100 Letters To My Future Self

12th Letter: Living With An Older Roomate

Dear Future Me,

Nobody knows how hard it is to live with her. She's the type of person who makes others feel bad about themselves. I don't know, but it's just the way she talks. It's too formal, too adult-like. We don't aways agree on the same things. We always have different opinions about the world, about life, and love. She's always hurrying on her life, always thinking about her future, desperate about making money, and too obsess with her boyfriend. I don't know, it's a good thing actually. But who am I to blame her? She's 7 years older than me and that's one heck of a wide gap between us.
I don't always understand her when she talks about practical things and it always makes me feel so upset about myself because she seems to show me how I should live in order to have a better future. It makes me tired sometimes, especially when I'm making time doing the things I love and she's around selling things online, talking about job oppurtunities, complaining about the loyalty of men, telling me what kind of character and mindset I should develop, and all those adult stuffs in the world.
Heck, she doesn't even like animals. And she doesn't seem to have any hobbies. As I've noticed, she spends her extra time in a day online, and talking to her boyfriend. She doesn't listen to music, doesn't watch movies, she reads but couldn't even finish a book, and she claims that she's a writer but she doesn't even know some grammars and she doesn't even write stories. When she writes, it's too formal and, though it's good it still lack of emotions. She's studying Japanese, but doesn't even watch animes. She doesn't even know who Naruto is. Couldn't even differentiate between Naruto and One Piece. I don't know what kind of passion she has, or if she ever has one. But then again, who could blame her? I'm still a child who's feeling a little lost in the world. I'm glad she's here to guide me on things that I have to do and to show me the path to a better future, but sometimes it's just suffocating. I'm still sufferering from depression, and I'd like to take things easily and slowly. Not hurrying and obsessing. I do need money too, but I'm still young though and everything is still new to me. There are things that I haven't realized yet that she already had. I shouldn't rush because if I do, I might break down somewhere and that's the thing she doesn't understand. Sure, she used to live a hard life and it's probably worse, but we do suffer in different ways.
I still have the heart of a child, and I'm still scared.
Maybe one day, when I reach the age she is now, I'll probably be able to understand her.

Love always,
magicshop

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Edit:

A/N: Ate, if you're reading this, please don't get mad at me. I was just being descriptive.

Okey, let me revised that.

I was being depressed and descriptive. I acted like a loser and I felt so bad about it. It doesn't mean I was looking down on you. I know you are a great person. You were even my motivation to do even better. It's just me and this crazy darkness that I'm feeling inside. I hope you understand that the world you're seeing now is different from the one I'm seeing at this moment. I'm seven years behind and there are things I haven't learned and understand yet that you already did.

So if you happen to find this account of mine and read this, I hope I can still be your friend. I know I don't really deserve to be someone's friend because I always end up ruining their lives but I do hope you didn't think of me that way. Thank you, by the way. I have learned so much from you. And God Bless you in Taiwan. I hope you live the life you always imagine. 😊😘