Teenage Nightmare (Jalex)

Lost In Space With Love

(Song- Eisley - Deep Space)

(TW; Talk of suicide/self harm)

(May 26th. 10:34 AM)

Alex's arm twitched a little, a tiny groan escaping his lips.
Isobel and Rian were down getting food, despite how badly Isobel didn't want to leave. She hadn't stopped crying the entire time, so Rian got her away for a little bit so she could calm herself to the best of her abilities.
Jack looked up at Alex, being met with tired, groggy eyes.
"Lexy..." He whispered.
Alex tried to lift his arms, eyes going wide when he realized he couldn't.
"Hey...Hey don't do that...Don't do that...Breathe for me..." He instructed when he saw and heard Alex's heart monitor beeping faster.
"Off" He shook his head.
Jack pulled the mask off of his head.
"You're real....Right? You're here?" Alex looked so confused.
Jack nodded, "I'm real baby. I'm right here...Love I'm right here." He put his hand gently on Alex's unbruised cheek, "See? I'm right here." 
He assumed that the only reason Alex was so calm right now was because one of those bags contained a pretty decent cocktail of drugs to make sure he was. It would make sense, considering how groggy and truly out of it Alex looked. Then again, there could be something completely different in that bag. He didn't know shit.
Alex rested his head against Jack's hand, "Don't...Don't leave again okay?" He stared at Jack. Truthfully, it was the shock of Jack being there that had him so calm. Because in all actuality, ht was the furthest thing from calm. Once the shock wore off, he was certain he'd be a mess again. The pain in his body was unreal.
"What happened" He questioned, staring down at the restraints on his wrists.

Jack sighed a little, "You told me you love me, and that you're sorry...You hung up the phone...Do you remember any of this?" He asked before going on a long detailed rant about it.
Alex shook his head, "No..." He whispered. He had no idea. He'd truly had a full blown manic episode.
"Do you want me to explain or just what happened to you to get you here?" Jack rested his hand on Alex's arm again.
"Tell me everything you know..." Alex bit his lip, then cringed. He pouted his lip out. "Don't bite it, it's busted open." Jack looked at the huge gash on the inside of his lower lip.
Alex sighed.
"Okay...You hung up the phone and I don't know what happened in between baby, but you cut yourself a lot...Deep. Your thighs, your wrists, your stomach....Then I guess you passed out on the stairs and fell down them...Your right leg is broken, fibula and a fractured patella, and your left wrist is broken....Lexy, you're covered in bandages everywhere..." He teared up a little, "And I wasn't there...I'm so sorry." He swallowed the lump in his throat. This was not about him. 
Alex was silent. 
"I...I tried to kill myself?" He genuinely didn't remember a thing. He remembered being on the phone with Jack. He didn't remember anything else after that. He barely remembered the phone call with Jack. So he was really fucked then. 
Jack nodded, "Yeah..."

Isobel walked in then, "Oh baby you're awake" She nearly started sobbing again. She walked over to his bedside and kissed his good cheek, "Honey...Sweet baby boy...How do you feel? Do you hurt?" She coddled him, like any mother would. 
Alex nodded, "I hurt momma." He sniffled, "I hurt everywhere. Everything hurts." He meant everything. Physically. Mentally. What the fuck happened?
"Okay baby...Okay." She walked out of the room again to get a nurse.
Rian stood in the doorway, "Hey Alex." He said quietly, offering Alex the tiniest smile.
"I'm sorry." Alex whispered.
Rian shook his head, "Don't apologize, I love you. You're okay. You're safe. Okay?" He walked over to Alex's bedside and took a seat opposite of Jack's. 
"Why am I not allowed to move my arms?" Alex asked, staring at the restraints again.
"You woke up screaming for Jack and like, trying to hit everyone. So they gave you some meds to make you go to sleep, and they put you in these to make sure you wouldn't hurt yourself or anyone else." Rian bit his lip, hating that his brother had finally gone too far. Way too far.
Alex looked like he didn't know how to react. Somehow he expected this to happen.
"What's gonna happen to Elise? They can't let her stay with me..." He teared up at that.
"Not true, first of all. Your mom's been looking into it. If anything, your psychiatrist is going to have to set up more frequent sessions with you, adjust your medications and if need be, which it likely won't be, she'll just be Elise's caregiver, while you still have custody of course, until you're deemed stable by your doctor. Your mom is going through all the bells and whistles right now, has your dad doing literally everything and an attorney on standby. Nothing is going to happen to Elise." Rian smiled a tiny bit.
Alex nodded, "Okay..." He was unsure. He literally slit his wrists, his thighs and his stomach to get as much blood as he could out, then passed out down the stairs. He didn't know how it all played out, but clearly he meant to be by those stairs. He knew how his brain operated. He was certain the voices were there too. They usually were when shit hit the fan.

