of them at once, maybe he can manage another one...
Maybe.
I go back to them and put on a confident look. "Okay, what's your hero name?"
"Aspik," he answers.
I-
I'm going to kick his ass for that. What the fuck kind of name is that? I... I can't fuckin... Ugh. Moving on.
"Okay. The bitch is strong, we need to be careful." I look at Cha- shit. Aspik. "You know how to use that?" He kinda looks nervous. I roll my eyes. "Okay, so you say the command, 'Second Chance' and pull the snakehead back on the bracelet. After that, you can use Second Chance as many times as you need as long as you do it before the head makes it back to the start which is about five minutes. Got it?"
He nods. He uses the Second Chance and looks confident. I sure hope confidence can get us through this.
"Good. Now get ready."
"What about Chat?" LB asks.
I pause and so does Aspik. I quickly say, "He's busy," then climb the ladder before they can ask questions.
We exit the manhole and clump behind a car. LB goes out first to scope it out but suddenly a yellow thing comes from the Eiffel Tower and poofs her.
"Fuck! Aspik, send us back," I order. He complies and I feel a vicious yank at my core. I feel like I'm being pulled through a Pringles tube filled with spikes and then I pop out back where I was when I finished explaining the Second Chance to Aspik.
"Okay. Wait, where's Chat?" LB asks. She looks fine. Aspik looks fine. Why do I feel like my organs were rearranged? And I remember what happened. LB got sniped by the Tower.
"He might be busy," Aspik suggests, looking at me weirdly. Fuck, he remembers but I'm not supposed to. He notices my confusion and discomfort. "Perruche? You okay?"
I wave him off. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine. Let's just get her this time."
They both give me weird looks but I fly up the manhole and bust through the ground. I hide behind a building, planning on ambushing her. I see the other two ascend and I wave them down. I sneak over to the roof and ready a knife. I throw the knife at Desperada, the little speck on the Tower, but a yellow ball stops it halfway. I fire up and start fighting her with projectiles and LB swings in and ties her hands.
But Desperada is tough and uses the yo-yo string to send LB flying into me. We collide and start falling. Desperada shoots LB then me. She poofs and I feel like I was shot with a 12 gauge again.
"ASPIK!" I bellow. Next thing I know, I'm being pulled through the tunnel again by my entrails. Like my soul is being pulled and my body is trying to catch up. Or maybe it's the opposite. I can't tell.
I land on my feet, gasping for air.
"Where's Chat?" LB asks, the exact same way as before. "Perry?" Fuck.
"I'm good."
"You don't look good," Aspik counters.
I take a deep breath and stretch despite my aching body. This is fine, I'll be fine.
"Let's just get her. I'm sure Aspik is getting tired of this."
~15~
How many times does it take to even get close to her? We've been here for what feels like forever. I can't escape. My body is sore from time travelling and from getting hit. I've had to block hits for Chat- Fuck, Aspik, multiple times in mulitple places. This isn't going well.
~30~
LB is down again. Desperada aims at Aspik and I jump in front of him. The yellow magic just brushes me before he brings us back. My hands rest on my knees, my breathing heavy. My chest hurts, my arms hurt, my legs hurt, my stomach hurts.
"You alright, Perry?" LB asks in concern.
"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine," I answer. "Just gimme a second." I turn the corner and empty my stomach again.
I don't know how much longer I can take this.
~78~
LB blocks a shot for me. Even though I've seen her get poofed 77 times now - yes, I'm keeping count but barely - I still flinch and feel a sense of failure in my soul. Aspik turns it back and again and the Devil's oesophagus pulls me through once more.
My knees are weak but I stay standing. Aspik's face is worried but I wave him off.
"Where's Chat?"
"Fuck him," I growl. "She's on the tower. LB, go left; Aspik, go right. I'll distract her."
Aspik winces at my anger at Chat, but still asks if I'm okay.
I groan at my pain in my chest and limbs and everywhere else. My headache is becoming a migraine. A bad one. "I'm fine. Let's just try again."
"How are you remembering the rewinds?" Aspik asks.
I shrug. "Gaurdian shit," I answer curtly before floating up the manhole. "I'll distract, you guys surround her." They nod and follow me up. 78th times the charm...
~153~
I've lost count at what number we're at. I have bigger issues. Like the fact my body feels like it's being ripped apart but compressed under immense pressure at the same time. How I'm still on my feet after that rewind, I will never know.
"Where's-"
"Fucking hell, Chat's busy, let's just go," I slur my words. "Aspik, I hope you're keeping track because I have lost all sense of time now." Then I float up without another word.
