Your Creation • Zarry

37. New York

Perrie showed up to both of our shows at Jones Beach in New York. Seeing her shining face in the crowd making heart eyes at Zayn on stage made me wanna throw up. I hardly slept both nights, tossing and turning with anxiety and frustration. It seemed like all I was doing was boxing and viciously working out because I had so much pent up inside of me and I really needed an outlet for it.

I hated sharing. I'm selfish.

We had two days off in between our next gig and Lou Teasdale had asked me if I wanted to go with her into the city with her and her friend Kara, so I jumped at the opportunity in a heartbeat; I just really just wanted to get away from everything.

Naturally, the paparazzi pretty much followed us everywhere.

"Is it always like this?" Kara asked me as we stood inside the Apple store.

Flashing lights were going off from the cameras and dozens of fans were banging on the windows while I checked out the new IPhone.

"Pretty much," I answered, looking up from the phone I was holding.

I gave the crowd a wave and resumed browsing the new features.

"You'll be dating Harry by tomorrow," Lou added, nudging Kara with a short laugh.

"Oh yeah, totally. You'll be my new girlfriend. Be prepared for that," I replied with a grin.

"Is that so bad?"

I raised my eyebrow at her. Was she flirting with me? To be honest, Kara was pretty. She was 19, a model, and so far I was enjoying hanging out with her. She was laid back and didn't seem to mind the fact that we were being followed and hounded by hoards of people. Of course, being who I was, I was never allowed to have a female friend without the media deciding that I was dating her.

"You let me know when your twitter account and social media gets flooded with tons of hate from jealous One Direction fans."

Kara's eyes widened and I chuckled. Nothing about my life was normal anymore.

I ended up purchasing the new phone and we tried to make our way through the crowds and into the car as fans were grabbing onto my shirt and shouting. We finally returned to our hotel and chilled out watching TV for awhile before dinner that evening.

I was sat on my phone aimlessly scrolling through my twitter feed, reading weird tweets when my text message notification went off.

Zayn: Hey..

Me: Hi. How are you?

Zayn: Fine. What are you doin???

Me: I just got a new phone. Hanging out with Lou and Kara. Grabbing dinner soon.

Zayn: Cool.. I miss ya

Me: Miss you too.

Sometimes I didn't even know what to say to Zayn. I wasn't mad at him. I understood the dynamic of our relationship, but sometimes I felt moody about it all. How could he just so easily juggle me and Perrie at the same time and act like everything was okay? Whenever we were together he acted like she didn't even exist, but then I'd get reminded that she does and he'd just go off with her and ignore me until she was gone. And I was allowing it to happen. I was doing it to myself. There had to be something wrong with me. Maybe I was an emotional masochist.

Kara was definitely flirting with me during dinner that evening and Lou kept looking at us with this smirk on her face.

"So...how do you want to spend tonight? Should we have some drinks later? Maybe throw a little party?" Kara asked me.