Isobel came back in with a nurse and sat down next to Alex.
"Hi Alex," The nurse smiled, "How are you feeling?" 
Alex just stared at her. He was feeling incredibly humiliated, shy and anxiety ridden right now. Talking to a new person who knew he was downright psychotic wasn't on his list of things to do.
He looked at Jack.
Jack looked up at the nurse, "He told his mom before she got you that everything hurts." He'd always be Alex's voice if he needed to be. Him and Rian.
Rian smiled a little at Jack and took his seat next to Isobel.
This was the worst situation, but knowing how fast Jack got here, literally the second he found out, that let Rian know that Jack was in this for the long haul. 
The nurse nodded at Jack. She had an odd look on her face, but it wasn't her place to judge anything. She really just found it odd that two teenage boys had been attached to her patient like glue. She heard Rian talking to Jack and Isobel while Alex was still out, and she swore these boys sounded like adults. She had hope for today's teenagers after all.
"I'm going to give you some more pain medication okay? It might make you a little sleepy again. You've had a lot to handle today. Sleep might not be the worst thing anyway. The doctor who treated you today, Dr. Kennedy called your psychiatrist Dr. Cook. They'll both be here within the hour to talk to you." She said with a gentle smile.
Alex just stared at Jack. 
Jack nodded at the nurse, then rubbed Alex's arm above the cast.
"Will the doctor remove these restraints? He hasn't reacted dangerously once." Jack said quietly, "I've been here the entire time." 
The nurse nodded, "I'm sure if he deems it fit, he will." She answered Jack, but was looking at Alex. She realized their dynamic pretty quickly. It happened often with mentally ill patients.

Alex felt relaxed once the pain meds were injected into his IV.
He closed his eyes. He wasn't asleep, but he felt good. The nurse walked out to go update his chart.
"You feeling a little better?" Isobel asked quietly, in case Alex had fallen asleep again.
Alex nodded his head a tiny bit, "Mhm" He muttered.
"I'm going to go call your dad and update him on everything okay?" She kissed his forehead, got up and left the room. Now that she knew that he was at least safe, her anxiety dropped back to normal. She no longer felt like she was going to have a stroke.
"Can I be with Jack?" Alex muttered, intending that to be for Rian.
Rian got that, "Yeah. I'm gonna go call Zack and let him know what's happening. He's got Elise at his house." He wasn't going to tell Alex why. The reason was because Alex's blood had covered the bathroom floor, dripped down the hallway and splattered the stairs and the wall when Alex hit it on his way down, and then on the carpet at the end of the stairs. Someone was going to have to clean that before Alex got sent home.
Rian walked out of the room to leave them alone. 
Alex opened his eyes and looked over at Jack, "I'm sorry." He said quietly.
"Why are you sorry? I should be the one saying sorry Lexy." 
Alex smiled a tiny bit at Lexy. He loved that so much.
"I love it when you call me Lexy. It makes me get butterflies. I'm sorry because I love you so much, and right when things go good...They go good for a week or two, maybe three if I'm lucky, and then they go to hell again. I mean we've been together since January. That's only four months, and in that four months, I've managed to not only have mental breakdown after mental breakdown in front of you, but also had to stay at an inpatient treatment center, and then stopped eating, then cut myself, then this. All in four months. All four of which you were just thrown into. Literally thrown to the wolves and told 'good luck' and that's so unfair to you...And all I am is in love with you, and I never want that to go away, and I never want you to go away, and yet here I am, barely hanging onto life by a thread. I keep throwing away all of what I want, which is just to be with you. I'm afraid that one day, you'll really leave and it won't be just for a week. It'll be forever." He had tears in his eyes as he looked at Jack. He was ashamed of himself, but he couldn't look away. 
Jack had tears in his eyes too as he shook his head, "Lexy, I'm not going anywhere. If you think you should've scared me off by now, you haven't. I've told you so many times that I've literally been obsessed with you since freshman year. You aren't new for me. This part is just new for me. It's still a part of you, who you are. You're still the funny, incredible Alex I met all the way back then. You're just my funny, incredible Alex who needs some extra love and that's what I want to give you forever. I don't care how stupid that sounds. I'm only about to turn 17, and in December, you'll be 18. That sounds insane to anyone else on the planet, but it doesn't sound insane to me. It sounds like I've dated people, and it sounds like you've dated people. It sounds like we've been kinda slutty in the past few years and taken people we don't really love, only lust over, to bed and then nothing else happens. Yet here we are, and I go on one date with you, we hop into bed the same day. I'm hooked officially, as if I wasn't hooked before the past three years that I've been harassing you to go out with me. A lot has gone on, yeah. We've argued a little too, but we got through it and we always will. I'm here Alex. You may not know it, because you pretty much made fun of me the last three years and thought I was obnoxious, but like I said, I've been hooked on you. You just have this...Whatever it is around you that I always want to be around. I couldn't ask to have you any other way than the way that you are, Lexy. You haven't thrown a damn thing away. We just keep hitting some bumps in the road, but hey. We always get over them right? We're gonna keep getting over them, and one day you and I are going to kick life's ass and make it whatever the hell we want it to be. I'm here for all of that. I'm in complete love with you Lexy. Nothing in the world is going to change that." All of that was true. The entire time he was driving to his love, waiting for updates on his love, and sitting in that hospital chair next to his love's bed, he was thinking that if Alex went down, he was going down too. Morbid, but he meant it with every fiber of his being. He couldn't handle life without Alex. He wouldn't tell him that of course, but that was just the harsh reality.

