Sleeping With My Bandmate

Day 202

Jongin

He had to stay in the hospital for a few days after he woke up so the doctors could make sure there was no further damage. Everyone else would go to visit him occasionally, but I saw no reason to. It's not like we would walk in one day and he would magically remember us. So I just gave up. After all, what's the point of loving someone who doesn't know you love them? The only thing that will do to you is bring you pain and suffering beyond any you've ever felt.

"Kai?" Chanyeol said softly as he knocked on my door. "Kai, dinner is ready."

"How many times do I have to say it?" I replied in annoyance. "I'm not hungry."

"I don't care if you're not hungry," he said, taking a seat on my bed. "You still have to eat in order to live."

"Who said I wanted to live?" I said with a plain tone in my voice and my back facing him.

"Don't get all suicidal on me," he said.

"Too late."

"Look, I know you're sad, but you can't slum around like a vegetable because he doesn't remember you," he said. "You never know, his memory could come back any day."

"Yeah, sure it could," I said sarcastically, rolling my eyes. I heard him let out a heavy sigh and I shifted a little, pulling the covers over my body more.

"Kai, I completely understand why you want to sulk around all the time," he said.

"Do you really?" I asked.

"Yeah, I do. That's what I feel like doing because of what happened with Baekhyun," he said, a sad tone appearing in his voice. "It may not seem like it, but I do miss him. Just like you miss Kyungsoo."

"What's your point?" I asked, letting a quick sigh escape between my parted lips.

"My point is you can't feel bad for yourself all the time because that makes you the same selfish bastard everyone thought you were," he said, catching me slightly off guard. "Once you love someone like you love him, you have to throw away all your selfish pride and put him first. Plus, it's not like you don't have other friends. We're still here, Kai, and we're sad, too. You can always talk to us because we aren't going anywhere So, when you decide get over yourself, you know where to find us," he said with one last sigh as he stood up from my bed. "Oh and I'm going to visit him at his house once he gets discharged from the hospital just so you know," he added before exiting the room and shutting the door.

Was he right? Was I really letting this sorrow in my heart turn me into someone who only thinks of himself? That certainly wasn't my intention when all this started. I guess I just let my sadness blind me so much that I could no longer see the reality of the predicament I was in.

If I didn't give up, at least I'd be with him, right? I mean, it's not like we couldn't make new memories, even if they were just as friends. But if I continued to sulk around like a jerk with no soul, I could lose him altogether, which would have been more painful than this.

So I forced myself to decide. I had to strip myself of this ridiculous fear I had and just let myself be near him. Maybe we'd never exchange another "I love you" or kiss or anything intimate like that again, but at least I'd be with him. And at that point, that was all I wanted.

>>>>>>

After giving myself a total attitude check, I finally mustered up enough courage to come out of my room. My steps were hesitant and unsteady as I made my way out into the living room. The other members were watching the news when I appeared and didn't notice me right away.

"Our final story for this evening comes from the world of entertainment. One of K-Pop's most treasured groups, EXO, has officially announced that they will be going on a short break due to the absence of one of their members, D.O. According to a statement given by their company, SM Entertainment, D.O was involved in a car accident and was admitted into the hospital before being released a few days ago. However, he will not be able to return to the group until further notice due to severe memory loss."

I sighed heavily, trying to shake off what I had just heard. I kept telling myself that I had to stop pitying myself or else I might really lose him for good.

"K-Kai?" Sehun said in shock, making everyone else turn to look at me. "You're up."

"Yeah," I said somewhat silently, lowering my head to the ground. "Look guys, I'm sorry...for everything. I messed up our schedule and then I acted like you guys weren't going through this, too. I'm really sorry."

"Hey," Joonmyun said, walking over to me and placing a hand on my shoulder. "You know we don't think any of what happened is your fault. The timing for any of us to be in love is just really off right now."

"I'll say," I replied with a small chuckle. "Thanks. I'll try to be less...depressed from now on."

"Nonsense, you just take your time to recover," he said. "We've got time and we're not going anywhere."

"Yeah, I mean, we may have hated each other before, but friends don't turn their backs on each other," Minseok said with a smile, causing me to smile as well.

"I see my awesome pep talk worked," Chanyeol said with a grin as he came out of the kitchen.

"Yeah, I guess it did," I chuckled, making him smile. "Hey, are you still going to see him?"

"I was planning on it, yeah." He nodded.

"Then, uh, I hope you wouldn't mind some company," I said, scratching my neck a little. He just looked at me as his smile began to stretch out.

"I'd love that," he said, nodding his head faintly. I smiled a little and hung my head down, letting out a ball of air. Truthfully, I didn't know is if I was ready to see him again. But I supposed I had to be.