~1542~
My feet hit the ground again and I collapse when a searing cramping pain shoot through my stomach.
"Perry?" LB asks, worriedly. Lucky bitch doesn't even feel the effects. I mean, for her I was fine and then, BAM, I'm instantly in pain. "Whats wrong?"
"Just gimme a minute," I mumble, forcing myself off the ground and around the corner. I drop my transformation and sigh. "Mel, how you feeling?"
"I'm fine. I can keep going," she answers. "Can you?"
"I just needa way to get that bracelet off him."
"You'll defeat her," Mel softly encourages. "You're the stngest person I know. You can do this. You all can."
"I just hope- Fuck!" The cramp in my stomach comes back. Am I on my period? Has it been that long? Wait, is my body not rewinding? Am I aging while the other stay the same?
"Perry?" I hear LB's footsteps coming closer. She turns the corner before I can tell her not to, Mel quicky lies over and covers her mouth before she screeches my name in surprise. Her eyes are wide and I only nod, probably looking like hell.
"Hey babe," I whisper so Aspik can't hear.
LB's girlfriend-mode kicks in and rushes to me. "What's happening?"
"My fucking immunity to magic is fucking me up," I explain. I don't care. I'm too much pain to care about the consequences. I just need to get this of my chest. "You don't remember but I do and it fucking sucks. Also I think I'm on my period."
"What?" She tilts her head. "But it's only been a week since your last one."
I raise a brow at her. "We've been at this for a while, love," I say grimly. "We've failed hundreds of times. And it's been like three weeks in real time, based on my cycle."
She only hugs me while I catch my breath some more. "I have tampons," she offers. A let out a breath of relief and amusement.
"Of course you do," I giggle a bit. She pulls a tampon out of her yo-yo - 'cause it double as a purse - and gives it to me. "You're the best, I love you."
"I love you more."
After I'm done, I transform back and go to LB again. I give her a quick kiss before heading back around the corner to Aspik. Right as we do, I realize that if we win this time, Mari will know that I'm Perruche and... That can't happen.
We turn the corner and instantly I say. "Aspik, use Second Chance."
"What?" Both my partners ask in shock.
"As your Guardian, I order you to turn back time right now."
"No, wait!" LB tries but Aspik already turned the bracelet.
The pain comes back, and I wince as my feet hit the ground. I couldn't take any chances there.
~9268~
The time rewinds and I land flat on my back. I don't even try to get up.
"Perry? What happened?" LB asks, concerned.
I only sigh, wincing at the pain that makes my body flinch and twitch. "Just gimme a minute," I say. My voice is quiet and sore.
I wait thirty more seconds and then force my body up. I still haven't figured out a way to get that bracelet from him without raising suspicion. A this point, I'm thinking tht suspicion is unavoidable.
~13 003~
Desperada fires from the Effiel Tower and I duck behind a car. LB follows and Aspik stays behind the other car. I go left and LB goes right. I signal Aspik to stay where he is because I have zero hope of making it through this time. I'm starting to think that I'll have to wait until Aspik gives up. But, knowing Adrien, that might never happen. The kid never gives up.
Suddenly a yellow light fires at LB which she dodges. I fly to her immediately out of instinct and take a shot for her.
Aspik turns back the time and when we make it back I'm suddenly face down on the floor. My broken nose pressed against the concrete making my whole face contort in pain as well as my body.
~15 348~
This bitch is making me so mad. Time travel is making me sick, it feels like my organs are being pulled back into a brick wall at mach ten and my body is just being dragged along. Fuck I'm not having a good day. AND my nose is broken. What the fuck?
"I gotchu now!" I hear behind me. I dodge the 'sneak attack' and swing to punch her. She dodges and her fist somehow collides with my nose.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!" I shriek in pain. "IMA GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU!" Desperada's eyes fill with fear as I attack her with everything I've got. "ASPIK, SEND US BACK BEFORE I COMMIT MURDER!"
Aspik turns the time back for the 15,349th time and my punch misses Desperada's nose and hits the sewer floor. Bile rises in my throat. Here we go again...
~20,100~
How have I been awake for this long? Is time travelling keeping my stamina up? Because I can get up I just don't want to. If I'm down I'm down at this point.
My mind wonders for a moment when suddenly the amount of time makes something in my brain click. Wait...
"Aspik," I hold the hero back while LB goes up the ladder. "How many rewinds are we at?"
