Seeing You

How come it is?

"Petey," Nan tapped softly on the door. 

I groaned, rolled over in bed and pulled the covers over my head. 

"Go away,Nan," I mumbled. 

Nan tapped again gently on the door, "He's here again. He wants to talk to you."

I remained silent, barely breathing. My phone vibrated. I knew it was him. I bit my lip, I wanted to see him but every time I pictured his face, all I could see was him and Sadie on his couch.  I heard Nan move from the door and pad softly down the stairs. There was some noises then I heard the front door close. 

I pulled the covers down and stared at the ceiling. I felt sick, an increasing gnawing sensation in the pit of my stomach. It was the 5th, Gabe left today.

I headed to the bathroom and had a shower then dressed in dark jeans and a thick green jumper. I fidgeted, looking at my phone that I had put screen down on my bedside table. I hadn't spoken to anyone. Quinn had come to see me the day after the party, furious at Gabe. She swore so much that Nan had to tell her off, I had tried to suppress my laughter, I had never heard Quinn swear so profusely. In the end, Nan had managed to stop Quinn from planning a pillage of Gabe and Sadie's houses and calmed her down. I had cried so much, my eyes stung. 

I opened my curtains and the window, letting the cold winter air in. I breathed deeply. I wanted to go the loch but I was worried I would see Gabe.

Something tapped on my window. Then again.

I stopped. A small pebble sailed through my open window and landed on my notebook. Someone was throwing stones at my window. I peeked out. 

Gabe was gaunt, stubble on his chin and dark shadows under his eyes. His black hair was jammed under a dark blue hat. He was wearing a black duffle coat and jeans. 

I was torn between rage and wanting to run down the stairs, open the door and run into his arms. Anger won. Anger always does. 

"What are you doing here?" I hissed down at him, not wanting to alarm Nan. 

"Pet..Petra, thank God," he gasped. 

"Go away, I told you. I don't want to see you," I reached out and grabbed the window.

"No wait! Please, please. Let me talk to you," Gabe said desperately. 

"What do you want to talk about Gabe? Sadie? The fact you kissed her? The fact you lied to me?"

Gabe ran his hand over his face, "God, I'm so sorry. Can you come down?"

"No."

"Petra, I have to leave in an hour. I don't want to go like this. I can't leave you like this. I meant what I said to you."

"No you didn't, Gabe. If you did then you wouldn't have been with Sadie. You let me down. You promised you wouldn't. I am not letting you do it again."

"Please, Petra. I didn't know what happened. I got drunk, really quickly but I don't know why, I'd only had one beer. I was dizzy. I was trying to lie down, I thought I was on my bed."

"I don't need a blow by blow account of what happened with you and Sadie. I just want you to go," I pulled the window closed. 

Pebbles rained down on the window. I swore. I put on my DMs and went downstairs. Nan was in the living room talking to John. I went into the kitchen and opened the door into the garden. Gabe turned around at the noise and his eyes widened when he saw me. 

"Petra!" He walked quickly over to me, reaching out to me.

I stepped away from his outstretched arms, "Don't you dare."

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry," He dropped his arms down to his sides. 

"I didn't come down to talk to you. I'm here because I am going to say something and I want, no I need you to listen."

Gabe shoved his hands into his pockets and looked at me. I tore my gaze from his grey eyes, so full of sadness. 

"Go to London, Gabe. Leave me alone. I let you in, I told you things that even Mac didn't know and I stood up for you when he said you wouldn't change. I defended you. You promised me that you had and that you wouldn't let me down. You did," I felt my lip tremble.

"Go. I don't want to see you again. I don't want to hear from you again. You have broken me," I opened the door.

"Petra, I can't. You know how I feel about you, I'm not giving up. This can't be it," Gabe said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Then how come it is?" I went back into the house and closed the door. 

                                                                                           ***

The remainder of January came and went, taking Gabe with it. 

He was gone.