Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

Mania

(Song- Sun - Daphne Loves Derby)
(TW: Bipolar episode, panic attack, hallucinations, hearing voices)

Rian helped a lot that night, Alex actually got some sleep. Except when he woke up from his nightmare. 
He gripped his sheets and stared around the room, panicking.
Rian, who was in the bed next to him woke up and looked at him, "What happened?" He sat up, rubbing his eyes.
Alex shook his head, "Nightmare." He mumbled, got up and went to the bathroom. He shut his door behind him, turned on the water and looked at himself in the mirror. He laced his fingers through his hair and tugged a little, shaking his head at himself, staring down at the water running.
"No...No no no no no...No." He whispered to himself, then looked back in the mirror, and behind him was a faceless person, wearing all black, head black. A shadow person. He jumped, he wanted to scream but his throat wouldn't allow one to come out. 
He backed himself up against the wall, getting away from the mirror, staring at the spot where the shadow person was. There was nothing there, but he was still in the mirror. He sank down to the floor, his hands in his hair, legs curled up to him, trying to make himself as small as possible.
"Go away." Alex whispered shakily, his entire body trembling. "Go away. You aren't real. Go away." 
It didn't go away. It turned to face him, like it was staring at him. Alex's heart was pounding in his chest, his lungs felt like they were collapsing in on him, a gaping hole in his chest, filling air where there was no place for it to go. "Go away, go away, go away...You aren't real go away...Go away..." He couldn't look away, his eyes fixated on that shadow person with no face staring at him through the mirror, a horrified expression on his face.

Rian had gone to check on Alex and heard the tail end of that.
He walked into the bathroom and saw Alex, his hair wild from him pulling it, his body shaking, dead set focused on that mirror. "Shit." He knelt down in front of Alex, putting his hands on Alex's shoulders, and Alex just kept staring at the mirror, looking like something was about to come out and murder him.
"Alex...Hey. Look at me. Focus on me." He instructed, being ignored.
"Alex...You have to look at me Alex. Come on." He knew not to shake him or touch him much more than having his hands on his shoulders. Last time he tried that, Alex responded by screaming and curling in on himself more, taking Rian as the person or thing he was scared of. 
"Come on Alex...Come on." He tried to move himself into Alex's line of sight better.
"You aren't real...You're not real...You are not real..." Alex whispered to whatever he was looking at, shaking his head quickly. 
"It's not real Alex. It's not real. I am real. Look at me please." Rian kept his voice gentle, but with a stern enough edge to hopefully get Alex's attention.
Alex kept shaking his head, "Go away...Please go away...Please." Alex pleaded, eyes completely fixated, tears streaming down his cheeks.
"Alex...Look at me. It's Rian. I'm right here. I'm real. The thing in the mirror is not real. I am. Look at me." He rubbed Alex's shoulders a little, trying to give him any reason to look, "Feel me? I'm real. I can touch you. I'm real."
Alex finally looked at him, "It's gonna get me Ri..." He whispered, his bottom lip quivering as his tears picked up. 
"Okay...Come here. It's not going to get you. Not when I'm here okay?" He held his arms out, giving Alex the choice.
Alex scooted against Rian, hid his face in his chest and cried, shaking against his best friend's chest. 
"You're okay...You're safe, okay?" Rian rubbed his broken best friend's back. He was counting on this coming back, but he was praying to all things possible that it wouldn't. Clearly his prayers didn't work. 

They sat there for a while, Alex refusing to look at anything, his face hidden, his fists gripping onto Rian's shirt tightly. Rian rubbing his back helped the shaking stop, helped his heart rate go back down and his breathing even out again.
He was terrified to look in that mirror again. His head was buzzing, he heard a loud ringing in his head, like a heart monitor when someone flatlines.
"Stop it" He whispered to himself.
"Stop what, Alex? Talk it through with me." Rian sat down in a more comfortable position and basically just pulled Alex onto his lap, holding him against whatever Alex could touch, trying to really seal the fact that he's real in Alex's mind.
"The sound...The ringing." He whispered.
"You hear ringing?" 
"Like a hospital when someone dies." 
"Okay, well it's not real. It's in your head, okay? Listen to this instead." Rian got his phone out of his pocket and opened up his apple music. He scrolled for a song that Alex liked.
He settled on the acoustic of Sun by Daphne Loves Derby.
Alex squeezed his eyes closed and focused on the song, humming almost silently along.
Rian let out a little sigh of relief. The song was working.
"Rian...I'm crazy...I'm losing it again...I'm scared." He whispered.
"You aren't crazy...I know you're scared. You're safe with me okay? You're safe. You need to talk to your psychiatrist again, Alex. He can help you, okay?" Rian hugged Alex close.
Alex nodded "I'm so sorry."
Rian held him close, "Don't ever be sorry for being you, Lex. Okay? I love you and you're safe." He responded quietly.
"Can you go back to bed with me?" He asked after another moment of silence.
Alex nodded and got up with Rian's help. He glanced in the mirror, terrified to do so but he had to see. The shadow person was gone. He breathed a sigh of relief and followed Rian back to bed, curling up under the covers, looking at Elise before turning to face Rian, laying his head on his best friend's chest. He needed close contact, to remind himself that Rian is real. Rian is safe.