"Two-housand one-hundred," he answers. I quickly get the numbers organized in my head. Each rewind is a few minutes; times that by 20 100... I pull up a calculater on my knife-phone thing.
... It's almost my birthday. My eighteenth birthday. I mean, technically the date is the same but my body has been aging through this whole thing. My being is two months older.
We hear a scream cut short above us and Aspik gives me an apologetic look. I only give him a small nod before he turns back time again.
Happy birthday to me...
~25,913~
"STOP!!!" Everyone freezes. "For the love of God, please don't..." I've had enough. I'm putting an end to this. Fuck it.
"Perry, what's wrong? Are you okay?" LB asks.
"DO I LOOK FUCKING OKAY?!?" They flinch at my loud and harsh tone. "For the love of fuck, Adrien, we've been at this for THREE MONTHS!!! Everything hurts! Gimme the bracelet please, clearly this miraculous isn't meant for you." I grab his wrist and pull it off quite unceremoniously. Poor Sass groggily flies out and I catch him in my hand and place him in the crook of my neck. "Now go home, please. I can't take much more of this."
I ignore their confused looks and float off. I run into Plagg on th way. He looks worried. I shake him off. "Make sure Adrien knows not to do that anymore," I say softly, though the anger is very present. Plagg only hugs my cheek gently before fazing through the walls to Adrien.
As I'm floating - since my legs hurt too much to walk - I hear footsteps in front of me. Painfully, I look up.
Luka.
Thank the fucking lord.
"Perruche?" He suddenly becomes concerned and worried. "What's happening?"
"You're gonna be a hero, is what's happening," I say, forcing my spine to straighten. I hold out the Snake Miraculous. "Luka Couffaine, this is the Miraculous of the Snake. It grants the power of Second Chance. If you are willing, you will use it for the greater good and then give it back to me. Capiche?"
He nods and takes the bracelet. Sass shows up and explains the words and how to use the power to Luka but I barely listen. My head is throbbing, my heartbeat is pounding in my ears, my arms and legs feel limp and numb, and my heart feels like it's the rope in a tug-a-war between twenty WWA fighters.
Aqua-green light fills my vision and when I look up, Luka is there, looking so much better than Adrien.
"You got a name, hot-stuff?" I say, my words jumbled a tiny bit. My filter disintegrated about 3000 rewinds ago.
He chuckles. "Viperion," he answers. "Also, I'm gay."
"I know," I say casually. "Now let's find the others and kick her ass. And please," I pause, placing my hands in the begging motion. "Please, let's get this done as fast as possible."
"You got it, Perruche."
"Call me Perry."
I lead him back to where I left LB. Thankfully she's still there. So is Chat. It's takes everything in me not to beat his ass right then and there. My self-control is slipping, I'll admit.
"Guys, meet Viperion," I introduce. "Hopefully we can get this done in under twenty five thousand times."
"Twenty five thousand times?!" Both Viperion and LB say in shock. Chat pretends to be shocked but only looks guilty. As he fucking should.
"Yeah, let's aim for ten at most, okay? Okay," I don't actually wait for an answer. "Now here's the dealio: Desperada is sniping people from the Tower, so we need a plan around that. LB, we definitely need luck on our side."
She only nods, most likely knowing that I am not explaining anything more. She calls up the Lucky Charm and gets a saddle. Viperion looks slightly confused at the Charm but Chat and I are used to it at this point.
"Great, any ideas?" I ask.
"We need to take away her vantage point," LB suggests. "Follow me." We all run - well, I float - after LB until we reach the spot in the sewers where we can take out a leg of the Tower.
"Chat, if you would do the honors," I gesture to the wall.
He nods and uses his cataclysm on the wall. As the place crumbles, I grab each teammate and fly them to safety. Desperada falls to the ground and we use the dust as a cover.
"Any ideas, boss?" I ask LB.
She looks around before turning back to us. "Her weapons come from the case. We need to prevent her from using them then destry the case. You ready?"
"Viperion, please give us more time," I say suavely.
"Certainly, Perry," he says just as suavely back. "Second Chance!"
We all charge Desperada. She shoots at us but LB uses her yo-yo to deflect them. LB gets one of her arms and Chat goes to hit her but Desperada pulls LB by the yo-yo and makes them collide and I groan. Viperion rewinds time and I feel the torturous pull again.
"One," I wheeze out as my lung fill with air again.
LB goes to charge but Chat notices my discomfort and stops her. He must recognize my symptoms of time travel.
"What's up?" Chat asks.
