the feeling of worthlessness; hoseok centric

2

hoseok had returned home early in the morning, he tugged his shoes off before stumbling into the kitchen to get a glass of water. he needed to sober up just a little. 'seok?'

he flinched at the sudden voice, nearly dropping the glass in his hand. he breathed a sigh of relief as he realised it was just yoongi. 'jeez you scared me hyung.'

hoseok pulled a smile, though his thoughts still a little hazy as he wobbled past yoongi. 'seok.' the older repeated again, the beta slowly stopping before turning around dazedly.

'come sleep with the pack tonight.'

hoseok knew not to get his hopes up whenever one of the alphas said that. he reminded himself that as he laid under a separate blanket from the others. their excuse of 'his scent might overwhelm jeongguk' as the omega did just come out of heat; using it as an excuse to place a barrier between them and hoseok. again.

he heard jimin and namjoon whisper and giggle, he knew not to try and involve himself. so he closed his eyes, thoughts going back to the beta had met at the club before a small smile found its way on his face. they had talked for hours and had felt disappointed when they had to go. he was even introduced to jackson's pack; they were so loving, even towards a stranger.

'you can stay with me.'

he bit his lip to keep himself from giggling, scenting the pillow he held in his arms for comfort. he hadn't noticed his squirming had gotten the attention of the younger alpha, who had woken up.

'hyung...' the younger whined slightly, holding hoseok down to the bed in an attempt to stop the olders squirming. it did work though.

'sorry alpha.' hoseok apologised, adjusting himself underneath his blanket as he felt a little awkward with taehyung's hand still on him.

it wasn't supposed to be unusual. but it was.

hoseok hadn't really felt the touch of his younger alpha as taehyung preferred to keep away from him.

hoseok slowly reached to move the hand off him, pushing it off before moving away slightly. he didn't want the younger to snap at him when he woke up. finding out that the person he was hugging wasn't one of the older alphas or omegas.

he closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath. curling into himself slightly. he wanted proper love, not this artificial one.

when he awoke he was by himself inside jeongguk's room. he pulled the blankets off of him and walked to the door getting ready to open it and head to the kitchen. but the sound of their laughing and clinking of plates stopped him.

oh.

they were having breakfast without him. again.

he hesitated before opening the door quietly, slowly peaking out before leaving to his room. he felt sick. he walked towards the kitchen hastily. taking his time because he knew they forgot to make him a serving of whatever seokjin had cooked.

he avoided the dining room expertly, almost as if he'd been doing this all his life; he has.

he poured himself a small cup of tea before going to the backyard to soak in the morning sun by himself. because who wants to be with a beta anyways?

'hyung, we're going to go out grocery shopping-'

'yup i'll watch the house.' hoseok said not a beat later. eyes focused on his phone and not on the omega.

 'okay. bye.' namjoon waved a little awkwardly, leaving the beta to himself before he joined the rest of his pack.

it had been half an hour since they left.

he threw himself at the kitchen sink with a sob. he hated the feeling that swarmed his stomach like bees. flying around and stinging the insides his stomach's lining. he clutched at his chest and sobbed. why did they even accept him in this pack if all they were going to do was pretend he didn't exist?

he held onto his stomach; maybe he wasn't supposed to exist. he grabbed his phone and clicked the contact.

'jackson i need to talk.'

when they had gotten home they came home to a quiet house. they thought nothing of it really. they never really did. instead of calling for the beta like good packs do, they just walked into the kitchen and placed the bags of food away.

jimin had walked toward the betas room and knocked on the door. 'hey hyung, i bought these for you. they're your favourite.' he tossed the bag of chips toward hoseok who smiled at him. well, it looked like some form of smile.

'thank you alpha.' hoseok thanked softly, smile dropping as soon as the other left the room.

'hoseok? what happened?' the voice on the other side of the line asked, hearing hoseok sigh deeply.

'one of my alphas just bought me my favourite snack.'

he heard a small sound of happiness on the other side. 'isn't that good? see, it means they're thinking of you-'

'they're namjoon's favourite, not mine.'

'oh.'

hoseok sniffed again, wiping at his cheeks to try and rub the dry tears off. 'i-it's been 7 years. do they even know me?'

'hoseok-'

'jackson, can i stay over?'