Wanting You

Chapter 22: Jasper

I mentally facepalmed as I quietly sighed and looked down at my lap.

I called him cute.

Pull yourself together. You can't talk like that. Remember what happened last time?

My mind started to drift towards him, blocking out everything else.

I'll admit it, I still had feelings for Simon. After he told me he didn't feel the same. Two months later, I still felt this way. I know it was stupid. I wanted to get over him, I really did. But I couldn't, when I had to see him at school everyday. I had to see him laugh, and smile. I had to talk to him, and spend time with him. Because we were friends. How was I supposed to get over him if I had to see the things that made me fall for him in the first place?

He was what I wanted. What I needed. I cared for him so much. Even the little things made me swoon. When he rolled his eyes, when he ran his hand through his hair, everything about him was so breathtaking. But, I couldn't be with him. And that hurt. I told myself that I was fine with it and that I accepted it. But a small voice in my head told me that I was lying to myself. And the sad thing was.. it was true.

I gazed at him. His face. That's I was looking at. It's all I could focus on. He put me in a trance and he didn't even know it.

"Jasper!" Chance said, waving his hand in front of my face.

"...h-huh?" I asked, snapping out it.

"Are you okay? You seem a little dazed." He said, a concerned look plastered across his face.

"Oh. Um.." I got up, feeling that same nervous feeling I got when I first started lov- I mean, well, you get the point.

"Come with me." I told him. He shrugged and got up. I told Felix and Quinn to come, too. "W-we'll be right back." I told Simon and Carrie. They had puzzled looks on their faces.

We walked out of the noisy cafeteria, pushing through the double-doors and into the hallway. No one seemed to be there.

"What's going on?" He asked, leaning against the gray brick wall. Quinn and Felix also asked me.

"Well, I need to tell you something. It's.. been eating me up inside." I tried to hide the hesitancy in my voice, but it was no use. I was nervous. I mean, I was about to come out to my best friends. And tell him I was in lo- I mean, that I was attracted to my other best friend.

Quinn nodded. "What is it?" He asked, their voice soft.

"I.. I have feelings for Simon." I said, as if it was all one word. Their eyes widened as I tried to stay calm. Quinn's mouth curled into a smile.

"You mean.. like, romantic feelings?" Felix asked.

"Yeah. I'm gay."

I waited for their response.

"Well. I definitely didn't see that coming." Quinn said, chuckling.

This wasn't the first time someone was coming out in the friend group. A year ago Quinn had come out as non-binary and bisexual. Fortunately we all took it well, and so did Quinn's parents.

"Y-yeah. I've felt this way for, a few months now."

"Damn, you've been holding it in that long? Must have been painful." Quinn said, now having a concerned look on their face.

"Well.. um.." I began.

I can't believe I'm about to tell them this.

•••

"I kissed him."

Their eyes widened.

"What?" They all asked in disbelief and unison.

"Yeah." I said.

"Well, what happened next?" Chance asked.

"He.. didn't kiss back. He asked me if I had feelings for him and I said yes. I spilled my heart out. He still wanted to be friends, though. I told him not to tell you guys. A little more than two months later and I'm still left with these feelings. At least he kept his promise."

They didn't say anything for a few seconds. But they all had the same looks on their faces. Shock. Disbelief. Confusion.

Quinn walked closer to me and put their hands on my shoulders.

"You know we support you, right?" They gave me a sweet smile.

"Yeah us too." Felix said, with him and Chance hugging me.

"I appreciate that." I said. A wave of relief flowed over me.

"We might wanna get back to the cafeteria before a teacher sees us hanging out here." He said, gesturing us back to the cafeteria. We followed him.