billie eilish imagines

Once again, Hi my names Billie.

Trigger warning: Pills.
Read if this will not make u uncomfortable please. Stay safe, i love you.

Billies pov

Its been months, six exactly, since y/n decided that i was too fucked up to keep dating me. I understand it, conpletely. I ghosted her for weeks when i was on tour bcos i lost myself again. I treated her not so good when we did talk so she said that she didn't wanna be with someone who don't know what they want. Understandable.

I have no excuse, she kept trying to contact me. And she sure was in a worse mental health situation than mine, she tried to be there for me when she wasnt even for herself.

Why couldn't i do that too? Well im an asshole thats the answer.

But i need her, She didnt know that.
how would she know if i didnt talk to her?

She needed me too, she has been through a lot.
The worst part is that i knew that and still ignored her. She was on antidepressants when we were dating.

"It hurts billie, being w u hurts right now, thats why im doing this!" She screams from the other side of the room.

Those are the last words i remember from that horrible last conversation we had.

It makes me nervous when people talk about her, imagine how i get when i know shes gonna be around.

ofcourse shes coming to my show today, if i didnt have enough presure this is all i needed.
Zoe told me she is, Julia and carmela were invited by Zoe and drew, they didn't want y/n to know but when she found out she asked if she could come and they all looked at her weird but ofc said yes. So shes gonna be here TONIGHT.

"Billie" My mum calls pulling me out of my thoughts.

"Hm" i hum in respond.

"Soundcheck baby, are you okay?" She asks noticing my sad expression.

"Not since y/n left" i say standing up then leaving towards the stage.

Not one day i stopped thinking about her, ive heard shes been w other girls but never had a gf. i always wanted her to myself.

"Billie focus! You were out of it! What the fuck are u thinking about!" June yelled at me.

"Sorry, sorry i was just- Nevermind can we take a break?" i ask.

"Yes billie we can, we are back in 10 tho so dont  go too far" she replies.

i mumble smt before going to the bathroom.

i splash some water on my face then look at myself in the mirror. I look fine but Ik exactly whats going on w me, and it has the prettiest lips ive ever kissed.
I decide to text her, i dont know if she still has me blocked but she she sure hasnt read the last 30 texts i sent her.
'i heard u are coming to my show tonight' i send. Then put my phone in my pocket.

—————————-

After the sound check i go to the greenroom to chill a bit before the show, Finneas is w claudia so im back here alone.
My phone starts to ring,  'Zoe' i read on the screen.

Not who i want it to be.

"What u want?" i ask.

"Yo chill i just wanted to ask if the girls and i can go hang w u before the show, we are all ready and kinda bored" She says.

"Is y/n w yall?"I ask.

"Yes? I told u shes coming" she answers

"I know i know, um i kinda don't want more stress before going on stage Zoe" I complain, hoping she understands.