"Try surrounding her," I suggest, breath a little shakey. They give me a worried look and I scowl. "I'm fine. Let's get her."
We surround her and I attack from above. I knock the horn pistols from her hand but she pulls out an axe and swing at LB and Chat. They poof away while the axe heads to me. I duck but she roundhouse kicks me straight in the head.
I feel the pull again and when I land, My knees buckle and blood starts pouring out of my nose again. "Mothefucker," I groan. "Two..."
"Perry?!" All three suddenly crouch around me.
"Fuck off," I growl, making them back off. I don't want their sympathy. I've been getting that look from Adrien for the past three months. "We need a distraction, so her focus isn't on us."
"I think you should take a break," Chat insists.
"Like I said," I stare straight into his eyes. "Fuck off. I'm fine." I force myself to stand and silently volunteer as distraction.
I go straight for Desperada and almost instantly get close enough to punch her. She manages to get a shot on my thigh and I cry out through my teeth. I charge again and we get into a vicious fist fight. Chat and LB can't even get close enough because we're fighting like savage, feral beasts. We both land punches and she gets my nose again.
"FUCK!" I scream. I'm about to go ape-shit on her when both of us are distracted by music. Viperion is absent mindedly playing his harp. I take the opportunity to attack Desperada again.
I get a few really good hits in before I'm greeted by the excruciating journey of being digested by Satan.
"Perry, You sure you're good?" Viperion asks me making the other two stop.
"Yeah, I'm fan-fucking-tastic," I groan. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Yeah. I think..."
"Great, fill them in," I gesture to Chat and LB.
As Viperion explains to them that Desperada is distracted by music, I take the opportunity to empty my stomach for the thousandth time. I am so dehydrated that I think I might die. My throat hurts from the acid, the head hurts from taking hits and the cosmic compression. This better be the last fucking time or else I'm going to commit murder.
"Make sense?" Viperion asks the two when he's done. They nod then all turn to me. "Perry?"
"Let's fucking gank this sonuva bitch," I seethe through my blood stained teeth.
Viperion jumps to the Tower while I fly overhead. LB takes her left and Chat is waiting with the saddle.
The snake hero starts playing music and Desperada aims at him. I knock her weapons from her with my knives before she can shoot. She goes to get another from her case, but LB gets her left arm, Viperion gets her right so she can't move. Chat rushes in and slides under her so the saddle is beneath her and takes out her legs. She collapses onto the saddle and I dive bomb the case. I body slam the fucking thing and it gets smashed.
The butterfly flutters out and LB purifies it. She conjures the cure and, like always, the magical ladybugs wash over everything but me. My nose is still gushing blood and my body feels like it should be dead.
Chat and LB fist bump then go to detransform. I grab Luka and drag him to an alley.
"Thank you for everything, Luka," I say as steady as I can.
"Glad I could help," he smiles before detransforming and giving Sass and the bracelet back to me. "You sure you're okay?" He asks as I tuck the bracelet back into my knife-purse thing. "I can help you to the hospital."
I wave him off. "I'm fine, really. Just need to sleep it off. Thanks again!" I fly off before he could ask any more questions, leaving him in the alley.
I need a fucking nap.
Third Person POV
Ladybug swings into an alley just as she destransforms. She sighs, worried about Perruche. She didn't look good after that battle.
Suddenly a gasp makes her whip her head around to a wide eyed Chat Noir. Some Perruche style words rush through both their brains at that moment.
They both stand there in silence as Chat's ring beeps one final time. Since both are frozen in shock, Chat's transformation wears off and now Marinette and Adrien are standing there in the alley, wide eyed, with only curse words running through their brains.
A few more moments pass until Adrien cracks. It starts with a giggle, then it becomes hearty laughter until he's full on cackling at the situation. Marinette soon joins in, reaching the same level of hysteria as her partner. Tikki and Plagg are floating above them looking very concerned for their holders' wellbeing.
"This explains so much!" Adrien gets out between laughs.
"I can't believe we never noticed," Marinette adds. "This explains so much about Y/N too!" Their laughter slowly calms down as they begin speaking.
"Can you believe how well she kept that secret?" Adrien asks.
"I mean, she knows every heroes' identity at this point," Marinette says. "I mean, she knows us, Rena Rouge, she even knows Carapace. I bet she knows Viperion too, if she saw him today."
Something clicks in Marinette's brain. "Oh my god..." Her head whips to meet Adrien's eyes. "I gave you to Snake Miraculous..." Adrien's face pales. "Why didn't you stop me?"
