What Could Have Been (vigilante deku)

8

"You work here too?"Kirishima asked as he took a look around the cat café with a smile.

Izuku nodded and clocked in before taking his shirt off. He had a fitted black undershirt on so he didn't feel any shame.

He stuffed his vet uniform into a plastic bag so he wouldn't get any animal hair in his bookbag or on his other uniforms and took out his café shirt.

"Woah bro, do you work out?" Kirishima asked, mind blown at how Izuku was even more packing then he was.

Izuku pulled his shirt on and shrugged with a small blush. "Something like that."

He was in the middle of putting his apron on when the door flew open and an angry Carly stomped in, Binx following behind.

She didn't stop to greet Izuku, she just clocked in and hurried to the back.

"What's up with her?" He asked Binx as he made those promised free coffees for his new acquaintances.

Binx just rolled his eyes and sat on a stool in front of the counter. "Her date totally stood her up earlier."

Izuku made a 'oh' face as he slid the coffees to Kirishima and Ashido.

"Whoever stood up Carly doesn't know what she's capable of." Binx said and stared into space, probably picturing all the ways Carly could kill someone before shivering.

Izuku just laughed and leaned his elbows on the counter.

The door jingled and he smiled, ready to greet the customer.

"What can I get for you today?" He asked politely only for his face to fall as he realized who it was.

"Damn it." Binx mumbled and burried his head in his arms. "Here we go again."

Izuku internally groaned as he quickly took off his apron and ran to his dad who was standing by the door, drunk as always.

He gently pushed him so that they were outside and closed the door behind him. "Hey, what do you need?" He asked as softly as he could. Careful to not upset him.

He hated the embarrassment he got everytime his dad shows up at any of his jobs. It gets exhausting, really.

"Don't make your presence known tonight. I have someone over. You know what, just don't come home." He spat at him and turned back around and walked away.

Izuku grimaced at the spit on his shoe. "Ew." He mumbled before walking back into the café.

He forced a smile for his friend who was giving him a knowing look from his stool and walked behind the counter. He grabbed a napkin and bent down and wiped away the spit on his shoe.

He couldn't go home. What was he going to do?

He could do vigilante work all night since he didn't have anything to do until his doctors appointment at 12 tomorrow.

Yeah. That's all he could do. He didn't want to burden his friends by asking to stay at their places, especially since he's already always out until really late anyways. He couldn't go to their house at 4 in the morning and accidentally wake them up.

He'd feel bad.

"Ooh, do you guys have pancakes?!" Ashido asked excitedly, clapping her hands together.

Izuku smiled with a nod. "I can give you a breakfast menu and you can chose whichever you like best."

She nodded and Izuku brought her the menu. He turned to Kirishima who was watching his best friend with a smile.

"Is there anything else you want?"

Kirishima looked away from Ashido to Izuku and furrowed his eyebrows. "Oh, no thank you. A coffee is fine."

"Are you sure? It's on me."

Before Kirishima could object Carly's voice came from the kitchen. "Izu, I know you're kind and all, but you gotta stop wasting your money on strangers and buy something for yourself."

Izuku glared down at the table and pouted. "Mind your business!" He yelled back before his anger vanished from his face and he went back to smiling at Kirishima.

Forcing smiles and hiding his feelings came easy to him now. Maybe bottling things up wasn't healthy, but he didn't want to go announcing his depression to anyone.

No one had to know.

That's how it is. He was alone in the world.

He gave help but never accepted it from other people. He gave advice and comforted others but never burdened anyone with his problems, not even when he felt like breaking down and rambling about his shitty life.

He was dying.

The cancer was slowly killing him.

He didn't want to leave holes in the people he left behind. It wasn't many people that he let care for him, but it was enough to make him hate himself for dying.

Who is gonna listen to the twins rage when they're mad at each other? Who is gonna help Lee bathe the dogs? Who is gonna give money to the homeless beggars by the bus stops?

Who was going to go grocery shopping for his dad? Who was going to pay his bills? Who was going to make sure he took his anger out on their self and not some stranger?

Who was going to work the desk at the library? He and Milo were the only ones who even worked there. Who was going to make sure the fantasy and sci-fi books didn't get mixed?

Who was going to direct people to where the kind of books they liked were? Who was going to add the right amount of butter on their popcorn at the movies?

Who was gonna suggest the best things showing at the theatre?

Who was gonna take the time to color with the little kids who came to the library? Who was going to help the kids and teens who came in that didn't know how to work the computers? Who was going to ride to the hospital with Milo and read to sick kids and elderly people?

Who was it? If he was gone, who?

It wouldn't be surprising if they all forgot about him. They could all replace him. He didn't actually mean anything.

He was just a good worker and listener. He was just good at coming up with wise words that made people feel better. He didn't mean anything.

He was just a spec of pollen floating around in a field of a hundred beautiful flowers.

No one looked at him. No one paid attention.

If they did, they'd see the pain behind his smile. The suffering and self torture he hid behind the shields of his eyes.

No one really cared.

Like he said,
he was alone.