Not Over You

Divorces suck

I gently ran a trail of kisses down Camila's neckline and across her collarbone. I could hear her moan but I didn't feel her moan. You know how that is, the vibration from that person you love reverberating from her and into your body making you excited all the more. I didn't get that from her.

I kissed her lips greedily and they felt soft, but cold. My hands ran from her soft supple breast down to her waist and her thighs as I plunged deep within her, at least what I thought was her. Then I was wet or sticky or whatever. My eyes flew open, and I groaned looking around my room.

No Camila. No hot naked body, just a nasty wet sticky pillow that I was hugging to myself. I wanted to cry. I missed my wife. I missed my daughter. Divorce sucks. Okay so it isn't final, and I haven't gotten the papers yet. Camila filed for a divorce three months ago. Now it was up to me to respond. I'm not going to respond. Camila and Miami can kiss my ass.

I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling. I don't want to get up anymore, I can't do this anymore and I really don't want to do this anymore.

This summer has been way too long. I had spent most of in bed, except for the days when Kamryn came to stay with me. Those were my happiest days. I looked at the calendar next to my bed; It was my fucking birthday. "Happy fucking birthday, Lauren." I mumbled then I did cry.

My phone rang. It was Kamryn's ring tone. So I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes before I reached for the phone. I put a smile on my face, and answered the phone. "Hey baby."

"Happy birthday, Momma." Kamryn said cheerfully.

"Thank you, baby." I answered.

"What are you doing today?" Kamryn asked. "No, wait... forget I said that. Please come and get me."

"I will come and get you Kam, just make sure your Mom's okay with that." I said sitting up in bed.

"I knew that would get you out of bed." Kamryn said with a giggle in her voice. "Then we are going out somewhere where there is sunlight."

"We will do whatever you want, baby. Where's your Mom?" I asked

"In the studio, recording some new songs."

"You're not sneaking out Kamryn, ask your Mom before I come and get you." I said and waited listening to her as she walked down to the studio. I could hear the conversation.

"Mom, can I go and stay with Momma this weekend?" Kamryn asked.

"This is not her weekend, Kamryn. No." I blinked hearing Camila's voice.

"But Mom..."

"I said no... your Momma and I have an agreement, we have to stick to it." Camila continued, then I heard Kamryn cry.

"But Mom! Please, it's her Birthday, why are you being so mean?" Kamryn shouted at her then screamed stomping her way up the stairs. "She's going to be all alone!"

"Kamryn!" Camila said through the microphone in the studio.

"WHAT?" Kamryn wailed... that's my girl.

"Give me the phone." My heart quickened, I hadn't actually talked to Camila in a long time. "Lauren... I forgot."

"Oh," I whispered. I couldn't talk to her.

"Happy Birthday, Lauren. Have you got anything planned for today?"

I take in a breath. "Ah... you know, a few things..."

It was her turn to have no words. "Oh," she didn't believe me. "Well, are you sure you're up to being with Kamryn on your special day?"

"I'd rather be with her every day." I said getting a little angry. I almost resented Camila for taking our daughter away. As if she had more rights to her just because she gave birth to her.

"That's funny... you spent an awful lot of time partying with those girls." Camila answered bitterly referring to my wild nights as a teenager. She was still so concerned that I would leave her for another girl, it finally just got to her and she decided to take matters into her own hands. When she got home from tour, she had Dinah serve me with divorce papers.

"What?" I asked. "Why are you being so paranoid? I never even thought of another girl while we were together."

"Right... whatever, come and get your daughter." She hung up the phone.

Ugh that woman drove me crazy. But god help me I still loved her. We have been married for ten years, and now it's over. I just can't accept that. I got out of bed and jumped in the shower. I should probably go and get Kamryn, or I would dissolve to tears again.

Kamryn crushed me in a hug when she ran out of our house. She still lives in our house but there's a for sale sign outside of the gate. The stupid thing is... this whole thing happened so long after we got married that our finances are ridiculously convoluted. She has more money than I do... but I make more money than she does. So I pay child support, and I pay alimony, and I don't want any of this.

Divorce is so ugly; I never want to do this again. "Have her back home tomorrow by ten Lauren, she has soccer."

"Camz, I can take her to soccer... I put her in soccer in the first place, what do you think we did when you were on tour?" I asked, my annoyance still dripping from every word.

"Fine, just make sure she gets there." Camila said slamming the door shut.

"Bitch!" I said under my breath. I wish I hadn't said anything because Kamryn looked at me a little hurt. I sighed, and looked at my daughter. "I'm sorry baby. I'm just frustrated and I shouldn't have taken that out on your Mom."

"I'm not blind, Momma." Was all she said and sighed, "can we go to McDonald's?"

"You got it kid."