✓ | WITHERED BONDS, shigure sohma [Fruits Basket]

Chapter Thirty Nine

Kira had no will within her to step out of the bedroom, because of the current situation just outside at the deck. She was keeping Kisa company but went into her bedroom for a few minutes to place the books they were reading back.

She ended up hearing Yuki and Hatsuharu who was walking through the living room talking about a letter from Kisa's teacher. It was that topic that caused Kira to step back from opening the door and leaving.

            "What does it say?" Hatsuharu spoke after a few minutes.

            "Sohma, how are you? Will you be coming to school soon? Everyone in the class is waiting for you to come back. You can come to me for advice, so won't you try harder to join everyone?" He read out before stopping midway," It really does want you to vomit"

            Yuki was then next to take the letter, which Kira had figured since he started to read it as well, but not loud as Hatsuharu, but enough for her to hear," And what's most important is for you to like yourself, Sohma. To find the good things about yourself, and to like yourself for who you are...because people who don't like themselves can't expect others to like that"

For a few minutes, there was another set of silence.

            "There was a time...when I stopped talking. Just like you. My reasons were a little bit different, but I think the feelings of being ashamed of myself and hating myself...are the same. Here it says to 'like yourself' What does that even mean?" Yuki let out a bitter laugh," Good things—Are supposed to find them? I only know things that I hate about myself. Because that's all I know, I hate myself"

              Yuki stopped for a bit before letting out a sigh," But...even if you force yourself to find the good things...it feels so empty...It just doesn't work that way. People like your teacher just don't get it. I think...when you hear someone say they like you, for the first time...then that's when you can begin to like yourself. I think when someone accepts you, for the first time...you can feel like you can forgive yourself a little. You can begin to face your fears, with courage"

Kira felt each pain within him, Hatsuharu and Kisa as those words were said.

            "Sometimes I ask myself, what exactly is the curse" Hatsuharu whispered," But then I realize that I can't answer it"

Kira had remembered the conversation between Shigure and Hatori on the day of the teen's entrance ceremony. She was asleep in the other room, but when she had woken up, she had heard the short conversation between them.

            "Tohru asked me, the day when she went to visit you, 'What exactly is the curse?' and while I wanted to give her an answer, it was impossible. She is aware that it's not as happy as she thought it was, but when she asked me that question, I felt so jealous of her. I mean, it's not like I've never felt it before, but when she asked that I was enraged. It took me a few seconds to realize that even with the freedom I think I have, after being kicked out of the main estate, I am probably the most cursed"

            "The most cursed?" 

"Hatori, she is the one that I love the most, but hate at the same time. I would do anything for her, even if I have to hurt her sister in the process"

            "If she heard that—

            "She won't" Shigure cut him off with a dry laugh.

Kira had not done or said anything after it, because she knew it. She knew that Shigure would stop at nothing to use her and she continued to tell herself that she was using him as well.

However the uneasiness that she had not been a stranger to had formed on her chest, yet again.

The indescribable and unexplainable feeling that only made her anxious.