Not Over You

Birthday parties

I stood outside our house. You heard me, our. I am not giving that up either. I can hear the excited buzz of dozens of kids running through the house. I see Dinah and Normani's car, and Ally's car, and Lucy. She is standing near the door staring right back at me. When my eyes meet hers, she walks over to me. "I have to talk to you."

"About what?" I asked. "Nothing happened."

"I don't know if you forgot what it is like to be with someone drunk, but there is a little issue with what we did on your birthday." She said through gritted teeth.

I furrowed my brows. "What?" She looked at me meaningfully.

"Lauren, we didn't use a condom."

"Holy shit..." I face palmed. "Oh no, fuck. How are you feeling?" I asked. I began to feel her. She felt fine, but then again how was I supposed to feel. It had only been two weeks.
"You don't have any STD's do you?" I asked.

"Yes..." She said. I blanched. Then she chuckled. "Sorry... no. It's just that you were so unconcerned about any of it." I punched her arm hard. "Ouch."

"That's not funny! I didn't think about any of this. I didn't want to." I said as she hugged me.

"Why are you out here?" She asked.

"Because I don't want to go in there and see that my daughter has a better life without me in it."

"I'm so sure you know that's not true." Lucy said softly.

"I'm replaceable." I said.

"Lauren... she wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."

"Well, I'm so sure Camila wouldn't just like it if I disappeared."

"Are you done throwing yourself a pity party?" Lucy asked.

I took a deep breath. "Yeah, okay. I can go in now."

I take the few remaining steps into my house. As I walk through the door, I realized it has been the first time in three months that I have seen it. Nothing is the same. None of our furniture is here. Our family pictures are gone; I've been erased. I stared at the walls.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here, Lauren." I turned toward the one voice I didn't want to hear today. "I... we didn't expect you'd come to the party."

I furrowed my brows. "Why wouldn't I come to my daughter's birthday party?"

My face must have spelled death to Shawn, because I felt Lucy's hand on my back. "Control your temper." She whispered rubbing circles into my back.

I took a deep breath, and when I exhaled I used my biggest fakest smile ever. "Nice to see you again, Shawn."

"Welcome..." oh no that bitch didn't just welcome me in my own home.

His hand was on my shoulder. He was trying to calm me; it only irked me more. "Get off me." I growled.

"You need to calm down, Lauren." Lucy said just as Dinah walked into the living room.

"That bitch had the nerve to welcome me into my own home..." I ranted a little bit and Dinah came over and wrapped her arms around me. "I can't do this... why is she doing this to me?"

"I don't know, Lauren... I just don't know." She said patting my head. Then I was passed off to someone else. More fitting I supposed, she pulled me into the guest room and sat with me there.

"Lo, You can't go in there in pieces. Kamryn can't see you that way, and Camila should never see you that way."

"Mani... Why is she doing this to me?" I asked her and l finally looked in her face. "That fucking stupid ass excuse about being unable to trust me is not it."