Summer Fun (CLEXA au)

18

Lexa's pov:

Lincoln had called Octavia this morning, asking her to come over and be there for Clarke while we went out to grab some coffee. The truth is, I want to be the one who's talking to Clarke but I don't know if I could even handle that. Every time I think of her I feel this horrible pain in my heart, but I also feel this terrible push to get close to her again. Like I miss her more then my body can handle. We are walking back home now, and I'm genuinely scared for how I'll react when I see her.

"Lexa. Relax." Lincoln said from beside me, and I looked at him and nodded. Lincoln's right. I need to calm down. When we got to the front door, I opened it and Lincoln and I walked in, and into the kitchen. I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Clarke crying and Octavia hugging her.

"Lexa?" Octavia asked, and Clarke quickly pulled away and looked at me. When our eyes met, I felt my stomach drop and I instantly felt sick.

"I Uh- I gotta go." I mumbled before taking off out the back door, and running all the way to the beach. I stumbled through the sand until I found a nice area to sit, and I dropped down into the sand taking a deep breath. The tears quickly threatened to fall from my eyes and I knew I would be crying in a matter of minutes, but still I tried to resist a little bit longer.

I need time to think. Time for myself. I can't be around Clarke, it's way too soon. I still care about her. I still -

"Lexa?" An all too familiar voice asked from behind me. Seconds later, Clarke had sat down in the sand next to me, leaving a good amount of space in between us. Neither of us said anything, and we just sat next to each other for a while, listening to the sound of the ocean. There was a strange peacefulness to the silence between us. Like even after everything we have gone through, none of it matters when it's just me and Clarke together like this. But then I remembered the question that was haunting my mind since the break up. The question I needed an answer to.

"Clarke why did you end things between us?"

Clarke looked me in the eyes and her own started to tear up. "I'm so sorry Lexa, I can't tell you that."

"Why? Clarke I need to know."

"It will only make things worse Lexa. You need to move on from me. Forget I even existed."

"I can't do that Clarke."

"You have to."

"I can't!"

"Why not?!"

"I'm in love with you."

When I realized what I said, I turned away quickly and almost hoped she didn't hear me. This is not at all how I planned to confess my love for Clarke. I never thought it would end like this.

"No." Clarke said, surprising me.

"What do you mean no?"

"I mean no, you can't be in love with me."

"Well I am."

I watched as Clarke started to cry again, and she shook her head no. "Well stop loving me! Please!"

"I can't do that Clarke! That's not how it works!" I argued back, now crying too.

"You don't understand Lexa! You can't be in love with me!"

"Then help me understand Clarke."

"I can't tell you Lex."

"Do you not love me back Clarke? Because that's ok, you just have to tell me."

"Of course I love you! More then anything! You are the love of my life Lexa."

"What? Then why did you break up with me?"

"Because I don't want you to love me!" Clarke yelled back, and she looked truly broken and terrified in that moment.

"Why not? Why can't I love you Clarke?"

"Because Lexa... I'm dying."