Letting Go

Ego and Depression

Kane's POV

It's been three days with the fight and I've barely moved from my bed, only to use the bathroom and maybe brush my teeth so my mouth won't feel like death.

Because I lost the one thing that was finally going to prove to everyone, my family Dillan and even myself that I saw my a fuck up. That I could do what I wanted to do ever since I was little and not get bashed for it because I won in fortnight of all of them.

Except I didn't.

Not only didn't I win but I lost so bad I couldn't even finish the second round. It was so bad, all it took was one punch before I was out.

I turn on to my side, facing away from the window as the light shines in. I don't want to get up, I don't want to do anything tiento than take my pills and go to sleep.

Dillan made sure I got home okay that night after they realized me from the hospital. And he made sure I was okay through the night but I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore after I failed him twice.

Because this wasn't just my dream for me anymore. This was starting to become a dream for the two of us. I wanted this to ben come something that would mark another milestone in our relationship. I want to be successful so that the two so us can be together and happy and I can contribute to some way i the then because of the fact that my parents are rich.

And all I did was fuck it up.

I didn't even get to save him form that weird as man that had grabbed him right there in front of my face.

I couldn't do anything right that night and he still was able to check on me and make sure I was okay, making me eat and take my pills and I'm grateful. But it also rubs in the fact that I can't do this for him. It's clear now that if I want your take care of him like I want then I have to give up my dream.

My main focus is Dillan and him being okay and he's not going to be of I can't take care of him and provide for us.

I feel tears come to soak into my eyes and it makes me want to scream and cry, hating myself for the for being so fucking weak. Just as I'm about to fall sleep again, I hear the sound of knocking on the door, only interrupted by the sound of the doorbell that rings out through the house.

And I know it's Dylan coming to see me.

And I want to see him too.

But not like this.

Not after I failed myself and hun but fucking up so bad and loosing the easiest fight I could have had.

I ignore the sound of the door pounding and just as I think he's going to give up, I hear my phone blaring beside my head, and I groan as I go to pick it up, my head pushing too much for m to ignore it.

"What?" I ask him, my broken sounded and hoarse and brown down as I feel and hearing it makes me want to hang up and go away until I hear the sound of him crying.

"I'm sorry for making you lose. Please just let me back in." His sons are hard to mistake through the speaker but it still doesn't make it make more sense.

"It wasn't your fault." I tell him but he doesn't believe me, the conviction in his voice enough to make my heart squeeze and I make myself get off of the bed, the sound of his tears enough to move me from anywhere.

"You're saying that, but I know. I know." His words stop making sense and limp my way downstairs, my chest aching, along with my heart at having him standing outside my house crying because he thinks I blame him. I could never blame him for anything except being better to me than I deserve. I finally get to the door and hang up, pulling it open to reveal Dillan falling into himself as he holds the phone close to his chest.

When he sees me standing in front of him he launches himself at me, holding on to me tightly as he cries into my shoulder and I hold on to the pain as I hold him close.

I don't tell him about what's going on in my head, just hold him, wishing that I could go back in time, because now, it feels like I'm falling apart and if the evidence in my arms is anything to go off of, he's doing no better.

~~~~~~~~~~
This is definitely getting worse. There's about 7 chapters left of this book I think. I wonder how many of you forgot that this book wasn't going to have a good ending.

Thoughts?

Comments?

QOTD: Which cop show is your favorite?