The Beginning of the End - Book One

twenty

Lidia
I lay on the float, not being able to tell tears from raindrops on the surface of my cold face, paralyzed by what just happened. The rain crashes down onto my body, but I'm too numb to feel it. My eyes are closed and I'm lost in a world of black behind my eyelids, losing track of time, avoiding any sort of effort to attempt at saving myself.
I try to sleep, to forget, to perhaps leave and never come back, keep my eyes closed forever. The memories hurt, resurfacing, swarming in my head, the flashbacks circling until I can't tell the past from the present. In high school my best friend died because of me. Addison is also now dead because of me.
So much hurt, so much pain, all because of my failure to save them in time. I almost feel guilty for laying here, maybe it should have been me. Why am I still surviving? What could possibly make me more righteous, more important than them to be in this privileged position?

Caleb
When I awake, I can't believe I let myself fall asleep. Readjusting to the sick feeling in my stomach after sleep eliminated it, I stand up, abruptly. Barely noticing a sky still filled with clouds, I'm running to the shelters across the beach. Pain shoots in my legs, and I'm so tired, still wet, my limbs can barely handle the intense force with which I move. But it doesn't matter. I just need to know that they're back. Please let them be back.
Storming into the shelter, dread sinks in even before I gesture toward the spots where Addison and Lidia usually sleep. It turns to devastation when I see that they're still empty, their clothes crumpled but untouched.
I run a hand down my face before acknowledging the others. Mateo is awake, staring at me blankly, while everyone else sleeps, undisturbed.
       Mateo gestures for us to go back outside, until we find ourselves sitting on the log nearby, beneath the palm trees. Mateo struggles with his first words. "Do you think they've..." He can't even finish the sentence before breaking eye contact, his breath ragged.
     I sigh. "I don't know, I called their names until early in the morning." I place my face in my hands. "I just..."
  "I know." He breathes. And somehow, I know he does.
  We let seconds pass by, and I hate every minute of contemplating what comes next. Imagining this island without her, getting home, and knowing that she died at sea trying to save us. I don't think I'd ever get over that.
"I don't think Lidia has—died." He pauses, inhales the humidity in the thick air with difficulty. "She's one of the strongest people I know, always has been. I have faith that this time will be no different."
    And I pray that he's right.

Lidia
And suddenly my eyes flutter open. A glimmer of something lights the ashes of the strength I thought had burned out.
The sun beats down on me and my now-dry clothes. I wonder how long I've been here, floating aimlessly. I press my fingers to my lips, feeling the dry that spreads all the way down my throat, desperate for water. Keeping my eyes open is painfully difficult, the strong rays of the sun makes everything look washed out and white.
Lifting my hand to shade my face even makes my entire arm shake, and I feel the weakness that has accumulated in me from days of having an empty stomach. I learned to ignore it until the hunger vanished, most of the time it was even masked by nerves, but now consistent malnourishment is starting to show in my physicality. I've passed the stage of being hungry, now my body is eating away at whatever it can, minimizing my strength in all aspects.
I take a breath, telling myself that I have faced the worst, and I sit up with caution to avoid tipping over into the calm waters beneath the float, feeling light headed and dizzy, which comes as no surprise. Swallowing almost feels like ingesting sand, and red rashes spread across my extremities. I know I don't have very long. I know my body is not as strong as my mind, which doesn't feel all that fervent, either.
  I look around helplessly, trying to spot land, or even the supplies we had brought, which had food and a first aid kit, maybe even some sunscreen. But, it would be a miracle for those things to still be nearby, having been shaken by the biggest waves I have ever seen, and wind like no other. I have no doubt it was some hurricane. But you survived.
I scream into the void of my existence, into the infinity of the ocean. I am lost, utterly and completely lost. I have no idea what to do. And I witnessed another person die when I could have stopped it. I could have stopped this.
But I'm still here. And even though I never imagined something like this happening to me, I have to go on. I won't let their death remain in vain.

