ALONE.. Remus sanders angst||completed

chapter seven||causing trouble

TW, talk of past suicide attempt, intrusive thoughts, lots censored cursing, unsympathetic! Roman, cutting, tell me if I missed anything

"Sh*t, st*t sh*t." I say honestly disappointed in myself.

"You weren't supposed to find out, I'm not supposed to live." I mumble in my hands trying to suppress my flow of tears, I wasn't working as well as i hoped.

"Hey kiddo there is no need to cry, you're safe now." Patton said, trying to calm me.

Safe? Ha, that's bull sh*t. I would feel much safer alone in my room then with a bunch of people who hate me, pretending to care because I'm hurt.

"F*ck off." I say jumping over the couch and attempting to run outside to the dark side, but ultimately failing and falling on the ground due to the lack of blood in me.

"Woah! Kiddo be careful you're going to hurt yourself!" Patton says running around the couch. I honestly hate him in moments like these.

"I'm not your damn kiddo so f*ck. Off!" I yell at him trying to get up but shaking too much to stand up. can't stand? Ok next alternative then. I start crawling towards the door. That's until someone speeds in front of me and blocks the door. Honestly how much do they want to torture me?

I look up at the person at the door very shakily. Seriously Logan too?

"It would be not recommended if you were to run off in your condition." Logan says in his damn teacher talk that i could usually understand but it just isn't processing though my head very well today.

"Out of my way f*ckward." I tell him not wanting to deal with anyone right now.

"What's a- You know what never mind." He looks at me with a stern look. "It would be very unhealthy if you were to run off with proper care. In your condition you'd probably be dead in less a day on your own." That teacher talk again. Ugh now I have to translate it. He probably said something like ' you're pretty crazy right now and need help to live' or whatever.

"I said out of my way!" I really wasn't tolerating anymore bull sh*t today.

And apparently neither was he because he just sighed and picked me up like some small child.

"Let. me! GO!" I yell at him flailing around like a small child. If he was going to treat me like one then I was going to act like one.

He set me on the couch and I was ready to run.. Or crawl. But instead he holds me down, and this nerd is a lot stronger than i thought.. Or I was not at my strongest. It has been awhile since I did anything active.

Why don't you just let me go!" I yell in his ear, maybe that will make him lose his grip on me. It didn't.

"Rem... please just let us help" I look up to the side which the words belong to....Janus... i really should be mad at him i really should! This is all his fault isn't it? And sure i did feel kinda mad but mostly... relieved? Happy? I honestly didn't know what i was feeling but before i even knew it tears were streaming down my face again.

He looked very surprised to see me cry. I haven't cried before until recently so i'm not surprised by this, but there was so much guilt in his face, maybe he didn't mean for this to happen.

Let's be honest here no one should care about you. And anyone who seems to is just being pitiful.

The voice is back, not happy about that but i know it's right. Why would anyone care, they shouldn't.

I let my head fall as I try to hide the waterfall of tears running down my face.

"Please..." I cry, my voice is wet and shaky. "Just let me die..." The tears were unstoppable at this point, they just kept coming and coming.

I hear a lot of soothing voicing and Logan's grip on my loosens as they all attempt to 'help' me. I just tune them out, not listening to a word.

I tune back in as I hear footsteps coming down the stairs, I look at everyone in front of me. Everyone is here but Roman. I looked over to the staircase and there he was, the better brother standing right there looking rather annoyed if anything. Good, with me in the room he should be.

"Looks like the suicidal trash gremlin is awake." he looks at me unsympathetically. The what? That did make my heart drop. But you'll never catch me admitting it.

"Roman!" Patton yells at him in his stern 'dad' voice.

"Don't yell at him, he's right." I say a lot louder then i wanted to, i wanted that to be kept to myself but everyone seemed to hear.

Patton immediately starts trying to sooth me. This was getting old.

"See! He even agrees with me!" Roman says with a big, empty smile on his face. At least he wasn't pitying me like everyone else.

"Just let him die like he wants too." ouch that hurt, still better then the pitying though. But despite that fresh tears make their way down my face.

"Roman that's enough!" Janus scolds him this time.

I start itching my wrists. The urge to cut getting unbearably strong. It was very uncomfortable. My blood wanted to be free so badly.

I looked up and everyone was yelling at Roman while he was yelling back, perfect. I quickly and quietly crawled to the kitchen and got a knife, hiding behind the counters. I start to cut.

The blood was running down my arms and honestly it was a relief. I didn't know how much longer I could go with everything going on.

"Wait- GUYS!" I heard Virgil say in his demonic voice. "Where's Remus?!" damn he noticed. I heard a lot of footsteps, after about ten seconds Janus was standing right in front of me. sh*t.

"Remus no!" He yells, grabbing the knife away. "Logan can you help bandage Remus up?!" He yells into the living room. I don't need help. I'm not a baby. But Logan quickly runs to the bathroom and comes back with a first aid kit.

Sh*t like this went on for hours. Id freak out everyone: would pity me, Roman says something: they all yell at him, I try to escape: they catch me. For. hours.

After a while I start calming down and one by one they go to bed. I really wanted to escape once they all left but i was way too drained to do sh*t. So I just layed on the couch in hopes of sleeping. But that damn voice just wouldn't let me.

After about an half an hour I heard footsteps coming down the stairs and there he was, the one and only Roman. The voice started to get really bad.

He walked over to me wordless then stood right in front of me. By surprise he picks me up by the collar of my shirt and makes me look at him dead in the eye.

"Next time you should make sure to finish the job" His voice perfectly intertwined with the one in my head, sounding like one. After that all I heard was a loud thud and everything going black.

That's where I recognize the voice from...