𝐵𝑢𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑓𝑙𝑦 𝐷𝑒𝑝𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 // 𝑗𝑗𝑘, 𝑦/𝑛, 𝑘𝑡ℎ

57

In that moment, my heart ached to see them just one more time. I just wanted to see their smiles, just once more. Just hear their giggles and laughs, once more.

The third empty chair.

Was the table next to the wall.
Jimin.
He didn't take it too well either. Telling him what happened, broke my heart even more. He was depressed. He missed y/n and Jungkook, so much. I remember how he cried every day. He couldn't take it anymore.

His parents knew that they didn't have a life here anymore. They'd have to start again. Jimin needed a fresh start. So they moved away.

Jimin left me a month after it all happened. I remember the day he left. It was horrible. We both needed one another, and separation was too hard. He cried into my shoulder, just as I did into his. Waving goodbye to him as he left in his car was the most catastrophic thing I had to ever do in my life.

We hadn't spoken since then. His parents really wanted Jimin to leave all this behind him, so they took his phone away and gave him a new one. They didn't tell me where they went to, and lost all contact with me.

I was alone.

All alone.

I still am.

Mr.Namjoon didn't take the news well either. He became especially more vigilant with his students. He wasn't ready to take another chance. Regret is all he felt, for not helping her when he could have.

Maybe that's why he wasn't in today. He couldn't bare coming into school and remembering the girl he had failed.

I heard the bell ringing, and that signalled the end of the day for us students. I walked to the back of the gym and entered the secret garden we used to hang out at. I went there everyday after school and sat on the right side of the bench.

It might seem odd, but I would sit there and close my eyes. I would imagine y/n sitting on the left side as usual, and doing her work, or listening to music. Just relaxing next to me like we used to.

Those five minutes of relaxation were really the best moments of my day. Because that was our thing. And it felt so real, and so comforting. In those moments, I could finally breathe.

Until I had to wake up to reality. Then the hurt came pouring back in like a river. I got up and left the school. I called the driver to take Niki home. I had some things to do.

I walked slowly to the graveyard. It was near our school. With heavy steps, I finally reached the gates. For some reason, going there in the daylight made it harder. It just felt so wrong.

Sleeping in the day.

That's what Jungkook was doing. I had convinced myself that he was asleep. Just resting.

I knew exactly where he was buried. Walking carefully, I finally stood in front of him. Looking at the gravestone, I read his name. I hadn't been able to say his, or her name since it happened. I just couldn't.

But it's been a year. I should try.

I bent down and placed the flowers I had got for him, next to his grave. The sun was trying to pour out onto us, but the clouds kept covering it. I sat down slowly and leaned onto his gravestone.

I closed my eyes and breathed in the air. I was alone. I could do this. I needed to do this.

But it would be hard do. Even though my eyes were closed, the tears still managed to escape. Lately I hadn't been able to cry, because I was too dehydrated to. But I was just really sad that day. I needed to cry.

I sounded like a pained child, but that's all I was. Just a kid with a broken heart.
"Hey ... Jungkook."

One sentence in, and I was already breaking down. I covered my mouth as I gasped into my hand, trying to calm my panicking down.
"I miss you. I really miss you. It's been a year you know? A year since you left me. I'm so lonely without you. I'm so fucking depressed ... but anyways. I'm not here to pity myself. I'm here because I wanna remember all the fun we used to have. Water fights, jokes, messing around. The way you'd comfort me whenever I was down. And I did the same to you. We were supposed to graduate together this year. Don't you remember? We made a promise. We were gonna run away and start our own business. Why didn't you wait for me? ... I knew you were hurting ... and I did nothing to help you. I knew things weren't good for you. But I did nothing to help. That's my fault. That's on me. So I wanted to know if you would forgive me?"

No answer.

I cried into my arm. I don't know why I did that. I never understood why I still spoke to them, as if they'd actually reply. As if I could actually hear their voices just one more time.

"It's okay if you don't. I just hope you're happy now. I hope you're finally in peace, in your rest. I hope you know that I always loved you, and I still do. I hope you know that I never hated you. You had your flaws, just like everyone had theirs. You made your mistakes, but you also asked to be forgiven. But all you asked ... was to be loved. I'm sorry I never realised that. I'm sorry that I never tried."

I felt a little better. This was the first time that I came to him, and let it all out. He was a good listener. Not only now, but also before his .. death.

I decided to think of a nicer time. Not everything had to end on a sad note with him. I laughed through my tears as I recalled a key moment in our friendship.
"Do you remember that one time we went out to watch a movie that you didn't want to see? What was it? Ahh ... I think it was an animated movie. A kids movie. You were so annoyed, but you came for my sake. Then you cried. Oh I remember! I remember how you cried! And I just laughed at you. Wow ... that was the first time I ever saw you cry in front of me. You never watched another animated movie again. It really feels like so long ago."

The birds chirped around me as I took a deep and final breath.

"I love you. And I hope to see you again one day. It gets lonely, but I'll try to be happy. I'll try to be happy for you. I'm sorry that I haven't come to visit you. But I'm gonna try and get better. I'm gonna come here and talk to you. I'll keep you company, don't worry. I just have to go see another friend now. I'll see you soon."

I stood up and smiled at him. Even though he probably couldn't see. It was a forced smile. Of course I wasn't happy. I was miserable without him. Yet, I didn't want to upset him anymore. He'd been through enough.

I waved at him,"Goodbye Jungkook. I love you."

🦋..there's still more..🦋