Her Love Letter

13

jennie's pov

god, stupid manoban.

it's not that hard to just admit if she still likes me right? i mean i guess since she used to be the shy type, it's harder for her. but it's not like i'm gonna rip her head off or something even if she still likes me?? or doesn't like me? i'd be more of glad actually if she did.

pretty glad.

wait but what if the reason why she isn't responding or hesitating is because she doesn't like me anymore? oh my god that can't be the case please. ugh, what an absolute pain in the ass.

me, i meant. me stressing over nothing and possibly overthinking everything is a pain.

and this isn't entirely her fault, like why did i have to have feelings for her now? why? i could very well just go like anyone else but her and it just had to be her.

well... maybe it is just simply infatuation? maybe because it's been so long since i've seen someone that attractive or have been attracted to someone?

i don't know, my body just feels livelier and more functional around her or even when i just look at her. her presence sort of gives me life, gives me something to look forward to and to think that, 'oh, maybe life isn't that boring'.

it used to be meaningful, you know, with school being a chore and a whore and the people around having all sorts of witty itty drama that made absolutely no sense at all but still was enjoyable anyway? yeah, and the homework and the parties and that one time the principal slipped and fell in front of the entire school after finishing a welcome back speech?

those were the days, but now those days are over and as an adult, life's mostly about work, eat, sleep, and it repeats.

until you find love.

so that's why people always told me to enjoy life, enjoy childhood, enjoy your teenage frenzy, and young adult chaos before you enter the real world of boringness.

figures.

and so now, lisa could very well be my motivation to look forward to in this boring one heck of a world.

any other time in high school i never once thought she looked pretty or hot or felt any sort of attraction to her but then boom here i am, 21 and desperately wanting to be around her. except that i get so nervous sometimes i loose myself.

but one thing i can't deny is that i did actually find her cute in high school. i know i said it before but seriously, i was astounded when her neatly folded piece of love letter was situated in my locker this one fine day after the tedious lessons had ended.

i was simply flattered at the fact that this was the first love letter i received from a girl. i knew other girls who had crushes on me too like irene, nayeon, well basically the entire dance team but as you can see, they never had the guts to send any sort of thing like that to me— love letter. moreover have the guts to confess in person.

and who knew it came from the biggest nerd ever?

she had the guts to do it.

but then next thing i knew, our homeroom teacher announced that she had dropped out of school to do homeschooling. like literally the day right after i found her letter in my locker. no one knew why, her two crackhead of a duo buddies were still there. maybe they knew, but well i wasn't close to ask.

i guess there's just something about her now that im attracted to.

and i don't know what it was in me to get pissed at her yesterday.

crazy bitch.

me, i meant.

so i'm currently sitting by the edge of a river at a park, taking a deep breath in and sighing whenever the sight of any lovey couple flashed by. you could say i was rethinking life at this point with no main goal. i pout, swinging my legs until my phone rumbled in my pocket for the first time today.

that's how lonely adult life is.

from lisa:
can u pls meet me for a sec?
i'll come to u.
11.35pm

i frowned after seeing who it was and simply placed my phone back into my side without bothering to reply. maybe i'll reply later. i just want to enjoy the nature and be in peace for awhile.

i dragged myself up and moved to a bench under the tree where there was shade before lying down entirely on it and closing my eyes.

yeah, perhaps, maybe, perhaps this lisa thing is just a stupid crush.

maybe i'm feeling rejected and all because it's been ages since i've dated or liked someone.

it was uncomfortable lying on my back facing the sky so it had me shifting to lie on my side facing the outer edge of the bench.

i mean, that's probably it.

there wouldn't be any other possible reason to justify why yesterday got me so riled up. although i was the one to leave, it felt like i was the one being ditched for some reason.

stupid brain.

she probably doesn't like you anymore.

it's been 3 years what the hell do you expect?

how can one like someone for 3 years? that's just gonna be the hardest thing to ever be p-

"mind if i join you?" a low voice sounded right above my head.

wait a minute..

i recognise that voice.