"Mom?" Alex asked quietly from where he sat at the kitchen table, eating a bowl of cereal, looking completely out of it, like he physically was there. Mentally he was a thousand miles away.
Isobel put down the dish she was washing in the sink and looked at Alex, "Yeah sweetheart?" She saw the look on his face, then looked at Rian, who just looked sad.
She came and sat down in the chair next to Alex's, "What is it honey?" She put her hand on Alex's back. Alex jumped a little at the touch. She put her hand down. 
Alex looked up at her, "I need help mom..." He felt fresh tears sting his eyes, "I'm crazy again..." 
Isobel looked at him for a moment, just thinking of what to say or do. 
"We'll call your psychiatrist okay? What's happening so I know what to tell him." She said quietly, trying to keep herself and the situation completely calm, to make sure she didn't send him spiraling.
"I see things...And I heard voices. A shadow person scared me in the bathroom last night...It wouldn't go away mom. It wouldn't go away...It wouldn't leave...I told it to leave and it wouldn't leave." He whispered, his body trembling again. He wrapped his arms around himself in an attempt to hold himself together, staring at his mom with a petrified look on his face.
Isobel nodded, "Okay honey...Okay. You know they're not real, right? You know your mind is just playing tricks on you, trying to scare you. I'm going to call your doctor." She held her hand up so Alex could see. He nodded a little. She put her hand on his back and rubbed it a bit. 
"I have to go to school..." Alex whispered to himself, not to anyone in particular.
"Are you sure you're okay to?" Isobel asked carefully. Holding him back usually made things worse. It made him feel like he had zero control on himself. 
She looked at Rian, "Stay with him okay? Can I call and tell them you need to be with him? I'll call your mom first." Kathi, Rian's mom knew the situation. Alex and Rian had been friends since just before the very first breakdown.
Rian nodded, "I will. I won't go anywhere without him." He said quietly, looking at Alex who looked like he'd love nothing more than to jump in front of a train.

After they ate, Alex gave Elise snuggles, "I'm sorry I'm not good right now baby...I'm so sorry...I love you so much." He whispered to her, giving her a kiss and putting her back in her swing.
He let Rian drive today. Isobel texted Rian a few minutes after they got to the school saying they were clear to go.
They walked into the school, Alex grabbing Rian's hand tightly. 
They held hands as they walked to their lockers. Alex put what he didn't need yet away and got out some of the things he did need, "Is there a spider in there?" He asked.
Rian looked in and shook his head, "I don't see one." He shrugged, trying to stay casual.
Alex shrugged, "Okay." He closed his eyes for a moment, willing himself to not see anything. It wasn't that easy. His meds weren't working at all. 
He sort of realized that when he spent time being happy, then miserable, then happy, then miserable again. He just didn't put two and two together. They had been slowly not working for a while.
English class was okay. He only saw a couple ants on his table. He poked at them with his fingers in between doing his work. Rian watched, but let it go. If that was it, then that was okay.
The next class, Alex was fine. He paid attention and did his work without any issue. 
The final class before lunch, Alex seemed uncomfortable. People were staring at him, primarily the same people who usually gave him shit. The ones who were calling him a fag and making fun of him when he had Elise brought to the school.
"Do I look bad?" He whispered to Rian. In complete honesty, yes. His hair was wild because he didn't bother styling it. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't his usual carefully done style. His eyes were dark and dead looking with purple, puffy bags under his eyes that made him look like he'd been punched in the face. His skin was more pale, sick looking and there was stubble on his face because he hadn't shaved. 
"You look fine." Rian whispered back, shooting glares at the people staring.
Alex put his arms on his table and hid his face. He didn't look fine. He looked dead.
Lunch was bad.

Walking into the cafeteria was fine, until Alex noticed black figures against all four walls, except this time they were dripping blood all over the floor.
"Rian..." He whispered, his heart sinking and starting to race, his hand flew up to his chest trying to keep himself breathing normally, but that was a pipe dream. He felt his throat closing up.
Rian took Alex's hand and walked him to the table, "What do you see? What's happening?" He asked, watching Alex's eyes dart around the entire cafeteria.
"Leave me alone...Leave me alone..." They came closer to him, walking slowly in unison from all four walls.
Standing near the center of the cafeteria, Alex stared around panicking, not noticing all of the people staring at him. 
His hands went to his hair, pulling at it, "Go away...go away...Please go away...Please." He pleaded, looking for anywhere to run. There was nowhere. They were coming at him. Now they were about ten feet away. Now they were chanting at him.
'Let's go, Tom! Get in the car. Let's have fun! I wanna go have fun!' It was his own voice. His childlike voice.
Alex shook his head violently, hyperventilating too quickly, "GO AWAY!" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Rian got close to him without touching him, "Alex...It's not real...It's not real...Please look at me. It's not real." 

Rian looked around, scared to death. He saw Jack standing there, looking terrified, his eyes completely fixated on Alex, his body tense.

