ALONE.. Remus sanders angst||completed

chapter sixteen||Voices

TW, censored swearing, intrusive thoughts, mention of rape, panic attack tell me if i missed anything

I woke up a little dizzy and looked around me. I'm in the light sides house? But wasn't i at the pit? How could they have saved me this time? Patton was crying and everyone else looked generally worried or shocked, and where's roman?

"What's going on?" I ask.

"Oh! Remus, you're awake!" Janus says.

"Yah i know, that doesn't answer my question." My fuse isn't very long today. "Why is Patton crying?"

"Because he banished Roman to the dark side." Virgil said very straight to the point.

"Yes Patton had to banish him due to him being the one giving you nightmares that made you extra suicidal." Logan explains.

"Wait, he what?" I'M now very confused.

"Remy explained to us that in the nightmare you had before you ran off, roman entered your dream and gave you the idea to jump into the pit of forgotten memories." Logan explains some more.

"Wait now Remy's in this??" I get even more confused.

"He was the one who brought you here." Logan clears up.

"Soo... Remy entered my dream, heard where I was going, brought me here, and then explained that Roman was in my dream so Patton has to banish him?" I ask.

"Precisely."

Patton stood up straight and wiped his eyes, banishing my brother must've really hurt him. They all started talking but i didn't pay much attention, i didn't even know what they were talking about. Then my mind started wandering....

Kill them

Hurt them

Rape them

Rip off Janus's scales

Tear Logan limb from limb

Dissect Patton like a frog

Rip out Virgil's organs and eat them

Smash them all with your morningstar

f*ck their dead bodies

Use them

Kill them

Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill them Kill-

"SHUT UP!" I yell at the voice covering my ears and slamming my eyes shut. "Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up-" I continued to mumble under my breath, they were too kind to me. I didn't want to hurt them.

A flood of tears fell from my eyes, it was burning a little. The voice just kept getting louder, gosh i want it to stop.

I heard muffled voices, probably the others but I couldn't make it out. The voice was so much worse than usual, it hurt. The muffled voices got a little louder so I opened my eyes a bit and saw logan.

"Logan?" I said in a very small voice. He responded but I couldn't hear it. "I can't hear you."

I look a little shocked with my response and am probably trying to think of ways to communicate with me. He motions to his breathing then puts up four fingers. I breathe in for four seconds. He puts up seven fingers, I hold for seven seconds or at least I try to my breaths are still really choppy. He holds up eight fingers, I breathe out for eight seconds again my breaths are choppy. We did that till I got my breathing under control and my hearing came back.

"Can you hear me now?" he asks.

"Yes I can." I responded, the voice wasn't gone but it was quieter and not as hard to ignore.

"Good. now do you mind sharing what happened?" He asks me.

"Yah." I start thinking about how I will word this. "I zoned out and then the voice came back a-and started telling me things and it got really loud."

"The voice?" Virgil asks, that's right i dont think ive told them.

"I have a voice in my head that says all of my intrusive thoughts. To be more specific the thoughts I want gone." i explain.

"The intrusive thoughts hurt you?" Patton asks, pretty concerned for me.

"Yah sometimes, they've been really bad after Janus le-" I stop talking not wanting Janus to blame himself.

"So this is my fault!" Janus says emphasizing on the word 'is'. "Why do i have to always make the wrong choice!" Patton stares daggers at him, I don't know why though.

"It's fine Janus you didn't know this would happen." I told him, he didn't listen.

"No! This is my fault! I knew about your abandonment issues and I still left! And without a proper goodbye!!" He raises his voice.

"Jan please calm down, yelling doesn't solve anything." Patton says.

"Yeah you're right. That still doesn't erase what i've done." Janus looks really guilty. I feel pretty bad, this isn't his fault.

Its always my fault.