Doctor - a zigzag journey

Part 8 - Death - a painful process to witness (continue)

One afternoon, Ah Ba asked me to his bedside. He was curling up like a prawn in the bed because of the stomach-ache.

"Ah Cheong, I know that my days are numbered. Your Ah Ma is looking after all of you so well. You should look after her too," Ah Ba spoke in a weak voice. His words were carved into my memory for the rest of my life.

I spent the afternoon with Ah Ba at his bedside holding his hand. He placed my hand on his drawn-up knees. His fingernails had nicotine smell and stains because he had smoked for many years. I wished to ask him to quit smoking but I didn't have the courage to do so. I would also like Ah Ba to teach me Chinese calligraphy. Besides teaching me how to write my Chinese name, Ah Ba taught me writing the first Chinese word "family". He said that the word must be written nicely and neatly. Otherwise, a family would look messy. That afternoon, he didn't have the energy to teach me calligraphy. He drifted back to his sleep.

I had been absent from school for a few days. Ah Ma would like me to attend class while they looked after Ah Ba. So, I went to school reluctantly.

I walked across the coconut-tree-bridge and noticed that the weeds had withered. The weeds were sad, so was I. I wandered around my classroom thinking of Ah Ba. I could hardly concentrate in the class. During a recess, I saw my cousin waiting outside my classroom.

"Ah Cheong, your Ah Ba is very sick, come back home," my cousin told me in a thick voice with sorrow.

He rode a bicycle; I jumped on the back seat. I felt uneasy and worried.

When I reached home, I saw Ah Ba dying on his bed. He stopped breathing and his body became stiff. We gathered around his dead body and wailed. Tears and sobs filled the entire house. The air was stagnant, making it hard for us to breathe. At the age of 12, that was my first time witnessing the process of dying. Naively, I thought that "a human dies when the heart stops beating. The heart is like a battery in a car. When the battery is flat, we die, because we can't change the heart."

Ah Ba died in 1979 and he aged 59. In that year, Ah Ma aged 50, my eldest brother was 20, my eldest sister was 17, my second brother was 16, my second sister was 14, and I was 12. Ah Ba's death had left Ah Ma with the Herculean task of bringing up five children single-handedly.

My final words for my dear father: "Ah Ba, you left us at this young age. You had been suffering, and this might be a relief for you. We look after this home and Ah Ma. If there is an afterlife, I would like you to be my Ah Ba again. But, you shall promise me that you won't leave us at this young age because I would like you to teach me more Chinese calligraphy, and we would like you seeing us grow up. We would like to see you enjoying your older age. We have only one family photograph with you (see the photo in this chapter), and we would like to have another photograph with you. Also, please promise me that you won't be smoking. OK?  Rest in peace, Ah Ba."

*****

A notable quote:

Marcus Tullius Cicero: "The life of the dead is placed in the memory of the living."

Reference: brainyquote website