Alex sniffled a little, unable to wipe the tears that had poured down his cheeks, down his neck and onto his uncomfortable hospital gown.
Jack reached up and wiped them.
"How can you love me?" He asked in a shaky voice.
Jack smiled a tiny bit, stood up a little to reach Alex's face and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips, avoiding hurting it of course. God he needed that kiss. He needed that to officially know that Alex was still with him.
"You're easy to love Lexy. I'll tell you that every single day. You're so beautiful, inside and out. You are just. You're you, and I love you." Jack shrugged, "That's the best way I can describe it. You're you. That's all there is to it." He smiled.
Alex smiled back, "Yeah well I'm in love with you too. So know that if anything ever happens. Know how much I'm in love with you." He didn't want to say that last part. The 'If anything ever happens' part.
Jack caught on, "Baby I'm not leaving you again. I wasn't here to protect you and save you from yourself this time, but that's not going to happen again. No matter what. Even if I have to haul you with me wherever I have to go. I won't ever let this happen again." He kissed Alex's arm above the cast.
"That's not fair to you." Alex mumbled.
"It's more than fair. I'm in love with you and all that you come with. Every single part. It's the least you could ever ask of me." Jack kissed his arm again.
"What's the most I could ask of you?" Alex raised an eyebrow.
Jack sighed a tiny bit, "You don't wanna know." He shrugged.
"I think I do." 
Jack looked up at Alex, directly in the eyes.
"The worst you could ever ask of me is for me to go away and never come back. The worst you could ask of me is to understand if you ever fall out of love with me and need me to get over you. That's the worst. Because I couldn't ever." He was completely serious.
Alex hated that for him, not because he didn't feel the same way. He said it before though, he was eclipsing Jack's sun. Always. Constantly. Yet here he is being selfish.
"I'm so selfish...To expect that of you...You're a fucking ray of sunshine and I'm the darkest eclipse....But...I'd never, ever, ever tell you to leave. Never. I don't care if we're fighting so hard that we feel like we're going to explode. I'd never ask you to leave and get over me. I will never tell you that I am not in love with you. Losing you, Jack, to me would be like a meteor hitting the earth and wiping everything out. I'd be completely wiped out. I can't be without you...Look at me. You leave for a week, talking to me all day long, every single day, and I still fall apart. You think I could ever give you up? You're the only one who keeps me okay." He had tears running down his cheeks again.
"You're not an eclipse. You're the earth that I keep warm and lit up. Don't ever forget that." Jack sat up to kiss Alex's lips again.

I'm lucky to be lost in space with love.
Lost out in space, you'll never lose me.