five years ago, the last days of senior year...
I sit in front of my vanity, staring into my reflection, getting ready for high school graduation. I can't believe the day has finally come, the day where I get to know something different, finally end a chapter that gave me more grief than happiness. It's time to move on. That's what she would have wanted.
Hours later, I stand in line by our school stage, waiting to get a certificate from our principal. "Today, we say hello and goodbye..." Her words echo through the speakers across the large field.
"It is my pleasure to present to you—the class of 2000!" Her enthusiasm reflects in the expressions of the audience, parents and family members of all of the graduates who applaud proudly.
        Mateo surprises me from behind. "Hey, you look nice."
I turn to face him. "Thanks, so do you." Smiling, I try to ignore the scent of his cologne, his blue eyes iridescent in the bright sun. He wears a navy blue gown, and his hair looks messy, in a classy way. It's almost feels unfair sometimes. I don't have a single shot at resisting his charms.
  "Well, we're finally graduating."
  "It's so crazy."
  "Lidia." A sudden urgency plants my feet back on the ground, away from a more compelling daydream. "I have to tell you something." He breathes.
The butterflies he unleashes in my stomach suddenly pause at his seriousness. "What?"
  Before Mateo can respond, the principal calls my name, and I get pulled onto stage, looking back at him, I try to convey that we can talk later. Gathering the paper with my speech on it, I make eye contact with the audience, searching for my family among the masses.
  "I think I speak for everyone when I say that none of us thought this day would come." I begin. "For so many, high school feels like the only life we'll ever know. It's hard to imagine what comes next." A breath, "We have all faced challenges and tragedies." Despite grief, I smile slightly at my best friend's memory, lingering in the atmosphere. "But we made it, despite times that were hard for all of us to face, despite everything. All I really have to say is that I am grateful to have known all of you, for the teachers who taught me more than what was required of them, and for the friendships I hope don't end here. I hope what is meant for us, finds it's way, and that we all live the lives we only ever dreamed of. Thank you."
Stepping off of the opposite side of the stage now, I glance back at Mateo who stands where I was, about to start reciting his speech. He's smiling, and winks when he glances back at me.

Mateo
Still sitting beside Caleb on the log, my mind drifts to the argument I had with Maria last night. An ache returning as I see her face, pained and discouraged. You love her, don't you?

Last night...
"You love her, don't you?" Maria stands in the moonlight. And I can't even identify what I feel when she speaks those words.
Seconds pass, and I can't answer her question, it's almost like I've forgotten all words that would make sense to say right now. Clenching my fists and taking a breath, I walk back to where she stands. "I asked you to marry me."
  "That doesn't matter! You can ask someone to marry you and still love someone else." Maria's eyes widen. "How can you still be in love with someone from high school? After everything?" Her voice raises again.
"This has nothing to do with anything! Please—just—listen to yourself." I pause. "I can't possibly understand how me being worried for Lidia's life, makes you think I'm in love with her, like they're some kind of parallel. Are you really that insecure?"
"How dare you, Mateo. This has nothing to do with insecurity, are you kidding me! Since you saw her again on that wretched plane, you have changed, you're somewhere else." Her dramatic hand gestures make it hard to focus on a fixed point.
"To be honest, it would be weird if I wasn't acting weird. We are stranded on a damn island, Maria! Forgive me if I'm not myself." I shout.
"Yeah, but she has something to do with it. I know she does." She takes another exasperated breath. "And you're a coward for not even admitting it."
   "You know what? I'm done. That's it. This conversation is over." I start pacing away again, this time feeling like punching something. No matter how hard I tried, she would never get it. Rain saturates me when I approach the window without palm trees to shelter me, and I return to the tent.

Caleb
Meanwhile I fiddle with the walkie talkie, Mateo is still in deep thought.
"Did they take one of those?" Mateo gestures at the walkie talkie, facing me again.
"I don't think so. But it's worth a try."
Mateo nods his head, and we both study the walkie talkie, paying close attention to the usual rustling. Hearing Lidia's voice again, knowing that she's okay, would be the best thing in the world.
  Minutes go by until... "You won't survive what's coming."
  I swear my world came crashing down in that moment.