Before you (Fred Weasley)

CHAPTER 87

This was the first time I was looking at myself in the mirror after a month. Whenever I came to the bathroom, I refused to look at my reflection, afraid of what would be staring back at me. Things were almost the same as they were last week. The only difference was that now I could walk. All of my physical injuries had finally healed but mentally, I felt the same.

George, Mrs. Weasley, Hermione and Ron were currently in the hospital wing, next to Fred. He wasn't doing very well today. His heart beat kept fluctuating but he still showed no sign of getting up. The Healers said that his condition was getting worse but I didn't let myself believe them.

I had excused myself for a few minutes, I needed the space. When I saw myself in the mirror, I didn't even have the energy to feel horrified, like I thought I would.

My face was yellowing from bruises and my eyes had sunk into their sockets. The liquid diet I was on for two weeks had caused me to lose an unhealthy amount of weight. The ugly gash on my forehead was now turning into a long white scar.

Very slowly, I forced myself to clutch the hem of my t-shirt and lift it up. My breath hitched in my throat when I saw the large, dark bruise on my stomach. I immediately covered it up, not wanting to look at it again.

I finally decided to take a shower, hoping to feel better after one.

When I was done taking a shower and putting on a fresh set of clothes, I stepped out of the stall. I could hear a beeping noise coming from a bit further away, a very familiar beeping noise. It was getting faster and faster, louder and louder.

No.

I immediately dropped whatever I was holding and ran as fast as my legs could take. Please don't let it be what I think it is. Anything but what I think it is.

When I entered the hospital wing, what I saw knocked all the breath out of my chest.

There he was, sitting up on the bed, back propped against a pillow, a dazed expression on his face.

"Fred!" I cried, running towards his side, taking his hand in mine but he didn't react. He only looked at me in confusion.

"Who are you?" he asked. Mrs. Weasley's hand flew up to her mouth and Hermione and Ron gaped at him.

"What do you mean? I'm Alice" I said, what was he going on about?

"Sorry, I don't know an Alice"

"Fred don't be silly, it's me, Alice"

"Like I said", he pulled his hand out of my grasp, "I don't know an Alice"

"Where am I anyway?"

I didn't think it would be possible for me to be buried even deeper in the pit I had already been buried deep in. I stared desperately at Fred, hoping to see recognition flash on his face. But it didn't, he remained quiet, confused.

A healer approached him with an annoyed look on his face.

"Cut it out Mr. Weasley, you're going to give everyone a heart attack and we've run out of healers to take care of any more patients" said the healer.

Fred frowned and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Well you didn't have to ruin the fun" he said.

"You complete arsehole" I said, slapping him on the shoulder and he grinned. But I wasn't amused, I could feel the tears burning in the corner of my eyes. When he saw the look on my face, he frowned immediately.

"I'm sorry Al, I didn't mean to scare you"

"Well you did, you have no idea-" I started to sob and he weakly lifted his arms and pulled me into a hug. Everyone else joined in. For a minute there, I had believed him, I had believed that he was truly gone and the grief I felt was immeasurable.

"I knew you were going to be alright" I whispered.

"Of course I was, I wasn't going to leave any of you and go anywhere was I?" he said quietly.

"I have to call Arthur and Bill and Ginny and Percy, they were all worried sick about you!" said Mrs. Weasley.

"I knew you were acting there" said George, smacking Fred on the back of his head.

"Thank you for not ruining my act, can't say the same for that Healer" said Fred.

"You didn't have to scare us like that" Ron said, placing his hands on his lap. Hermione put her hand on top of his.

Fred glanced at Hermione and then at Ron.

"Hang on a minute" he narrowed his eyes, "Seven years I've been around you, seven whole years, and the whole time I waited for the two of you to get together. Why did you think the right time to start dating  was while I was in a coma?" he said, crossing his arms.

Ron blushed and Hermione glared at Fred, immediately shutting him up.

"Uh, Hermione, Ron, maybe we should give Fred and Alice some privacy" said George suddenly. The three of them left us, George even convinced Molly to give us some time alone.

I didn't know where to start, how to tell him.

"Thank you for saving me" I said.

"You scared me Al. You scared me when you closed your eyes, I didn't know if you were going to open them again" he admitted quietly.

"And you ended up getting yourself in an explosion too"

"I did, but we're all here now, everything's fine"

"Fred I was worried sick about you, the whole month I spent here in the hospital had to be one of the worst in my life. And for George" I said, sitting down next to him on the bed.

"I didn't mean to worry anyone, but everything's okay now isn't it love? Voldemort's gone, we're engaged, we're having a baby, and I'm getting my joke shop back" he said, a smile forming on his face.

I closed my eyes, how was I going to tell him that I had had a miscarriage?

"What's wrong?" asked Fred.

When I opened my eyes, they were watering, I couldn't stop the tears now that I was thinking about all of it again.

"I-I" I tried to get some words out but I was too scared to say it.

"What's going on?" he asked.

It was best to just be straightforward.

"I've had a miscarriage" I said quietly.

All the laughter and the happiness that had been on Fred's face began to dissipate. His hands became limp by his sides when he heard the words that left my lips.

"Say something" I pleaded, I couldn't handle his silence.

Fred wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest. I lifted my legs up on the bed and hugged him, finally feeling complete again.

"I-I'm sorry Fred" I whispered.

"It isn't your fault, It isn't your fault at all" he hugged me tighter.

"I can't believe we lost it" I said quietly.

"But we still have each other, and we're going to be fine"

"I love you Fred" I said, closing my eyes and resting my head against his chest. He was right, we still had each other.

"And I love you"

--