Your Creation • Zarry

47. Call me Icarus

"I dunno why you are so cute for but I do love these dimples," he continued, sitting up and grabbing my face with both hands. He proceeded to kiss each one of my cheeks before planting another kiss on my forehead, his fingertips dancing softly at my curls, which were starting to get longer.

"I love the way you love me," the words fell right out of my mouth instantly, just an automatic response as I found myself gazing into his almond shaped eyes and there I was, still getting lost inside of him.

Zayn smiled softly and leaned in, pressing his lips to mine, closing the gap between us as I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me closer to him. I moved my body onto his, straddling him on the couch as we continued to kiss each other, his hands on my hips, squeezing the small bits of love handles that never seemed to go away.

"I don't want you to go," he breathed in between kisses and I groaned into his mouth, my tongue sliding against his. I didn't want to leave him either. I wanted to stay there in that moment forever.

"I'll always be with you, even when we're apart," I responded, withdrawing my mouth from his to speak. Zayn's hands removed themselves from my hips and wrapped around my lower back, pulling me in closer as he pressed himself against my chest.

"I need to feel your energy all the time. Everywhere I go, I need to feel it next to me," he said quietly.

I softened and ran my fingers through his tousled hair, closing my eyes tight and dreaming about a place far far away where we could go. If only we could run away where no one could find us and just be together on some island... If only.

"In the sky, in the wind... all around you. I'll be there any time you're needing me. I promise."

I swallowed hard, feeling my heart grow heavy. I never loved anyone as much as I loved Zayn Malik - it consumed me. It made me want to smile, laugh and cry at the same time. It made me want to rip myself into a million little pieces and do anything and everything I had to do to make sure that we would always be together somehow, some way, no matter what our management said, no matter who were to be seen with, no matter who or what stood in the way - I knew that what we had was special and real. Nothing could tear me apart from him. Nothing.

Zayn looked up toward me and smiled softly, making my heart flutter again.

"You know the story of Icarus?" he asked.

"Yeah, that's the one who flew toward the sun and his wings melted, right? And then he fell into the sea."

I chuckled because I wasn't sure where he was going with this sudden bit of Greek Mythology but at the same time, it wasn't unusual for Zayn to bring up random conversation topics out of nowhere and I loved him for it.

"Did you know there is some version of this story where the sun is actually Apollo. And Icarus and Apollo were lovers, but Icarus wasn't allowed to love Apollo yet he flew toward him anyway, but was burned by their love."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Are you saying I'm Apollo?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying. And I will burn for you, you know."

I shook my head.

"But you don't have to, Zayn. And if you fall, I'll catch you."

"But will you?"

I furrowed my brows. What was going on with him? Why was he acting like this out of nowhere?

"What's the matter with you, why are you questioning me? Of course I'll bloody catch you. I love you, idiot. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you or us. And fuck you, by the way. If anyone is more like Apollo, it's you sunshine, not me."

Zayn snorted.

"You don't see yourself the way I see you or the way the world sees you, but you'll understand one day. When I say that you are Apollo and I am Icarus, I mean it. Trust me."

Zayn and I spent the next hour having sex before he took off and let me pack for my flight to Los Angeles that evening. I kept thinking about what he had said earlier and wondering why he doubted that I would catch him if he fell.

Had I not proven to Zayn all this time that I was down for him? That I was all in?

I knew that Zayn was an anxious person by nature and maybe he was just afraid of what we had, and maybe I didn't blame him. The more I thought about our connection with each other, the more intense it felt. It's like we were two halves of one whole.

But being this in love with someone was frightening because there was always a possibility that it all could end up going very wrong. There were no guarantees in life and Zayn and I wanted more than anything to believe that we were strong, that we could get through anything. We could deal with whatever PR stunts were thrown our way, whatever roles in the film we were given. We could do it. Couldn't we? We loved each other. That should be enough.

But the consequences of falling out ended up being something that I eventually had nightmares about.