"Well, I couldn't reveal myself!" He argues. "I couldn't say 'no' for the sake of not revealing that I am already a hero, plus I don't want Ladybug thinking that I'd rather hide than help save people."
Marinette goes to argue but then stops. "Fair enough," she mumbles. Even she would do that for the same reasons. "Why did you keep it going for so long. Perry looked really bad by the end of it."
"I..." Adrien becomes incredibly guilty. "I couldn't give up. I kept failing and I wanted to redeem myself everytime." Marinette opens her mouth to speak but he cuts her off. "I know, I know. I shoulda stopped. I just... I couldn't stop knowing I was a failure. If Perry didn't rip it off my wrist then I probably never would have stopped."
Marinette sighs. "I get it. And I'm not mad. I'm sure Perry is pissed tough." They both chuckle lightly at that. "I'm sure Y/N would love to help you with perfectionism. She helps me with mine all the time."
"Really?"
"Sure!" Marinette smiles. "She's not only the world's best girlfriend, shes also the world's best friend in general. She'd be more than happy to help."
Adrien smiles. He knows how great of a friend Y/N is. She helped him with asking Luka out, with tough Akumas, with his dad. She is the best.
"Speaking of Y/N," Marinette continues. "Should we tell her about this? That we know about each other?"
Adrien thinks for a moment. "No," he smirks. "I wanna try to mess with her a bit. Revenge for all that she's done to us."
Marinette suddenly becomes michievious. "I like the way you think, Kitty Cat."
Marinette thinks for a moment. "Wait... She is really weird with Miraculous magic," she starts explaining to Adrien. "Like it works weirdly on her. Like, she could tell the difference between illusion and reality with Volpina, kinda weird. One of us would check if she's okay. I don't know time rewinds would affect her."
"I'll go," Adrien offers. "The whole Aspik thing makes me feel responsible for that."
"Fair point. Good luck. You'll need it."
"From you, that means a lot," Adrien jokes. "If I don't show up tomorrow to school tomorrow, check her closet for my body."
Marinette scoffs. "She's too smart to hide a body in the closet. If you're gone tomorrow, there's no finding you."
Adrien's face pals again. "Mind wishing a bit more luck?"
Marinette only laughs. "Go. I'll check on the guys on Liberty."
Adrien nods before transforming again and going to find Y/N. This should be interesting.
Y/N's POV
I lean against a lightpost, detransformed. Melody needed some food and I can't even move without flying. Melody suddenly hides in my hair, sensing something that I can't - or just don't have the energy to.
I hear the clink of a familiar metal baton behind me. Anger suddenly flows through my veins. I don't think I have the self-control to not attack him right now.
"Hey, Y/N," Chat says softly. I don't even look at him. "Are you okay?"
I turn aggressively to face him. My face is bruised and my nose is still trickling blood. He flinches at my appearance and guilt crosses his face.
"Well, thanks to a lovely person named Aspik," I give him a death glare. "Every rewind I was squeezed through time. Not like you or other people, no. You simply went back in conscious since you remember everything. The clock was simply rewound for others. All that time didn't even happen for them. For me? My concious and my body were sent back in time... everytime. Do you have any idea how excruciating that is? I lived an extra three months thanks to that little mixup of Miraculouses. I am now eighteen years old because my birthday passed in those three months."
Chat's cat-ears are folded back in fear and guilt. "I'm really sorry, Y/N," he says softly.
The anger slowly subsides. "Why did you keep it going for so long?" I ask, my voice cracking slightly.
"I... I kept failing my friends and... and I wanted to prove that I could do it. That I could succeed. I'm so sorry I put you through that."
Tears start pooling in my eyes. "I... Never do that again. Please." My body begins shaking with sobs. Chat instantly comes to hold me. His arms wrap around me and I wince, everything he touches hurting more than before. He readjusts so he's gentler. "Don't do that again."
"I won't," he assures me. "I promise."
We stay like that for a while; him holding me while I cry away as much pain as I can - which isn't much.
"How did you know about Aspik?" He asks softly.
Oh fuck... "I saw you fighting Desperada," I answer. "Knew it was you right away. Also, Plagg found me a couple of those rewinds and explained."
"Oh... I'm sorry."
"Stop saying that," I say sharply. "I don't need sympathy."
"What do you need?"
"A fucking nap."
He laughs. "How 'bout a lift home?" He asks.
"No that's okay," I quickly decline. "I need to walk off some of the pain."
"You promise you're okay?"
I give him a bitch-face. "If you don't go home home, I will force you there."
