Seeing You

Happy

Quinn hugged me close, her laughter in my ear, happy tears falling onto my cheek. Rory and Gabe had made a hasty retreat to help with Harvest Festival celebrations leaving me with a hugely emotional and overexcited Quinn. 

She was still the same feisty ball of energy that I'd always loved and as she squeezed me closer, I knew she was trying to tell me it would all be ok. For the first time in a long time, I was starting to believe that it could be.

I'd started speaking to the doctor who had hastily referred me to another counsellor who dealt with Generalised Anxiety Disorder, PTSD and other mental health conditions. I was diagnosed with the two and when it was explained to me, I realised that I should have dealt with this a long time ago. I'd been started on a low dose anti-depressant and even though it was still early in the process, I began to feel better.

When I woke in the morning, instead of feeling dread and inner monologues telling me how worthless I was, I found myself focusing on the good things. The warmth of the bed, the feeling of Gabe curled into my back, his arm wrapped around my waist.

"God, I've MISSED you!" Quinn squeaked, showing her emphasis with an extra squeeze. I smiled at her as she let me go and patted her hands.

"I can tell," I laughed as Quinn dragged her bags into the living room, opening them up and pulling out makeup bags and costume pieces. 

"Uh.. Quinn, what are you doing?" I asked, backing away slowly.

Quinn eyed me, "It's the Harvest Festival, Pete. We're going to do what we do at every Harvest Festival."

I shook my head, "No way! Come on, Quinn! We're adults now, we don't have to do this, do we?"

Quinn frowned, "Of course we do. It's like the law of Harvest Festival. Also, Nan would want you to do this. You know how much she loved this Festival."

A tight belt appeared around my chest and I blinked back tears, "I know, she did."

Quinn hurried over to me, bundling me into her arms, "I'm so sorry, Pete."

I blinked the tears away, "No, it's fine. You're absolutely right. Nan would love this. So, let's do this."

Quinn looked at me, still looking exactly like she did at school, "Brilliant."

We smiled at each other and she dragged me over to a chair, sitting me down and opening up makeup cases. She rubbed some cream onto my face and I closed my eyes. 

"So. You and Gabe, huh?"

I peeked an eye open at her, " Wow, you lasted longer than I thought."

Quinn scoffed, "Come on, Pete! I'm dying here, what's happening?"

I smiled and closed my eye again, "I'm happy. He's staying in the village and is leaving University. He's going to be a writer."

Quinn's hands stilled on my face, "Wow."

"Wow?"

Quinn's hands began to move again and I felt a soft sponge on my skin, "Yeah, wow. I'm so glad for you, Pete. The wow is because, well, to be honest I never thought you'd forgive him. I thought you would stay mad at him forever."

I felt a pang of guilt in my chest, "I'm that bitter, huh?"

"No! You've had a lot happen to you in a small space of time to pretty much every one that you loved or cared about. Back in school, everyone saw how Gabe looked at you. We all knew how he felt, hell, even Mac did. Why do you think Sadie was still pissed at you? Then, when you let your heart open and let Gabe in, he hurt you. I just didn't think you'd ever let him in again. I'm glad you did though. He looks at you like you hung the moon."

I blushed and Quinn squealed, "That's so cute!"

I sat in silence as she worked, "Wait, did you talk about what happened at the party?"

I told her what Gabe and I had discussed, how Sadie had given him a drink that had left him disorientated and confused, how he'd lost his phone and hadn't sent me the messages. Quinn sucked air through her teeth angrily. 

"Oh, when I see that girl I'm going to..to.."

I burst out laughing," Are you so angry you can't even think of the words?"

Quinn huffed, "Shut up! I just hate the idea of someone meddling with other peoples lives. It's such an invasion of privacy."

Another pause as Quinn ran a small brush over my eyelids, "Have you heard from Mac?"

I kept my head still instead of shaking it, "No. Not since what happened at Nan's house when he offered to save Gabe from my particular brand of crazy."

Quinn swore under her breath and I laughed again, "Don't be angry, Quinn. It isn't worth it. Let's just get ready and go to the Festival. I'm really looking forward to seeing what it looks like."

Quinn sprayed something onto my face, "Open."

I opened my eyes and looked into the mirror she held, "Wow. Quinn!"

I was a pumpkin, just like Nan used to dress us up in but Quinn had done it completely differently. My makeup was perfect, my eyes smokey with small streaks of orange across the lids. I had a dark red/orange lipstick on and at the top of my cheekbone was a small pumpkin drawing.

"It's amazing," I smiled at Quinn as she reached into her bag and pulled out a dress bag.

"Put this on, we have," she glanced at her watch, "Twenty minutes before we have to meet Rory and Gabe."

I nodded and headed upstairs, leaving Quinn to apply her makeup. I dressed quickly and thought about what she said about Gabe. I waited for the voices, the malingering feeling to come and when it didn't, I smiled. 

This is what happy feels like.