Chapter 24 - Irresistible
The car journey with Ryan was basically silent, apart from the silent hum on music in the background.
IrresistibleSeeing my mum really had caught me off guard, and Ryan could tell. I knew that he wasn't saying anything because he knew I needed the car journey to calm down and compose myself.
I was so angry that she had just walked into my home like it didn't mean a thing. I was angry that she clearly knew i was avoiding her and yet still decided to turn up.
Could she not tell that i was ignoring her letters for a reason, and that reason was that i was completely and utterly uninterested in being in her life at all.
When we got there, Ryan walked in, talking to a couple of the waiters.
It seemed like he knew a couple of people there by name, this must be a restaurant he goes to a lot.
I had only been here a couple times before, but it was really nice. It was an italian restaurant, and quite a classy one at that.
'It's nice here' I said, looking around and smiling at the waitress as she placed the menu in front of me.
'And she speaks' he joked, smirking at me across the table. 'Are you okay?' he asked, slightly more sincerely now.
I smiled sadly, looking down at the menu as if i was reading all the dishes. 'I'm fine' I lied, avoiding all eye contact with him.
He sighed, looking down at his own menu.
After we ordered he spoke again. He acted as if he cared, and he wasn't being his normal obnoxious cocky self.
'I know you're not okay' he spoke, 'Speak to me about it'. He kept his stare on me.
I shrugged, looking up and looking at him directly for the first time since we sat down. 'I just hate her' I told him. My words surprised even me.
My mother really had fucked me up though.
She was definitely to reason i could be so closed off, and why I used sarcasm as me way of coping with situations.
'What is the situation with her?' he asked cautiously, clearly worried that his question had struck a chord with me.
I sighed contemplating if i should tell him or not. The only other people that knew about my mum properly, other than myself and my dad, were Sarah and Nicholas.
But the look he was giving me somehow made me trust him, and talking about it would probably help.
Because lets face it, Ryan was the second best thing i had to Sarah right now and she wasn't here.
I cleared me throat, fidgeting in my seat slightly before i spoke.
'7 years ago' I started, playing with my fingers nervously but making sure i kept my gaze locked on Ryan, 'My mum walked out on me and my Dad'
He sat back in his chair slightly, motioning for me to continue by nodding at me.
'It was very sudden and completely unexpected for me and my Dad. He thought she still loved him and i thought she was the best Mum in the world' I laughed bitterly, the words sounded ridiculous.
Best Mum in the world, As if.
What mother leaves her daughter when she is ten years old.
'Thats shit' he said, shaking his head. 'So you haven't forgiven her?'
'No, because she has never properly apologised to me. For the first five years all she did was send me birthday cards, there wasn't one phone call or one letter'. I realised i was clenching me fists, and i released them, taking a calming deep breath.
Ryan's eyebrows were pulled up in a concerned as he listened to me.
'And now' i carried on, suddenly aware of how much i was talking and feeling slightly awkward, 'She keeps sending me letters, saying how important it is for us to talk it out and make up' I scoffed.
'That sounds intense' He said, 'What are you going to do then?'
The waitress came to our table at the moment, placing out plates in front of us. I was secretly relieved i didn't have to answer his question because i didn't actually know what i was going to do.
I told the waitress thank you but she didn't acknowledge me at all, but instead her eyes lingered a second too long on Ryan for my liking.
It wasn't that i cared that she was looking at him, but it was the fact that to anybody in this restaurant it would seem as if Ryan was my boyfriend and we were on a date. And yet she still hard the nerve to eye him up right in front of my face.
I rolled me eyes, and he laughed at me, making me giggle along with him. The waitresses smile wiped off her face, and she basically stormed off in a huff.
'Some people', he rolled his eyes, smirking. 'I guess i'm just irresistible'
I laughed a little louder this time, snorting occasionally.
'Oh come on!' he moaned, 'You were jealous, admit it'
I stayed silent, knowing that arguing with him would just rile him up even more. I couldn't help but smile slightly though. It was one of those situations where all you want to do is keep a straight face and yet you can do anything but that.
'You're smiling' he yelled, pointing at my mouth like a little child.
'Shhh!' I giggled, noticing a few people around the restaurant who were now looking at us.
'See, you can't deny it!' he continued to yell, the grin on his face was growing.
I brought my hand up to cover my face, which was now as red as a beetroot. I was so embarrassed by everybody looking at us but i just couldn't stop laughing.
Ryan sat back in his seat, as if he had just achieved something. He looked like a child who had been nagging his mother for an ice-cream all day and she had just said yes.
His childish grin only made me smile too. Everybody around the restaurant had turned back to what they were doing now.
'Thanks for this' I said, eating some pasta.
'For what?' he asked, also tucking into his food.
'Cheering me up' i mumbled, not wanting to say it loudly. Saying it out loud was like admitting the boy i had always thought was a massive asshole was actually not what I thought he was.
And i hated being wrong.
'So what is going on with you at the moment?' i asked, changing the subject to him. I felt like we had spent the whole dinner speaking about me and i felt bad.
'Not much', he shrugged casually. 'My Dad wants me to get this sports scholarship to this university'
'Well do you want that?' i asked, convinced his answer would be no. He didn't exactly look excited when he spoke about it.
'No' he continued, 'But my dad.. Well, he won't exactly take no for an answer. He has wanted me to get this scholarship since the day i was born.' He sighed.
'Don't do it Ryan. Do what you want to do'
He looked at me, and a small smile appeared on his face.
'What?' i said, smiling back. 'Do i have something on my face?'
I brought my hand up to feel around on my face to check if there was a bit of pasta on my lips.
'No, no' he laughed, 'it's just that nobody has ever really told me to do what i want to do before'
I went to open my mouth, but closed it again once i realised that i had no clue what to reply to that. We just sat there like two morons smiling at each other.
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I sat outside my house in his car after he drove me home.
Ryan had paid for the dinner, and we spent the rest of the evening talking mainly about all the dance lessons we had and when he had tripped up or messed up a move.
He, of course, had defended himself by saying he did all that on purpose and that he was 'the best dance studio to grace that dance studio, let alone the world'.
I was staring at the house, trying to work up the courage to go in.
'You know you can stay at mine' Ryan spoke, interrupting my train of thought.
I turned towards him giving him a grateful smile. 'Thanks Ryan' i nodded, 'But I can just avoid her until for the time being until i decide what the fuck I'm going to do'.
He laughed at me, and nodded, understanding exactly what i was saying.
'See you tomorrow then' he spoke, gripping the wheel slightly and coughing slightly awkwardly. I felt like there was a slight tension between us and i just couldn't tell why.
'Thanks for tonight' I got out the car, 'I had a nice time'
I closed the door, walking up the pathway that my mum stood on when i drove away.
I creeped through the door, and practically ran to my room as soon as i got in the car. I made sure that i avoiding my mum who was sleeping in the spare room opposite me.
Really? Could she not book a hotel or something?
As soon as i got to my bedroom i sighed in relief that i had successfully avoided her for the entire evening.
Tomorrow wouldn't be so easy.
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Authors Note:
Wow i haven't updated in like 4 days thats like a record for me, sorry people.