November 5, 2020
Dearest Jin,
It's raining so hard these days. Thunderstorms make me cry. I don't know, I just feel so lonely when it rains, especially when I'm not at home. Guess what?? My anxiety is attacking me again and it sucks. I'm supposed to have a good time but there's this weight in my chest that I just can't let go. Social media depressed me. Books depressed me. Writing depressed me. I want to talk to someone but there's no one I feel comfortable with. I worry alot about the future and how it will turn out. I'm not supposed to. In fact I've been trying to live in the moment, but my anxiety keeps showing me my long-time prophetic dreams that everything will not be okay in my future. What makes it worse is that it feels like I already know what's gonna happen and I can feel it. It really sucks. And it mostly happens right when I'm about to laugh or get excited about other things. It makes me feel guilty. And it's really worse when it rains. I feel cold and lonely, even when I'm having having fun at work or talking to friends.
Anyway Seokjin-ah, I think this will be my last letter to you. I'm letting you go now. It doesn't mean I don't love you anymore because I do, I really do. It's just that things aren't in line with the time we have now. You've been my comfort for almost four years and I'm never ever been any gladder than I am with you. But things are changing so fast. The flow of time is changing my whole self and the process is fast, confusing, and complicated. I've never been so confused in my life than I am right now. Everything's moving too fast. And you're going away as well. It seems like I mentioned this so many times already and everytime that I did you're still here with me, with us, whole and shining brillianty. But maybe I won't be seeing you next year, who knows. I'm just saying goodbye in advance because I know that I won't be there when it happens. I probably wouldn't know about it.
So anyways, thank you so much for everything. I'll keep you in my memories. I'll keep you in my heart. Forever and always. You are my favorite treasure.
Have a good and beautiful life. 'Til I see you again. I purple you 💜
Forever and Always,
Your ARMY with love
YOU ARE READING
100 Letters To My Future Self
RandomTo anyone who might be reading this: This isn't a story or any other writing piece related to any character or a person other than me, but a diary-kind of personal letters written for my future self to read. Most of the contents here are private but...
