𝕓𝕝𝕚𝕟𝕕-𝕤𝕚𝕕𝕖𝕕 (JJ)

❹❶

"JJ, you can't call her crazy when you're the one who fucked her over. I'm not mad, I just hope- I don't know anymore. I hope you wouldn't do that to me," I said quietly, not pleased with the selfish words that had just escaped me.

"I wouldn't do it to you, Stevie, you're-"

"I'm what? I'm different? Every girl deserves respect, no matter what you think of her," I said, my voice still stable and calm.

"I know it sounds bad- I never wanted this to happen. I never wanted this to be how you found out either," JJ said.

"You didn't want me to find out at all," I pointed out.

That was true, he never planned on telling me. He made it clear he would rather I stay in the dark about this, but it was fine.

"No, I didn't. I thought I was protecting you by keeping it from you but I guess I should just come clean," He sighed, and I looked back at him... waiting for him to talk.

"I'm sorry. She's never really forgiven me for it and I fucked everything up. I started telling everyone she made all that stuff up about me and her best friend. Her name was Alyssa and she moved away like a month after the last time we had hooked up."

"She moved away... and you made people believe Riley lied about it. You made her look like a liar and she didn't even have anybody to defend her. Her best friend left and... and you just let her go around like that defenseless."

"It's not like they were that good of friends anyway. What kind of best friend would-"

"JJ, don't go there," I snapped. I knew what he was going to say and I knew I would fucking hate it.

He was genuinely trying. I think I knew that. I knew he was doing his best to be different for me, but I couldn't fix him.

I couldn't try to fix him either.

"I- I don't know what else I can say. People don't even know you, there won't be a problem."

"Are you sorry?" I asked.

"I am. I've never wanted to reverse something I've done so badly ever. And I know it's selfish and awful, but- It's only because of you. I want to be better for you only."

"Why? Why only me?"

"Because I love you, Stevie. I don't want you to see me as some monster, and I never want you to think I'm a dick or hate me," He said, stumbling over his words here and there.

"I could never hate you," I said truthfully.

"Why not?"

I scoffed, not knowing how to answer that. "What do you mean? What kind of question is that?" I asked, dumbfounded.

"I'm not a good person. I honestly question every fucking day why you're even dating me, you can do so much better than me. I'm going nowhere in life, this is it for me. You can do better," He said.

I couldn't form words to say back to him. 

How did I tell him he was being incredibly toxic without actually saying it? 

Maybe he should know, but at the same time... I felt too bad saying something like that. 

"JJ, I don't know how to feel about all of this," I said out of candor. I wasn't lying, I was always perfectly honest with him about how this relationship was. 

After a few long minutes of us just sitting next to each other in silence, I had made up my mind. 

"JJ..." I started, and he turned his head to face me right away, making this so much harder. 

I tried not to look into his eyes, it made it more difficult. 

"I love you, but I think we should take a little break from this. We're just- this is all going so fast. All of this information hasn't made me hate you but I'm overwhelmed. Can we just... cool it for a bit? Start school without being attached at the hip?" I offered, biting my lip out of nervousness. 

He looked at me stunned for a moment, which was understandable, but I had to look away. 

I was already fighting back tears. 

"If that's what you want, yes. Of course," He said simply. 

He then stood up, kissing me lightly on the top of my head before leaving the room. Leaving me to my own thoughts. 

This was for the best. 

I think. 

★★★

HEY! So so so so so so sooooooo sorry this took a while. I was taking a break for my mental health, but I'm back. I love you guys, thank you for being so understanding, and regarding the A/N I posted a while ago, you guys are so amazing. Thank you for the support. XOXOXO!