and I stand with you

fifteen

The hardest part about keeping secrets is being alone.

That's why my life was becoming sort of bearable, because Draco was enduring the same as I was.

As he cried into my chest, I was whispering to him that everything would be okay.
"Nothing will be alright after this. Nothing is going to be the same." He cried harder, and I started to tear up as well. I hadn't had a good cry in a while, and I was bottling up my emotions - I would burst at any second if I cracked.
"It's going to be alright." My voice cracked, and Draco looked up at my teary face.
"Please don't cry, Octavia." He went to wipe away his tears, but I stopped him, running my thumbs on his cheeks for him.
"Don't tell me not to cry, Draco." I laughed, tears spilling over.
"I'm so sorry you got involved with this." He put his hand behind my head and pulled me into his shoulder. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in, and I felt myself crack.

I didn't realize I was bawling until I heard Draco as he rocked me back and forth.
"Shh, it's okay, calm down." He rubbed my back.
"Why did this have to happen to us? How are we supposed to do this?" I choked, grabbing Dracos shirt.
"I don't know, Octavia. I don't know." He whispered to me.

It was then I realized I had no idea how I was supposed to kill my headmaster. How I was supposed to let death eaters take over the school that had given home to me for years. They would ruin my home, they would kill my friends just how they killed so many others.

Before I could think anything else, I figured out I was having a panic attack. I got off the bed, not being able to take a deep breath and shaking more than my hand ever did.
"I need to leave." I mumbled, auto-pilot taking over as I grabbed my wand and a sweater as Draco started to get up behind me.
"What- no, Octavia, what are you doing?" He grabbed my shoulder and I pulled away coldly.
"I need to leave." I repeated, getting ready to aparate.
"No, Octavia, stop." He continued grabbing my shoulders again.
"Draco, stop!" I tried, but he wouldn't let go. My mind was panicking, and before I understood what was happening, Draco and I were twisting and aparating out of the room. When we landed, my feet didn't hold me, and I fell sideways into cold dirt and my legs landed in the dark waters of the Black Lake. My wand skidded across the dirt and rocks a couple feet away from me, and I felt soreness in my body immediately. I gasped when I felt the cuts across my side and palms, and realized I got the wind knocked out of me. Draco had almost landed nicely, but he tripped on the rocks and fell over next to me. I tried to sit up, and I brought my hand under my side and when it came back out I had blood on my fingers.
"Are you bleeding?" Draco picked himself up quickly and rushed next to me.
"I don't know." I shook my head, pulling my legs out of the water. He turned around and scanned the ground for my wand, picking it up and kneeling next to me. He grabbed both of my hands and pointed his wand on top of them.
"Vulnera Sanentur." He said softly, and I watched as my hands were healed.
"Why didn't you stop when I said to?" He sighed, sitting down next to me. I stared at the blood stilled stained on my hands and though about my side, still cut open. I would be fine.
"Somethings wrong with me Draco." I mumbled, wiping my hands on my shirt.
"What do you mean? Nothing is wrong with you, Octavia." He pulled me into him and I winced.
"You're still bleeding." He looked panicked, and like he could cry again.
"Take off your shirt." He ordered, sitting up on his knees.
"Draco. No, I'm not wearing a bra." I pleaded as he reached for the hem of my shirt.
"I don't care, Octavia. Take it off. I need to heal you." He ordered again. I let him pull my shirt up, and he looked away as I pulled it over my head. I used the fabric to cover my breasts, holding it up with my hands as I laid down on the rocks. Draco turned around, looked at me for a fleeting moment and then away again as he kneeled back beside me. He uttered the spell again, and I felt a deep pain in my side.
"Ohmygod." I groaned, reaching to grab my side. Draco grabs my wrist to stop me.
"Don't touch it, I'm sorry but I have to do it again." He apologizes, interlacing his fingers with mine, attempting the spell. When it doesn't work for a second time, my nails are digging into Dracos hand.
"One more time, sweetheart, I'm so sorry." He squeezed my hand back and I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to breathe through the pain. As he did it a third time, the pain lessened, and I could breath again.
"It's over, you can open your eyes again." Draco laughed, but when I did open them he looked scared out of his mind. My side was still covered in blood, and Draco noticed how scared I looked as well.
"I need your shirt to clean up the blood. I'll give you my jumper." He said softly, pulling it over his head before I could protest. I covered myself with my arm and handed him my shirt. He dipped it in the lake water and rubbed down my side, and I flinched when the cold water touched my skin.
"It's okay." He whispered, continuing what he was doing.
"Do you have any other cuts?" He said and I shook my head.
"Don't lie, Octavia. You know I can fix it right now." He assured.
"I think my back, and my left leg." I admitted, and he had me stand in front of him so he could see my back. He fixed the cuts on my back and applied the cold water again, and again, I flinched to the touch. I got chills down my back, and the sensation tripled when I felt Draco's fingers running up my spine.
"You'll have to take your pants off too." He said from behind me, and I could feel his hot breath around my neck.
"Give me your jumper." I said, turning around to face him. He was merely inches away, looking right down at me. This time, he didn't look away from me. His eyes burned into my skin, and his fingertips touched my stomach lightly.
"Here." He held my shoulder to turn me around, and pulled the jumper over my head.
"Thank you." I said softly, pulling my arms through and turning back around to face him.
"Do you want to go home?" He asks, holding my hand again.
"I don't have enough energy to aparate." I admitted to him.
"That's alright, come here." He opened his arms, and I wrapped my own around his neck.
"Don't let go." He told me. And I didn't.

I held on to Draco like my life depended on it.

And maybe it did.