Sleeping With My Bandmate

Day 75

Jongin 

Life isn't always fair, the way it changes from being happy to grumpy so quickly and seemingly without a valid reason. But one of the worst things about it is that it doesn't let you make your own choices confidently. It always finds a way to make you regret your decision, even if you were confident about it at the time you made it.

That was how I felt about my choice of being friends with Kyungsoo. I regretted it so much already. The truth was that I didn't want to be friends with him at all. I wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. But it was just too dangerous for the both of us and I couldn't risk his safety or our careers just to fulfill my own greed. Despite our current situation, he was still the number one thing on my priority list and nothing was going to change that.

We were scheduled to be in the studio one day to do some recording for our first comeback. I woke up that morning thinking that I would have to do the same to Kyungsoo again, but I was surprised to find him already up and his bed already neatly made. I was actually kind of disappointed, if I'm being honest. I looked forward to waking him up because that meant I could just look at him for a bit, catch a glimpse of the view I once had and took for granted.

I got dressed before I went to join the other members in the dining room. Kyungsoo was in the kitchen cooking away as usual. I smiled faintly and then sat in one of the chairs diagonal from Joonmyun.

"Hyung, what's taking so long?" Sehun whined. "I'm gonna die if I don't eat something soon."

"Then in that case, it'll be another half an hour," Kyungsoo retaliated, peeking his head out of the kitchen. I chuckled a little as I saw Sehun pout in response. A few minutes later, Kyungsoo came back out with the food. "Don't eat it all at once, please. I'm not making anymore of anything," he warned, setting the plates down in the center of the table before sitting down next to me. He looked at me and with a timid smile and soft voice he said, "Good morning."

"Morning," I replied calmly, despite the fact that my heart had just skipped about ten beats. That was the first smile I had seen from him in a while, at least one that was made specifically for me. I missed it. I missed him. I didn't know how long we could be just friends before the feelings of longing I had spontaneously combusted.

>>>>>>>>

Once we finished breakfast and cleaned up, we all headed to the recording studio. We introduced ourselves to the producer and then took a seat as we were called up one by one to go in the booth and record.

"Alright that was good, Baekhyun," he said as Baekhyun exited. "Next is Kyungsoo. Head on in."

"Alright," Kyungsoo said as he stood up from the couch and scurried off, opening the booth door before he took his place in front of the microphone. He carefully lifted the headphones up and placed them on his head, taking a few moments to adjust them so they sat on his head comfortably. I could see his shoulders fall a little as he exhaled, his eyes running over the lyrics in front of him. His finger ran across a few of the pages and he adjusted his glasses, probably so he could see his parts more clearly.

"Ready?" the producer asked after a few minutes.

"Yeah, all set," Kyungsoo replied with a small nod.

"Okay, let's just do a mic test for you real quick," he said. Kyungsoo spoke some nonsense into mic and the producer adjusted a few of the sliding bars and dials on the sound board. "Sounds good. Let's start with take one."

As I sat there quietly and listened to him, I was reminded of the first time I heard him sing. His voice was beautiful then and it still was now. Was it weird that it actually made my heart ache to listen to him? If it did, I wouldn't really care anyway because that was the truth.

But of course, one thought of our past quickly led me to question what my actual priorities were and if I knew what I really wanted. On the one hand, there was him. There was no denying how much I loved him, and even though we were still young and hopefully would have a lot of time ahead of us, I had a lingering feeling he was the only person I'd ever feel like that about. In that case, maybe I should have been more focused on winning him back and trying harder to make up for the shitty way I handled things.

But on the other hand, there was the current position of our lives. I wouldn't have called us famous, but we were well known enough that the company would have never let anyone find out about us, that is assuming they knew themselves. We'd still have to hide, but it would be so much harder and more taxing on both of us. Could our relationship survive that much stress?

There were so many things to think about and consider that my head became fogged. The only logical thing to do was to try and move on as friends and hope one day that our circumstances would change. Then maybe we could be together the way I hoped we both wanted to be, the way I thought we were meant to be.

But having hope is considerably easier than keeping it.