Your Creation • Zarry

26. Surrender

I tiptoed quietly to his hotel room and knocked on his door in our secret code, so that Zayn would know it was me. Then I waited, and waited. Maybe he was asleep. I knocked again to the beat of "Come Together," a little louder this time, but still nothing. I sighed and went to turn around but as I did, Zayn cracked open the door.

"Hi," I greeted him, noticing that he looked rather exhausted.

"Hey."

"Can I come in?" I asked, hoping he would let me.

"Yeah."

I followed Zayn inside and he gravitated towards the bed, crawling back into the position where he had obviously been laying. He laid there in a pair of boxer shorts with Spiderman on them and a plain black t-shirt and I thought about what a nerd he was loving comic books the way he did but I liked that about him. Zayn patted the space beside him, motioning for me to sit down so I climbed in and crossed my legs out in front of me, my head lounging back on the headboard.

"Are you okay?" I asked him earnestly.

"Why? Did you hear everything earlier?"

"I heard you and Perrie arguing a bit, yeah."

"I'm so confused," Zayn said with a sigh while closing his eyes and looking frustrated.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. It's like whenever I'm with Perrie lately, it just feels different. Like, I obviously care about her but there's just...I don't know. Something missing I guess. I don't know what it is. It's hard to explain," he replied, his head on the pillow but eyes staring up at the ceiling and not at me.

I nodded slowly but felt unsure of what to say. Despite our past intimacy and how I felt about Zayn deep down, even though I was trying to fight it, I still prided myself in being a good mate above all else and if he was going through something, then I needed to be there for him, to listen, to try give him a space to sort it out to someone who genuinely cared, but I was afraid of saying the wrong thing.

"Well, do you actually think that Perrie is using you? Like, her reasons for being with you aren't entirely genuine," I said, inching my way into the idea and hoping that I wouldn't be offending him.

Zayn shrugged.

"I don't know anymore, but I wouldn't be surprised. She claims she loves me, but I have this gut feeling she has other reasons for being with me sometimes because like, she just talks about her band all the time and then there is all this pressure Modest has put on me to promote Little Mix and help out. She does it too. Hey babe can you tweet about our single? And all she does is want to be seen together in public but then she complains about my personality and it's like, if she loved me then she'd accept me for who I am, do you know what I mean?"

I didn't want to give him my opinion on Perrie because I didn't want to influence his thoughts on her during a moment of weakness for him, so if he wanted to doubt Perrie then it had to be because he genuinely felt that way and not because I did or because I said something that fueled those thoughts. So I just did all I could do, which was try to make him feel better.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with who you are. You're perfect to me."

Zayn was perfect to me in so many ways, like the way he had such quiet introspection and thought so deeply about things, but you'd never know it. The way he came across as tough and unbothered, when he was actually quite caring and soft. The way he had such a broad range of intelligence and a clever sense of humor, both of which were so underrated. The way that he loved comic books, super heroes and cartoons with the same purity and passion as a child. The way that he laughed whenever he got into one of his kooky moods. The way that he wasn't a fan of media attention when it wasn't necessary. Whatever his imperfections were, I didn't care to see them and personally, I didn't think that they mattered.

Zayn looked over at me then and although I had been trying to avoid meeting his eyes for longer than a few seconds, I couldn't resist this time and returned his stare. A smile crept onto my face and I couldn't control it, but he quickly looked away.

"I feel like an alien. Sort of like, I don't fit anywhere, really, which I don't mind, but then I'm misunderstood. Like, Perrie doesn't get it."

I nodded knowingly.

"I feel that way too, sometimes. There's everyone else's perception of you or the ideal image of who people want you to be and then there's the real you. It's better to not fit in than to be like everybody else. That'd be boring. You just have to know that the people who want to understand you, will."

Zayn's big brown eyes suddenly met mine again and just like that, I felt that familiar, warm energy prickling my skin again and I nearly lost my breath. I gazed back at him and neither of us were looking away. I licked my lips and pressed them together, trying to restrain myself from getting caught up in his energy but my heart rate was increasing and we were just laying way too close. I watched as Zayn sat up and slowly started to lean in towards me, his lips inching close to mine.

"Zayn..." I began to say, but I was silenced once his lips pressed against mine for a long second.

He withdrew himself from me, but still remained close to my face.

"Okay I cant hide from this anymore. All I've been doing is thinking of you like, all the time. Even when I'm with Perrie, you're on my mind and it's annoying because when she doesn't get me I just think well Harry would get it. I know what we said about no feelings but honestly, fuck it. There is more between us than just sex and we both know it and..."

And that's all I needed to hear. I leaned in and cut him off, kissing Zayn deeply while my hands cupped either side of his face. Every feeling inside of me was just happiness as our tongues danced together passionately, the rush between us sky rocketing at full force and I couldn't even stop smiling in between kisses. When we finally released our lips away from each other, I was on cloud nine.

"So you do fancy me more than just a booty call," I said, grinning with satisfaction.

"Maybe just a little bit," Zayn replied.

"So...what does this mean now?"

"I don't know. I think it means that no matter how hard we try to avoid whatever this is between us, we obviously can't. We'll just end up in a cycle and it'll keep coming back around to us every time."

I beamed hearing him say this. Zayn did feel how I felt about us. I wasn't the only crazy one obsessing over him and thinking about him all the time and it felt like my heart had just doubled in size.

"Can we stop fighting this now?"

"Yeah, we can. I officially surrender."

Zayn ran his hand through my curls as I laid my head down on top of Zayn's chest. I listened to his heart beating a sweet melody to my ears. This is exactly where I wanted to be, wherever Zayn was and in that moment it seemed to be the only place that felt like home. I felt comfortable and safe; it felt right.

"Why me?" I asked curiously.

"I don't know why. It's just you...there's always been something about you."

"It was the juggling, wasn't it? That's how I won you over."

He chuckled.

"In a way, yeah. It's just who you are. You saying random things like that. You're just this rare person. There's nobody quite like you. It's quite annoying, actually." Zayn replied, his finger tips traveling to my side, tickling my ribcage. "It's hard for anyone not to like you, so you can only imagine how hard it is for me."

"I think you're crazy, but I'm glad you are," I answered, followed by a soft smile.

I have always said that Zayn had this energy about him that drew me in like a magnet and I felt it ever since the day we met. Within the last three years of knowing him, that was one thing that had never changed. It still baffled me that our friendship had evolved into a much deeper, more meaningful bond and I knew then that I would never forget that important moment with Zayn in Italy, because it was the first time that I ever considered believing in fate.

I wish that I had been able to spend the night but we both knew I couldn't, so I ended up reluctantly leaving back to my hotel room an hour later. Every time I had done this before, I went to bed with my body feeling satisfied; but now it was my heart that felt full and I swear I had fallen asleep with a smile on my face.