The Rogues

32- The light

Dominic

A hand reached towards me, carving its fingers through a coruscate radiance that submerged the world around me with a luminous white glow, as if I were inside the flame of a wax candle. I couldn't see anything but the light and that hand.

The soft thin fingers of the hand clasped together in a hesitant gesture, the melody of a seraphic voice ensued. A familiar voice "No." she said "No this isn't right. Not yet."

The moment the words escaped from the light, I knew who it was. Her tone was low and husky, like gravel on charred cement or grounded coffee beans, something that I carried a hint of in my voice as well. But...but it couldn't be.

"Mother?" I asked hesitantly as I was talking to a void, but the clearer it became something was there. She was there.

I still saw nothing but the hand and the glow forthwith, though the tanned tone of her skin filled my memories in an instant. How could this be? How was this her?

"Dom." Her voice lifted with a sweet tune.

"Mother!" I said again, this time louder. My voice echoed endlessly off the invisible walls of the foggy light, reaching far away then slinging back into my ears. "How...how? Is it really you?"

The voice said nothing, but I knew the answer. It was. It had to be.

"Mom please! Please come closer...I...I wanna see your face." It had been so long, I had almost forgotten what she looked like. I knew I shared her skin and marine blue eyes, but I had almost forgotten the color of her hair. Was it light brown or blonde? I hated myself for not being able to remember. I had to see her again. If this was her in front of me, I needed to see her face.

"Not yet my dear." Her words rushed off her tongue like the waves of the ocean. A controlled tide of bittersweetness. "You don't belong with me."

"Of course I belong with you! I did what you said...I tried....I tried to be strong. I did what I could. I lived by your words."

"And living by my words you shall succeed doing. But not here my darling." My darling. How I missed hearing her say that. Only her could bring me back to that innocent kid I once was.

"But I want to be with you. It's been so long...I haven't gone a day without thinking of you." I moved closer, and the hand pulled back for a moment. This was her, I knew it. My heart should have leaped in excitement, but I felt no beat. Odd.

"It's not your time." She said, her voice pursuing an even greater echo.

Not my time? This was nothing but a dream. Only a dream. But not once has any of my dreams felt so real, and I vividly dreamt every night.

I felt her soft hand touch the side of my cheek, and a spark lit with it. This was the touch of my mother. The same touch that hugged me close everynight before bed, that pulled me near when I felt afraid, and that cupped my cheek the night she died. Maybe I didn't want to see her face, I'd be afraid I'd see the look in her eyes moments before her life was ripped away. That bleeding agony, that loud cry for help that seemed to reflect silence in my fathers ears. I didn't want to experience that...not again.

"Not yet my darling, not yet." Her touch left, and a shiver of coldness ran down my back. The hand started to fade into the light, becoming nothing but a blur.

"No!" I reached out my arm, clasping hold of my mothers gentle fingers. "I don't want you to leave..please. I have so much I need to tell you. So much. Don't go."

"I'm not the one whos going."

"I've missed you. So much. So much you don't even know."

"Of course I know, I've missed you too. So much that a part of me resigns in you. So much in me is in you...my spirit needs to be carried, and you can't carry it here." She moved farther back, my grasp on her hand tighter, more eager. She couldn't leave me. Not now. Not like this. I wouldn't abandon this moment being reunited after going every day missing her more.