The Beginning of the End - Book One

thirty one

Lidia:
"I—just can't." I tell Mateo, pulling away.
"But you just said—
I cut him off. "I know what I said, Mateo. And I meant all of it. But everything has changed now. We aren't a couple of teenagers who are about to take over the world anymore. And everything is so much more complicated, Maria and Caleb are involved now." A single tear streams down my face before I violently wipe it away. "And it just—I just—can't."
Mateo grabs my hand, forcing me to look up at him again. He looks confused and heartbroken. And I can feel myself quaking on the inside.
He looks into my eyes unwaveringly, stubbornly. I try to liberate from his grip but he won't let me. He opens his mouth, about to say something and then he closes it, unsure. Mateo looks to the ground for just a second.
He fixates on me again. "Nothing has changed. Nothing—has changed." He breathes.
      His chest rises. Finally, he manages. "Five years wasn't enough time to forget you. Walking away from you on the last day of senior year is one of my biggest regrets. Letting it all end like that was one of my worst mistakes. And I didn't realize that until I saw you on that plane, sitting on the corridor seat looking back at me." He shakes his head. "I never thought I would see you again but there you were. So, who cares Lidia?! Who cares." Mateo's arms lift in the air, his voice intense and passionate. "The fact that we're standing here right now can't be a coincidence. Nothing that has happened to us ever was." He glances at the ground again, running a hand through his hair. "Five years wasn't enough time to forget you, Lidia. And I never want to forget you again." His chest falls and I realize Mateo was holding his breath the whole time.
The space of time after feels infinite. I open my mouth to speak, my eyes burning, but refusing for the tears I so badly want released to fall. "I just—can't."
I leave the shelter and Mateo behind me. And the second I am far enough away, I let the tears fall, I let my insides crack and break into tiny little pieces.

Five years ago, senior year...
Sitting on the bus now, a long and emotional school day passed, I can't believe what just happened between me and Mateo. I never thought this would ever happen, in fact, I only ever dreamed about it - creating perfect little fantasies in my imagination.
    But I don't know why I'm even bothering to be happy about this. Because despite everything, he's still leaving for Canada in a week. And there's nothing I can do about it.
     Long distance relationships - or whatever it is we are - never work. And we're going to university in two months, leaving our past behind and beginning something new and unknown.
     There's no way me and Mateo will make it through all of that, considering that we only had a breakthrough ten minutes ago.
     Our timing sucks. It's just not meant to be.
     After everything that happened today, on the last day of high school, in the football field, I watched Mateo walk away.
    I could already feel my heart breaking, tears threatening to fall, but I bit them back.
    I watched him walk away, each time becoming a smaller silhouette as the distance between us increased. Before completely disappearing, he looked back at me. Mateo looked happy but at the same time, empty and sad.
   He looked down at the ground for just a second, almost letting whatever emotions he was feeling take over, before looking back up. Making eye contact for the last time, he lifted his hand. A small smile on his face, he waved and finally disappeared.
    Then it was just me, despite the people around me rushing to get out of school, celebrating the last day. It was just me.
    And I could have broken right there, but I didn't let myself. I walked on, even if my legs felt like they might fall in on each other. Even though my throat had never been holding back such a sob, the pain of wanting to let it out so severe.
   I didn't know until then just how much Mateo meant to me. In the midst of innocent glances in the science lab, in the midst of the childish teasing from our classmates, in the midst of the short conversations we randomly had. He somehow grew into something I didn't want to finalize. He grew into something I could tell would be hard to forget.
    Sitting in the bus, shattering my stupid fantasies, I still had just the slightest bit of hope. The slightest bit of hope that our story was unfinished. The slightest bit of hope that destiny had more planned for us.