Alex turned his body, looking at every single bloody shadow person coming at him.
One by one, they began to break, looking like mangled bodies.
'It should have been you. Should have been you.' They chanted, their voices unknown.
"No no no...No...No!" He screamed again, his legs weak.
"Alex...It's not real..." Rian pleaded, still going completely ignored.
Each body got closer and closer to Alex, one revealing his brother's face, his brother's shattered, dead, broken face.
'I didn't want to go. You made me.' His brother's voice said. 
Alex was screaming at the top of his lungs now, terrified. Seeing his brother's dead body all over again. Arms and legs mangled, metal shoved through his chest, face shattered nearly beyond recognition.
"STOP IT! STOP! YOU AREN'T REAL" He screamed, his legs giving out as he fell to the floor.
Rian knelt down on the floor next to him, "Alex come on...It's not real. It's not real. I know you're scared, but it isn't real." He tried again, repeating himself over and over again, ignoring the fact that people were staring, and campus security was coming.
Alex just fell face first into the linoleum, screaming at the top of his lungs in between sobs. 
From what he could see, he was lying in blood. The blood of his brother, and the blood of every shadow person that crumpled around him.
Campus security got closer, Rian had to stand up, "Don't touch him. Do not touch him." He said sternly.
"We can't have this...we need to call an ambulance or something..." One officer said, looking terrified of the boy on the ground.
"Do not do that. I will call his mother. He has bipolar and a pretty severe panic disorder. You touch him, or anyone else, he will lose his shit even more. You think this is bad? Try it. I dare you." Rian was firm, looking angry.
It didn't work.
One officer bent down and put his hand on Alex's shoulder, "Hey---" He was cut off by Alex jumping like a scared deer, thrashing trying to get away.
"DON'T TOUCH ME! DON'T! DON'T DON'T DON'T!" He screamed, pulling himself into a sitting position and scooting back, dragging the blood along with him.
"GO AWAY!!!" He screamed at the crumpled shadow figures, who were now finding a way to stare directly at him, even with their lack of face and no eyes. He knew they were staring. He was losing his fucking mind.
"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" He screamed at them, his hands covered in blood. He stared at his palms, "Why is there so much blood" He sobbed out.

Rian glared at the officers, "I fucking told you." He called Isobel, "You need to let me take him home right now." Was all he said, and on the other end Isobel heard her son's screaming.
"I'll call right now." She said before hanging up.
Rian knelt down next to Alex again, "Hey...Lex can you look at me please? Please look at me. There's no blood. There's no people." 
"MY BROTHER IS DEAD AND TALKING TO ME!" He screamed, his red tear stained face staring at Rian while still seeing everything around him, "YOUR SHOES ARE COVERED IN BLOOD AND MY DEAD BROTHER IS TALKING TO ME AND THEY'RE STARING AT ME AND I CAN'T DO THIS AND I CAN'T BREATHE...RIAN I CAN'T BREATHE" He was right. He was hyperventilating all over again.
"I'm gonna hold you okay? I'm gonna hold you. Don't freak out. Remember it's just me okay?" Alex gave him a fast nod, eyes darting around the room again, looking at each figure still staring at him.
"Stop..." He got out in between heavy breaths.
Rian sat down next to Alex and carefully wrapped his arms around him, pulling him close.
"Okay, close your eyes. Close them so they can't look at you anymore. You're safe." He put his hand on the back of Alex's head and guided it down to his chest, so Alex could feel him and hear his heartbeat, "I'm real. Okay? I'm right here, and I'm real. Close your eyes and listen to my heart beat, feel my hands rubbing your back okay? Just try." He rubbed Alex's back, holding him as close as possible. He caught sight of Jack who hadn't moved at all, but had tears streaming down his cheeks, shaking a little.
Rian looked back down at Alex who couldn't get his breathing under control, letting out heavy sobs in between, "Come on...Deep breath. Follow me." He took a deep breath in, then let it out slow. It didn't work.
"Dizzy!" Alex sobbed out against Rian's chest.
"I know...I know...Follow me and try to breathe. Keep your eyes closed." 
Rian tried for a good three minutes before Alex finally went limp, his head falling a little. He blacked out. 
Usually, that scared Rian. Right now, it was necessary.

"What the fuck is wrong with him?" Someone asked, Rian finally hearing the voices all around the cafeteria, some people filmed it. That wasn't going to be good. 
Jack just stared at Alex and Rian, looking like a deer in the headlights. Like he couldn't move.
"This psycho fag is in charge of taking care of a kid?" Some asshole from the football team asked, staring at Alex.
"Shut the fuck up you stupid motherfucker. You don't know shit." Jack spat angrily at him, then went back to looking at Rian and Alex. He was terrified to move closer, so he just watched.
One of the campus security officers looked at Rian, ready to listen to him now, "What's happening then?" He asked.
"I'm taking him home." He glared, "As soon as I can get him awake enough, I'm taking him home. So for now, don't touch me. Don't touch him. We're going to sit here until he wakes up." 
Both officers just nodded and stood there, watching. Just like the rest of the cafeteria was.