You'll be the Death of Me

Chapter 104

Neville chewed on the end of his nail as he re-read what was expected of him when he officially asked Graces to formally court. Apparently, him asking earlier wasn't proper. There was actually a particular way he was supposed to ask, an actual sequence of words he was supposed to say as well as a gift he was supposed to give. It also should have been done in the presence of one of her family members. There were also rules about the formal attire he was to wear and the colors that would be appropriate. Graces had delicately written a note on some of her stationary and tucked it into that chapter- apparently she had a preference for how his robes should be fitted and what colors she thought would showcase his features best. He shook his head and wondered at how much willpower it had taken Graces to bite her tongue and not point this all out when he had asked originally.

He held her note and prayed that tonight was going to go well. She and McGonagall were going to Higgs Manor to talk to John and Alethea and his stomach was in knots over it all. He knew that Graces was going to be safe, that McGonagall would never allow harm to come to her, but his mind kept drifting back to October. He felt like he should be going with her, McGonagall was going as a cat, he had asked if she could transform him so he could go too, but she was very firm on his not coming.

It was stupid. Him being there couldn't do anything. McGonagall was far more capable than he at keeping Graces safe if something went wrong. But the thought of her being far from him, in a place where he could not get to her made him sick with worry. If something happened in the castle he could get to her. He would get to her. Nothing would stop him from finding her and making sure she was safe, but he was helpless if she was so far from him.

I can't watch her every second of the day because I'm scared. That's not what Graces would want, that's not how I want to be.

Neville closed his eyes for a moment before flipping the page to continue reading. As he continued to read about what he would need to do to join with Graces he considered what he wanted after they were joined. He didn't want to be the kind of husband that felt the need to go everywhere Graces did, that checked on her, that thought because he was a man he was somehow responsible for her safety. He and Graces were to be equals, they would keep each other safe.

"What are you reading?"

Neville looked up at Hermione, the background of the common room continuing on around them as she moved to sit next to him on the windowsill. There was a hesitancy in her presence, but she continued to wait patiently for his reply.

"Go away."

"Neville," Hermione pleaded. "I know I made a mistake, but I want to make it right. You won't even look at me. I can't say a word to you without you becoming hostile towards me. How long is this going to go on?"

"Forever."

"You're going to hate me forever?" Hermione demanded, raising and dropping her hands in the air. "Forever."

Neville flipped to the middle of the book so Hermione couldn't see that he was reading about courting. "I don't hate you. I wouldn't devote that much energy into feeling something for you."

Hermione stilled at the words, but Neville didn't look up to see her reaction to them properly. He had learned a few things from Graces over their months together and feigning indifference over hatred was definitely a better move. It allowed more control, while the other person was left feeling more out of control. So with this in mind he pretended to be especially interested in his book and waited for Hermione to leave.

"You sound like Graces."

Neville snorted. "Graces would say she hates you and then blatantly list all her reasons why. She thrives on animosity. It invigorates her."