Doctor - a zigzag journey

Part 12 - Pre-university

Background: 1980-1986 (Age 13 - 19 years)

A notable quote from an English scientist - Richard Dawkins - says that "Biology is the study of complicated things that have the appearance of having been designed with a purpose." I took many years to comprehend and appreciate the quote. From the lens of a secondary school student in the 1980s, I was curious about many biological processes such as the origin of life, growth, illnesses, aging, and death. The introductory knowledge of cell, tissue, and organ has established a foundation upon which my interest in medicine perpetuates. The long awaited lessons about puberty and human reproduction system were finally delivered by Mrs Natan - a biology teacher. Though the lessons were not in depth, they clarified many myths and doubts that had lingered in my head after the chat with my classmates. Learning the formal terminologies in biology and human body parts had somehow attenuated the embarrassment of discussing the topics. Nonetheless, there were limited or essentially no explicit questions and answers about embarrassing questions. Students were directed to read the recommended text and reference books instead.

Studying and teaching tuition had become my routines. Teaching did and always does enhance my conscientiousness to acquire more knowledge so that I could share the knowledge with my students and answer their questions. I read, memorised, and applied the knowledge diligently. My diligence paid off; I passed my Secondary Year 3 and Year 5 national examinations with flying colours. The excellent academic results boosted my confidence to attempt pursuing medicine if I did well in my pre-university high school examinations. The Shing Chung Secondary School in my town did not offer pre-university class. My academic results had qualified me to attend Clifford High School in another town called Kuala Kangsar which was 22 kilometers away from my hometown (Sungai Siput). Ah Ma was happy with my academic performance and thrilled by the news that I could pursue high school which meant I was one step closer to the door of a university to fulfil my dream - study medicine. She found an accommodation for me to stay in Kuala Kangsar during weekdays. That was my first experience of leaving home to pursue a pre-university course in the high school. I was excited but worried about my adaptability to the new learning environment.

There was a gap of a few months before the pre-university course commenced. I spent the time working as a sales promoter of men's clothes in a supermarket store in my hometown. I officially received a pay check at the age of 19 as an employee of the supermarket. It was a job to earn some pocket money. Serving a wide spectrum of clients ranging from the friendly to the mean ones opened my eyes to the reality in life. Sometimes I felt offended by demanding clients such as a client demanded to refund or exchange his underwear which he had worn. But, having understood that people came from different background had different expectations and demands for the values of their money, I felt less offended. I could not change their attitudes, but I could change mine in order to perform my roles. Explaining the situation and reason to the client in an appropriate tone usually eased the tension, though it had not always led to a complete resolution of the problem.

Meanwhile, I shall mention the addition of a "new life" in our family. She was my first niece (the daughter to my eldest brother). Her name is Shin Yee. She was a bundle of joy, and a "mirror" that reflected the amazing love and care that Ah Ma and her parents showered onto her. She somehow filled the gap in my memory where I could not retrieve trace of image of how my parents looked after me during my infancy. Through her, I could see how a "delicate" baby was protected and loved unconditionally. She slept in a small cradle which was more correctly called a "sarong" that was tied to a spring that hung down from a ceiling - instead of rocking side to side; it bounced gently up and down to "rock" her to sleep. Ah Ma sang her lullaby which I had not registered in my brain when it was sung to me. Then, it was a like replay to me. When I had a runny nose, I was not allowed near her to avoid transmitting the illness to her. We were not to raise our voice near the "sarong" when she slept as that could frighten and wake her up or cause her having a bad dream according to Ah Ma. She was bathed in a plastic basin in which the water temperature had been felt adequate for a baby. The handling of a "delicate" baby in a bath basin was challenging for many people; and it was definitely an appreciative scene to witness. The caring of a baby required skill and gentle care which seemed to be an innate nature in parents and carer (Ah Ma). These images of "baby Shin Yee" that I witnessed made me cherish the unconditional love from my parents and siblings. To me, the love is eternal.

The long awaited pre-university course finally commenced. I had quit from my job as a sales promoter in the supermarket. I packed my luggage and a few books, and travelled to Kuala Kangsar in a bus. First day at the high school, I was humbled by the fact that many of my classmates were top scholars from various secondary schools in the regions. They competed and succeeded in getting a place in the high school. So did I. Their ambitions varied i.e. engineer, doctor, biologist, physicist, chemist, and mathematician. The atmosphere of studying could sometime be collegial where we helped each other in our studies, but sometime it "harboured" a sense of fierce competition among us because we were competing for entry into a university.

There was not much spoon-feeding in the teaching in high school as compared to my primary and secondary school. Memorising and then regurgitating the facts could no longer be a good strategy to excel in the examinations. The assignments contained many open-ended questions that required more extensive efforts to find the solutions. Solving mathematical questions rendered much satisfaction to me because I knew a solution was found when I got the right answer! But some concepts of physics were abstract and hard to comprehend. Without thorough comprehension of the concepts, it was almost impossible to solve the questions. I thought that the biology and chemistry lessons had less abstract concepts and they were easier to comprehend. Nonetheless, pure memorising and regurgitating the facts would not work. Greater efforts coupled with an open inquisitive mind to explore more extensive resources were required to do well. I was struggling with this paradigm shift in pedagogical and learning methods. My ambition to study medicine and my awareness of the sacrifice of Ah Ma and my siblings had prodded me to complete the high school. I knew that completing the pre-university course would never guarantee a place in a university. The fierce competition and the struggle in adapting to the new learning environment placed enormous pressure on me. I was preparing for the pre-university examinations and I often burned the midnight oil. Nonetheless, I wondered was I a step closer to the door of a university?