"Okay, okay, I'm going," he chuckles. "Goodnight, Y/N."
"Goodnight, you ass.. pick." This time he give me the bitch-face at my pun. I smile. For the first time in months, I smile. It feels weird.
After he leaves, the pain instantly comes back. The small bit of dopamine I had from talking with him disappearing rapidly. I transform and fly home. I wasn't lying when I said I need a fucking nap.
I stumble into my room, my transformation dropping as soon as my feet touch the floor. Melody says something, and I hear the other Kwamis come out and talk, but I don't get any words.
I stumble, probably tripping on nothing, and almost faceplant onto the floor. Luckily, I cushion my face with my arm, saving my very pained and bloody nose from hitting the floor. I don't get back up.
I hear a Kwami talk in my ear, it sounds like Melody. "Y/N, you should get up, that can't be good for your nose. "
"I'm not getting up until I die and whatever tiny fragment of soul I have left ascends from my body." My voice is muffled by the floor but I don't have any fucks left to give. I feel too sick, too much pain. Bleh.
Suddenly, by my ear, there is a flurry of motion. What the hell are the kwamis doing?
My question is answered almost immediately. A thud sounds from behind me, like feet hitting the floor. I know that sound all too well from when I flopped into my room after an Akuma battle. The kwamis must have been moving the miracle box out of sight.
"Hi Y/- why are you on the floor?"
"Hi, love. HOw are you this lovely night?" I mumble from my position face down on the floor. I'm pretty sure I've been on the floor for a while now.
"Y/n," LB crouches next to me. "That can't be good for your nose at all."
"Oh is it? I didn't know," I mumble sarcastically. I hear her sigh, and she lays her hand on my back.
I sense her transformation drop as she asks, "Why, exactly, are you on your floor like this?"
"Because I feel like shit and want to die."
"You- no. Don't say that."
"Let me die."
"If you die, I'll kill you."
"Okay, here's my obituary."
Mari sighs, grabbing a pillow and laying down on the floor beside me. We lay there for a minute, in comforting silence.
"You're lucky I love you," Mari mutters. Louder, she asked, "So, why exactly are you on the floor?"
"Because time rewinds suck ass. I feel like I'm about to vomit or implode. I'm not sure which first." I sigh. I don't want to move.
"What do you mean by time rewinds? What happened today? And why don't you try to get up, get onto your bed?" Mari grabs a pillow and throws it down by my head. "At least roll over so you aren't mashing your nose into the floor. It's already broken enough."
I groan, rolling over with Mari's help. She pushes my shoulder over onto the pillow and I try hard to hide my wince. I'm glad this pillow was so fucking big, my shoulders and head and everything in between all fit on it.
I'm about to slowly start answering Mari's questions, but she gasped softly and brushed her fingers on my cheek, near my nose. "Y/n, why does your nose look worse than it did earlier? I- is that blood?"
Oops. There was blood on my face and I didn't realize it. I probably should have guessed. Also, Mari didn't even make the connection that Perruche got punched in her already-broken nose, just like me. Miraculous magic is pretty funky, ain't it?
I squeezed my eyes shut. If I didn't see the world, maybe it wouldn't exist. "I got punched again. Your new friend with the Snake Miraculous went back in time a few thousands of times. Turns out time rewinds don't work on me right. I got punched in the face by Desperada a couple of times. And going back feels like my organs are being yanked through my spine."
Mari withdrew her fingers from my face, leaving me lowkey kinda sad. Her hands were cool and soothing, which made my inflamed nose feel nice. "You should clean up your nose, Y/n. At least try to help it heal."
"Ugh, fine," I cave into her kindness. Mari grabs a wet cloth and begins dabbing my nose free of blood. "Oh, by the way, did you know that since the magic didn't work on me right, I actually had my period each of those months."
"Wait, really?" Mari becomes worried.
"Also, I am now eighteen," I smirk. "I am now the oldest in our friend group."
Mari pauses her movements. "How does that even work?"
"You all were stuck in those five minutes each time Aspik second chanced it, but my body was aging that whole time. My body and soul went back in time, rather than just my soul going into my past body. Quite bizarre if you think about it."
Mari only sighs and resumes dabbing my nose. "You concern me love," she breathes.
I laugh lightly. "I'd be surprised if I didn't."
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I'M ALIVE!
I'm so so so so so sorry for the delay. School is a priority.
Anyway, that's really it. Hope you all enjoyed this episode.
BYEEEEEEEEEE! MUAH<3