Lost To Darkness (CallMeKevin Fanfic)

Chapter 1: Nina Rivers

*Just wanna mention that this will have Triggers Included like mentions of R*pe and S*lf-H*arm, I will let you know when the triggers happen so if you're sensitive to those then don't read but hope you enjoy another CallMeKevin fanfic because I love him and there's not enough fanfics about him so enjoy!*

(Nina's Pov)

I don't understand...I don't get it...I was finally feeling better and now I'm back to square one...I don't know how much longer I can take...I can't do this...I don't know what to do...the bills are gonna pile up, I'm gonna run out of food...not that I can eat much anymore these days but I can't even step a foot out of my apartment anymore...I can't...I just can't...I don't know what to do...and to think I was getting better and now I'm just lost to the darkness again...

Sorry, I should probably introduce myself, my name is Nina Rivers and I'm not your average 23 year old girl living in the wet darkness that is of Cork, Ireland. I love it cause not only is it far far away from my hometown Utah, but it fits perfectly with my mood because my life has been nothing but a state of darkness.

I have short brown hair and bright brown eyes, I like to read, write, listen to music and sing. Growing up for me wasn't great as my parents gave me up for adoption which already sucked right from there. I was basically put in a foster home for all my life cause I guess no one wanted me...

When I was old enough to learn that I was in a foster home, I always thought about my parents and why they didn't want me which always made her me sad because I don't understand...I don't know what I did to deserve this or what I did wrong for them to just abandon me...

However...life just seemingly got worse from there as when I was 10 not only was I bullied by some of the other kids but I was also raped by one of my older foster brothers...he was 16 at that time and that went on for 3 years which feared and scarred me for life...

He'd always find some excuse to get me alone whether it was in his room, a closet, my room, the bathroom...he took advantage of me and I wanted to scream and cry...I begged him to stop, I begged him to just stop but he didn't and would hurt me if I told anyone...

I wanted to tell someone so bad but I feared getting hurt and getting kicked out of the one place I was fed and taken care of...and everyday was a constant state of fear and paranoia...I didn't leave my room, I didn't eat, I couldn't sleep...I always cried and had nightmares if I did sleep...

Every single day I could still feel him...I feel his hands on my fragile body, his hands around my mouth to stop me from screaming and crying...his mouth on all over my body...I can't tell you how many times I've vomited due to the gross feeling I felt...No matter how many times I took a bath or shower the feelings never went away and now I can't look at myself of my body ever again without bursting into tears...

But eventually when I was 14, I couldn't do it anymore and I ran away from my foster home...I didn't know where I was going but I just couldn't be in that awful place anymore...Every day was a constant fear of humans and human touch and everyday I was in constant pain and broke down any time I could get...I just couldn't do it anymore...

However, one day a nice old lady spotted poor little Nina and was nice enough to take me home. I trusted the old lady by the name Beth, and eventually I told everything that happened and Beth who lived alone at the time let me stay with her until I was able to get back on my feet.

It was a hard adjustment at first with the constant nightmares and flashbacks but Beth, who I considered family has always been there for me and I can't thank her enough. So slowly but surely I started to feel better enough to get a job and save up some money to start a new life...

When I turned 18, I managed to find a pretty sedentary job working as a Shelf Stocker until I got enough money to move out. I've always liked Ireland so I found a pretty affordable place in Cork. I bought myself a passport and after another year, I was able to move out...Unfortunately Beth passed away due to just old age which left me extremely sad and depressed because she was all I had to family.

But when I had enough money, I moved to Cork, Ireland...However...it wasn't what it seemed as all my fears came back and the one thing I feared the most was being alone...but now I was truly alone in a whole new country where I didn't know anything or anyone...

I constantly feared everything and everyone, I feared men, I was already extremely shy and antisocial and I'm now just so paranoid to leave my house most times...eventually my nightmares came back but I was all alone and had no one to help,

So unfortunately the only thing that helps is hurting myself...I don't want to but I can't help it...I'm all alone, I can't handle the people...what am I supposed to do? I don't have friends, a family...I'm so so alone and I just feel so lost in all this darkness...and I don't think I'll ever get better...

(Yikes...enjoy?)

(1000 Words)